- Gary Coleman - 13-29 years: I'm sorry Conny, but damn it, I'm too old to be climbing into your lap every week!
- Conrad Bain: I know. But the problem is, America loves it!
- Gary Coleman - 13-29 years: Well, America needs to get over it.
- Gary Coleman - 13-29 years: I'm never playing Arnold Jackson again, can't you understand that? Never again!
- Conrad Bain: The boy's right, Willie. Let it go
- Vic Perillo: You've got nothing to worry about, Gary. You got a pick of the projects.
- Gary Coleman - 13-29 years: Alright, let's see. Let's see.
- [Looks at numerous scripts]
- Gary Coleman - 13-29 years: Ah, ten year old. Ah, twelve. Ooh look, an adorable eleven year old! I'm eighteen years old, I'm never playing those parts again, understand?
- Willie Coleman: This thug beat up my son, I want him fired!
- Conrad Bain: Nobody beat up anyone, Willie.
- Gary Coleman - 13-29 years: Anyway, I threw the first punch.
- Todd Bridges - 17 to 37 years: Punch, my ass. You slap like a girl.