- Coke: [on the phone with Mr. McNab] This is the family physician, Dr. Black. What's that, Mr. McNab? Oh. Mrs. Bunker. Your neighbor, Mr. McNab, called to say that two fellows just robbed... What did you say, Mr. McNab? Oh, two jigaboos.
- Archie: I always knew you was a great poetress. Ever since that time I was sick and you sent me the get-well card. I'll never forget it. "Get well quickly/Oh, please do/'Cause I'm cryin'/Boo-hoo-hoo."
- Archie: I hope youse all understand now the meanin' of havin' a gun in the house.
- Edith Bunker: I understand. If the gun wasn't here, they wouldn't have it.
- Coke: Now, now that makes sense.
- Archie: When the first burglar breaks into this house and youse all turn to me an holler "Do something!", you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna turn right around back and say "Sing, Edith".
- Coke: Yeah, you know, I must tell you one thing, lady, that sho was a baaaad song. But I like you, I like you.
- Edith Bunker: I don't know how you can laugh through all of that misery.
- Coke: Practice, lady... .practice.