All in the Family (TV Series)

Archie Eats and Runs (1974)

Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Archie Bunker : [Gloria sneezes on the phone]  Don't be spraying into the phone there. You wanna give the three Jews the flu?

• Mike Stivic : Arch, you still need evidence.

  Archie Bunker : What are you talking about? Look at all they put me through: look at the way I hurt all over. What about the sworn "testaphony" of your mother in-law, there? That's evidence, Buddy, we got a case and let me tell you something, a case like that could be worth 20, 25, 50 grand. I'm gonna make them mushroom people put their mouth where their money is.

• Archie Bunker : Do you know how many brands of mushrooms are sold all over this here country?

  Edith Bunker : Oh, thousands.

  Archie Bunker : Alright, and how many cans do you think are bought?

  Edith Bunker : Millions.

  Archie Bunker : So what do you think the chances are of me getting the one bad can out of all them millions of cans? What is it? 100 to one.

  Mike Stivic : What is that? The new math?

• Archie Bunker : The bosses of that company ought to taste every mouthful of food before it leaves the factory.

  Mike Stivic : How are they going to do that?

  Archie Bunker : What do you mean how? Ain't you never heard of the olden days in the days of kings? The king used to have a special cook to taste the food. The cook dropped down dead, the king said, "See?" Then the king went back in the kitchen and made a sandwich for himself.

• Archie Bunker : How am I supposed to take that?

  Doctor : Intravenously.

  Archie Bunker : Oh good, I can take anything off a spoon. I can't stand shots.

• Doctor : You may have botulism.

  Archie Bunker : What are you talking about? Nobody ever went crazy from eating mushrooms.

• Doctor : Any lassitude?

  Archie Bunker : No, she never puts any of that in the stew, only mushrooms.

• Archie Bunker : Just like that Ralph Nader, you're giving the whole country a pain in the butt.

  Mike Stivic : Arch, you ought to be grateful for Ralph Nader. Do you realize that before 1968 there were hardly any cars recalled for being defective? But in 1972 there were nearly eight million cars recalled?

  Archie Bunker : And do you realize that in 1974: who cares?

• Mike Stivic : Now take it easy, don't panic.

  Archie Bunker : Will you stay out of this? Now take it easy, don't panic.

• Mike Stivic : I think we should check the cans and see what brand they were.

  Archie Bunker : Why don't you stay out of this? Edith, we gotta check the cans and see what brand they were.

• Edith Bunker : [Coming from the kitchen to greet Archie at the front door, with Gloria following behind her]  Hello, Archie!

  Gloria Stivic : [Sneezes] 

  Edith Bunker : [With each sneeze, she turns to Gloria and places a hand on her shoulder]  Oh, gesundheit!

  Gloria Stivic : [Sneezes] 

  Edith Bunker : Oh, gesundheit!

  Gloria Stivic : [Sneezes] 

  Edith Bunker : Gesundheit!

  [Turns back to greet Archie] 

  Archie Bunker : Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You see what you've done? You went back and picked up three loads of germs, then you come and dump 'em on me! Stay away from me!

• Edith Bunker : Are you feelin' anything yet?

  Archie Bunker : What?

  Edith Bunker : I mean are the mushrooms gettin' to ya?

  Archie Bunker : What, are ya hoping?