All in the Family (TV Series)
Edith's Accident (1971)
Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker
Photos
Quotes
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Archie Bunker : All right, Meathead. Go up and get your tape recorder.
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : What are you going to do, start playing Attorney General?
Archie Bunker : Don't argue with me, huh? Just get the tape recorder.
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Are you going to tell this man you're taping his conversation?
Archie Bunker : Does J. Edgar Hoover tell anybody?
Gloria Bunker-Stivic : If you don't tell him you're taping him, you're depriving him of his civil rights.
Archie Bunker : He ain't colored, he's Polish!
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Archie, you're violating his rights under the First Amendment.
Archie Bunker : Whose side are you on anyhow, huh? Look at me, I know I got a lot going against me, I'm white, I'm Protestant, I'm hard-working. Can't you find one lousy amendment to protect me?
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[Archie opens the door to the person whose car Edith dented, only to find he is a Catholic priest]
Father Majeski : I'm John Majeski.
Archie Bunker : You're kidding.
Father Majeski : No, no, I'm Father John Majeski. May I come in?
Archie Bunker : Yeah, yeah, yeah, come in, Father, sure. I'd like you to meet my family, there, that's my wife Edith, here, that's my daughter Gloria, here. And that's my son-in-law Mike Stivic over here.
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Still want the tape recorder, Arch?
Archie Bunker : Dummy up, you.
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Archie Bunker : I think we're in luck. This guy is a phony.
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : How do you know that?
Archie Bunker : Don't you ever read the papers? About all them unflocked priests running around? This priest here ain't kosher, and he never was!
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : How do you know?
Archie Bunker : Did you see the lousy-looking suit he's wearing there?
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : So what, Arch? Maybe it's the only suit he owns.
Archie Bunker : Are you kidding? The Catholic Church owns half of the property in New York, including some of your finest clothing stores.
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Archie, if you have your doubts, why don't you just ask him for his credentials?
Archie Bunker : Come on, how the hell you gonna do that?
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Simple. You just walk up to him, and say, "Father, can I see your cross?"
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Father Majeski : "Go from the presence of the foolish man when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge."
Archie Bunker : What does that mean?
Father Majeski : It means don't waste your time arguing with an idiot!
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Archie Bunker : And as for that bill, Father... You can send it on to the Pope, Who has more money than God!