Grandma's Boy (2006)

Joel David Moore: J.P.

Photos 

Quotes 

• J.P. : All I've ever cared about was video games and they made me a millionaire. So maybe I don't know what the Civil War was, or who invented the helicopter even though I own one, but I did beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk. I'm thinking about getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it.

• J.P. : [Robot Voice to Alex walking away]  I hate your face.

  Alex : [pauses, turns around]  Did you say something?

  J.P. : [Hides behind coat] 

  Alex : You're fuckin' weird.

  J.P. : ...How did he see me?

• J.P. : Are you afraid of it?

  Kane : No I just don't like techno.

  J.P. : You would if you had robot ears.

• J.P. : How do you two know each other?

  Samantha : I woke him up here this morning. He fell asleep working late last night.

  J.P. : Yeah. Well, that's what old people do. They fall asleep.

  Alex : Wow J.P, that is a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in The Matrix?

  J.P. : So funny I forgot to laugh. Ehehe.

• J.P. : Adios, turd nuggets.

• J.P. : [in robot voice]  Please sit on my face

  [robot noises] 

• J.P. : Back to work, testers!

• J.P. : [In robot voice]  I am a geeenius!

• Samantha : What's in here?

  J.P. : It's just the kids and their break room. Or as I like to call it, the stupid idiot room full of jerks. Mine's the biggest office over...

  Samantha : Let's check it out!

• J.P. : How do you two know each other?

  Samantha : I woke him up here this morning. He fell asleep working late last night.

  J.P. : Yea, well that's what old people do, they fall asleep.

  Alex : Wow, JP that is a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in the Matrix?

  J.P. : So funny I forgot to laugh.

  Jeff : Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too. It's not grey.

  Alex : [punches Jeff in the arm]  Hey, my bush isn't really grey.

  Jeff : Well, not according to my mom.

  Alex : I thought I told you to quit talking about that.

  Jeff : People keep asking me about it.

  Samantha : Um, I'm really sorry to have to leave this conversation, but, I will see you guys later.

  J.P. : Get back to work, testers.

  Jeff : Hey Samantha, don't take the red pill!

• Alex : [Alex is playing Frog Bog against Timmy]  I thought you were good at this, man.

  [singing] 

  Alex : Flies. I'm a frog. I'm eating flies, a lot more than you.

  Jeff : Eat that frog dick Timmy! Eat it!

  J.P. : [to Samantha]  I'm sorry you had to see this. It's all these poor knaves have to look forward to everyday.

  [Samantha shrugs him off] 

  Jeff : Yea! Your shit's weak! Shit's weak!

  [Alex wins the game] 

  Jeff : Yea! Your shit's weak! W-izz-eak!

  Alex : You never had a chance Timmy.

  Timmy : I'll get you eventually "Grey Bush". Time is on my side.

  Alex : Hey, at least I have a bush.

  Jeff : [singing into air-microphone]  Shit's weak.