"Meine Schwester und ich", which means "My sister and me", is a German television film from 2005, so this one has its 15th anniversary this year. It runs for slightly under 90 minutes, which is the typical runtime for small screen releases here in Germany and there are hundreds, probably thousands, of others with the same duration. On some of them the director was also Ilse Hofmann. Taking a look at her body of work, not just this movie here, makes it obvious to me that we should be grateful she is retired for a decade now. Her writer Marlies Ewald has (according to imdb) not worked on any new projects for over a decade even and as her final works included Rosamunde Pilcher adaptations, I think we can be glad she is no longer working too. So seeing who wrote and directed here, it would have been a minor (or big) miracle if this film had turned out mediocre even. No day for miracles. This is as bad as you think it is. The cast included a handful television actors, who have really worked on many projects, but also in this case it is true that quantity does not equal quality and this is especially true for the two female protagonists at the center of this movie. Schubert and Brennicke are both really bad. Thomas Sarbacher is also not exactly a revelation between these two, but at least he does not make the material look even worse, which is really a massive "achievement" because the material is pretty bad per se already. It's really impossible for me to come up with anything positive about this one. It already starts with the ridiculous premise that they wnat us to believe that Brennicke's character is working as a supermodel. At best, if even that, she is above-average attractive for a woman in her mid-30s, and they want us to believe she is Claudia Schiffer at her peak or something. Really cringeworthy. I feel bad for audiences who actually do not see through this charade. Then again, their stupidity is why films like this are even made. For the easily influenced who believe everything preented to them. Katharina Schubert is not lead actress material either. No range or versatility on her, especially when it comes to moments of subtlety. She hits all the wrong notes from beginning to end.
And as so many other times with films like these, the men are depicted as idiots. Be it the father who treats the daughter that does not care for him like a princess or the man who quickly goes to bed with the oh so stunning model sister and who in the end has to beg for forgiveness of course. I am sure these easiily influenced (mostly female) viewers really appreciate stuff like that. I mean the housewives who have zero ambition or those who have become hopeless enough to think that there is any reality in this film here. It does not only suck at the very middle of it all, but also the smaller moments are utterly bad. Just take the father. We hear all this nonsense from this character, also how he criticizes his daughter after she plays the violin so beautifully, but in the end all of a sudden out of nowhere he is against the daughter he always preferred. Strictly against her really. No explanation. He was never in favor of his other daughter's romantic relationship, so don't tell me this is the reason. Or how the man helped him in this cringeworthily rushed-in pseudo-dramatic health struggle sequence. Oh yeah, speaking of the violin part, this was also one of the weakest aspects of the film that really made it impossible to enjoy the music. Schubert like I said has zero talent, so while she cannot even act, they are trying to convince us she is a truly gifted violinist. For some reason, she has not played in ages, no explanation. For another reason, she randomly starts playing again just for herself. No explanation. Then again, it certainly did get a chuckle out of me how she acted surprised/caught in the act when her dad and sister show up and hear her play. This film, in general, was unintentionally funny on a handful occasions, while the filmmakers actually thought they had the right to take this movie completely seriously, which made it even funnier. Anyway, back to the violin references: In the end, there is a big concert that the female protagonist plays a crucial role in and of course despite only having been contacted days ago, she gives a perfect performance and is successful on her own. I already had enough when I saw the faces of the other orchestra members because of how great Schubert's character played in their very first session. Unbearable really. And a little while later, when she struggles with her family life, she plays worse and is called out immediately for it before there is the inevitable forced realistic happy ending.
Oh yeah, then we also have the part in which the model sister has a one-night stant with the male protagonist. After the two had almost no connection before that (and even less chemistry). The best example is how they keep meeting so randomly. The first meeting at the bar was still slightly realistic. The scene when he was carrying stuff to his car was already pretty bad, especially when he tells her what to do, but the scene with the hedgehog was really an insult to every viewer's intelligence, I mean at least to those who aren't vegetable, how he crashes basically into her when she is on a bike and after the first shock the two go and drink some wine together. Good God that as all so bad and staged. I almost felt as if I got physically sick through watching alone. Okay what else let me think. Luckily, the film does not try to be funny on too mayn occasions because when they did, it was a big mess too. The best example is this strange relationship between two of Schubert's character's colleagues and be it the Sophia Loren quote (yep sorry 70yo Loren looks still much better than you at 50) or the quote from the guy and what he says exactly when he lets people know she finally decided to be with him or give him a chance felt cringeworthy because it sounded so macho, which he certainly wasn't, and it is just embarrassing. I think this should be enough now to convince you to stay far far away from this film. And if it doesn't, then it is your own fault. In the first 5 minutes, you will already know I am right when you see and hear this bizarre photoshooting that does not only have Brennicke's character fall to the ground, but also Steffen Groth (who also is in many of these garbage films, so I was glad he did not have too much screen time here, even if he is a negative scene stealer for sure) give us the worst example of a French accent I have seen in a while. The filmmakers probably realized that too, so instead they let him talk French that it feels at last semi-realistic and of course immediately translate into English what he said because he plays such a multilingual interesting character. Oh my. I shall stop now. I hope I can forget about this abomination of a movie as quickly as possible.
And as so many other times with films like these, the men are depicted as idiots. Be it the father who treats the daughter that does not care for him like a princess or the man who quickly goes to bed with the oh so stunning model sister and who in the end has to beg for forgiveness of course. I am sure these easiily influenced (mostly female) viewers really appreciate stuff like that. I mean the housewives who have zero ambition or those who have become hopeless enough to think that there is any reality in this film here. It does not only suck at the very middle of it all, but also the smaller moments are utterly bad. Just take the father. We hear all this nonsense from this character, also how he criticizes his daughter after she plays the violin so beautifully, but in the end all of a sudden out of nowhere he is against the daughter he always preferred. Strictly against her really. No explanation. He was never in favor of his other daughter's romantic relationship, so don't tell me this is the reason. Or how the man helped him in this cringeworthily rushed-in pseudo-dramatic health struggle sequence. Oh yeah, speaking of the violin part, this was also one of the weakest aspects of the film that really made it impossible to enjoy the music. Schubert like I said has zero talent, so while she cannot even act, they are trying to convince us she is a truly gifted violinist. For some reason, she has not played in ages, no explanation. For another reason, she randomly starts playing again just for herself. No explanation. Then again, it certainly did get a chuckle out of me how she acted surprised/caught in the act when her dad and sister show up and hear her play. This film, in general, was unintentionally funny on a handful occasions, while the filmmakers actually thought they had the right to take this movie completely seriously, which made it even funnier. Anyway, back to the violin references: In the end, there is a big concert that the female protagonist plays a crucial role in and of course despite only having been contacted days ago, she gives a perfect performance and is successful on her own. I already had enough when I saw the faces of the other orchestra members because of how great Schubert's character played in their very first session. Unbearable really. And a little while later, when she struggles with her family life, she plays worse and is called out immediately for it before there is the inevitable forced realistic happy ending.
Oh yeah, then we also have the part in which the model sister has a one-night stant with the male protagonist. After the two had almost no connection before that (and even less chemistry). The best example is how they keep meeting so randomly. The first meeting at the bar was still slightly realistic. The scene when he was carrying stuff to his car was already pretty bad, especially when he tells her what to do, but the scene with the hedgehog was really an insult to every viewer's intelligence, I mean at least to those who aren't vegetable, how he crashes basically into her when she is on a bike and after the first shock the two go and drink some wine together. Good God that as all so bad and staged. I almost felt as if I got physically sick through watching alone. Okay what else let me think. Luckily, the film does not try to be funny on too mayn occasions because when they did, it was a big mess too. The best example is this strange relationship between two of Schubert's character's colleagues and be it the Sophia Loren quote (yep sorry 70yo Loren looks still much better than you at 50) or the quote from the guy and what he says exactly when he lets people know she finally decided to be with him or give him a chance felt cringeworthy because it sounded so macho, which he certainly wasn't, and it is just embarrassing. I think this should be enough now to convince you to stay far far away from this film. And if it doesn't, then it is your own fault. In the first 5 minutes, you will already know I am right when you see and hear this bizarre photoshooting that does not only have Brennicke's character fall to the ground, but also Steffen Groth (who also is in many of these garbage films, so I was glad he did not have too much screen time here, even if he is a negative scene stealer for sure) give us the worst example of a French accent I have seen in a while. The filmmakers probably realized that too, so instead they let him talk French that it feels at last semi-realistic and of course immediately translate into English what he said because he plays such a multilingual interesting character. Oh my. I shall stop now. I hope I can forget about this abomination of a movie as quickly as possible.