Fanboys (2009)

Dan Fogler: Hutch

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Eric : Hey guys.

  Windows : What?

  Hutch : What, man?

  Eric : What if the movie sucks?

• Windows : You guys both got to stop perpetuating this myth that Boba Fett is some kind of bad-ass. All right? He has a jet pack. So did the Rocketeer. Really cool. When it comes time for battle, the man's Michael Bay - all style, no substance.

  Hutch : If you diss the Fett the again, I will corn-hole you with a lightsaber!

• Hutch : You gotta find your Death Star.

  Eric : Okay, I'll bite.

  Hutch : Greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did was take down the Death Star, right? As far as I'm concerned, that's what everybody needs. You need that one bad-ass thing that lets you live on forever, you know.

• Hutch : Nobody calls Han Solo a bitch!

• Hutch : What's the Klingon for "I'm going to die a virgin"?

  Admiral Seasholtz : [Replies in fluent Klingon] 

• [repeated line] 

  Hutch : You want to take your shirt off.

• Hutch : Rule number one: In my van, it's Rush. All Rush, all the time. No exceptions. Rule number two: Nobody touch the red button. And I mean never touch the red button. Most importantly, rule number three: There's no jerking it in my van!

  Windows : [throwing up his hands]  Fine...

  Hutch : [amid laughter]  Don't roll your eyes at ME, Admiral Jackbar!

• Eric : [hands him a vacuum cleaner]  Your mom said clean up this shit-hole or no grilled cheese for a week?

  Hutch : [sticks his head out on the door]  That's emotional blackmail, and you know it!

• Windows : Stop humping. Please stop humping. Just high five.

  Hutch : Oh, God. I'm Jabba the Hump.

• Zoe : You might wanna hit the showers. 'Cause you smell like something shit *in* my nose.

  Hutch : Yes, Your Highnessness.

  [Hutch takes off his t-shirt] 

  Zoe : Ew! What in god's name is living on your chest? It looks like you fell on ALF.

• Linus : Official Episode 1 countdown is six months, 12 days, eight hours and some change.

  Windows : I would sell my soul to see that movie right here right now.

  Hutch : Dude, I would sell my left nut. And I only have the one nut. So you see how serious I am?

• Admiral Seasholtz : Okay. Hilarious, everyone. Looks like we got more Lucas hounds here to mock Roddenberry. Congratulations, gentleman, but I would like to see your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone. And we'll see who's laughing then. Am I right?

  Windows : Darth Vader can put the entire Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind.

  Admiral Seasholtz : Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name me one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank.

  Linus : Name me one Star Wars character who's gay.

  Hutch : Beside's you.

  Admiral Seasholtz : Well, no one's gay in Star Trek, so why would I even do that?

  Linus : Captain Picard.

  Admiral Seasholtz : Okay. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British.

  Windows : [in a swishy voice]  Come on. "Make it so!"

• [after having landed in the garbage disposal room] 

  Windows : I have a bad feeling about this.

  Hutch : Um, you guys don't think that the, um...

  Linus : We are in George Lucas' trash room.

  Eric : Don't be ridiculous, okay? The walls are not gonna close in on us.

  [the walls begin to move in] 

• Windows : I met her in a Jedi chatroom. The woman is perfect. She's intelligent and acerbic, and a die-hard fan. She's even got connections inside the Lucas camp.

  Linus : Who's also got a man package and a goatee.

  Windows : You guys are all just jealous because she describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janeane Garafolo.

  Hutch : Tell 'em how you described yourself.

  Windows : I was perfectly honest with her.

  Linus : You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate.

  Windows : I *am* white chocolate.

• [waking the guys up to show them they're in Iowa] 

  Hutch : Wakey, wakey, hands off snakey.

• Chaz : [to Hutch and Windows]  Holy shit. If it ain't C-3Penis Face and R2-Dickhead.

  Hutch : What did you just say, you giant bastard?

• Admiral Seasholtz : Just take a look-see here.

  Hutch : What's with the man-purse?

  Admiral Seasholtz : Yep. As I thought, scanner reads "douche bag."

• Hutch : I'm telling you, man. I took that Vulcan down hard. I rolled him into the dirt like he was my frickin tauntaun.

  Eric : Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't for me, you guys would all be dead.

  Windows : What fight were you watching? I was channeling the emperor.

  Linus : The emperor? I don't remember the emperor crapping his robe and screaming "time-out."

  Eric : Oh, my God. That's right.

  Windows : There is such a thing as time-out.

  Hutch : [imitating The Emperor]  I can feel your anger growing inside. Wait. Time-out.

• Zoe : Asshole. You have been trying that Jedi mind shit on me since the eighth grade. It doesn't work.

  Hutch : Oh, it works. Tell her, Windows.

  Zoe : He's been geeking out with Rogue Leader all morning. Nothing can tear him away.

  [lifts her sweater, exposing her breasts to Windows who is on the Internet on his laptop, not looking up] 

  Zoe : Ah, I love the feeling of fresh air on my naked breasts.

  Hutch : Oh, ho-ho!

  Zoe : See that? Man's immune to sweater yams.

  Hutch : What about me? I like sweater yams!

• Hutch : Dude, you're gonna be my Dak today, all right? Follow my lead.

  Windows : Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa. You wanna just talk to them?

  Hutch : Yeah. It's called having balls.

  Zoe : Or in your case, one ball.

• [Hutch subdues a Trekkie in a fight] 

  Hutch : Nighty-night, Spock-sucker.

• [after seeing his van repaired] 

  Hutch : Ha ha! The Buce is back!

• Hutch : What the hell are you doing, man? You're poking me.

  Windows : Oh, God. Don't flatter yourself, okay? It's just my R2. My lucky R2.

  Hutch : Man, you wish you had the height and girth of D2.

• Head Of Security : By the time y'all walk away from this your face are gonna be shrunken and shriveled...

  [walks up to Hutch] 

  Head Of Security : ...just like your one nut.

  Hutch : What? How can he possibly know that?

  Head Of Security : Oh, we know about your uniball. We know everything, Mr. Harold Hutchinson, aka Hutch. Son of Gloria. Humongous Rush fan.

  Hutch : Dude, you're freaking me out. How do you know this?

  Head Of Security : Because you have a Rush shirt on, dipshit.

• Zoe : All right, everybody, shut up! Swear to God this little Ewok is going up in flames! I'll do it.

  THX Security Guard #4 : Go ahead, burn it.

  Zoe : I will.

  THX Security Guard #4 : Yeah, burn it.

  Hutch : Guys, nobody wants this.

  Zoe : I will.

  THX Security Guard #4 : [Mimicking Yoda's voice]  Burn it, burn it.

  Zoe : I'm gonna.

  THX Security Guard #4 : Burn it.

  Zoe : That's what I said.

  THX Security Guard #4 : Burn it.

  Zoe : I said it.

  THX Security Guard #4 : Good, I was always more of a Star Trek fan anyway.

  Zoe : Oh...

  Hutch : These Trekkies are everywhere.

• [first lines] 

  Hutch : [as Stormtrooper]  Halloween just got awesome, bitches!

  Linus : [as Stormtrooper]  Prepare for the entrance of Lord Vader.

  Windows : [as Darth Vader]  Give yourself to the Dark Side. It's the only way you can save your...

• [after seeing the two hot escorts] 

  Hutch : I'd like to knock the nickels out of that pussy!

• Zoe : All right everybody, shut up!

  Hutch : Oh!

  Zoe : I swear to God this little Ewok is going up in flames. I'll do it.