Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Michael Cera: Scott Pilgrim
Photos
Quotes
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Scott Pilgrim : When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.
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Ramona V. Flowers : This is good garlic bread.
Scott Pilgrim : Yeah, I think garlic bread would have to be my favourite all-time food. I could eat it for every meal. Or just constantly, without stopping.
Ramona V. Flowers : Then you'd get fat.
Scott Pilgrim : No, why would I get fat?
Ramona V. Flowers : Because bread makes you fat.
Scott Pilgrim : Bread makes you fat?
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Scott Pilgrim : We are Sex Bob-Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff.
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Ramona V. Flowers : What kind of tea do you want?
Scott Pilgrim : There's more than one kind?
Ramona V. Flowers : We have blueberry, raspberry, ginseng, sleepy time, green tea, green tea with lemon, green tea with lemon and honey, liver disaster, ginger with honey, ginger without honey, vanilla almond, white truffel, blueberry chamomile, vanilla walnut, constant comment and... earl grey.
Scott Pilgrim : Did you make some of those up?
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Scott Pilgrim : I know you play mysterious and aloof just to avoid getting hurt. And I know you have reasons for not wanting talk about your past. I want you to know that I don't care about any of that stuff. Because I'm in lesbians with you.
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Scott Pilgrim : I have to go pee due to boredom.
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Knives Chau : I've never even kissed a guy before.
Scott Pilgrim : Hey... me neither.
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Todd Ingram : We have an unfinished business. I and he.
Scott Pilgrim : He and me.
Todd Ingram : Don't you talk to me about grammar!
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Wallace Wells : If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott. Break out the L-word.
Scott Pilgrim : Lesbian?
Wallace Wells : The other L-word.
Scott Pilgrim : ...Lesbians?
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Scott Pilgrim : If I peed my pants would you pretend that I just got wet from the rain?
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Scott Pilgrim : I'm in lesbians with you.
[Several minutes later]
Scott Pilgrim : I said lesbians...
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Scott Pilgrim : You once were a ve-gone, but now you will begone.
Todd Ingram : Ve-gone?
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Scott Pilgrim : Amazon.ca! What's the website for that?
Wallace Wells : Amazon.ca
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Stacey Pilgrim : [Scott has just broken up with Ramona] Did you really see a future with this girl?
Scott Pilgrim : Like... with jet-packs?
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Scott Pilgrim : Wait! We're fighting over Ramona?
Matthew Patel : Didn't you get my email explaining the situation?
Scott Pilgrim : I skimmed it.
Wallace Wells : [shaking head] Mm-mm.
Matthew Patel : You will pay for your insolence!
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Scott Pilgrim : Hey so, can this not be a one-night stand? For one thing I didn't even get any. That was a joke.
Ramona V. Flowers : What did you have in mind?
Scott Pilgrim : Oh, come to this first round of this battle of the bands thing.
Ramona V. Flowers : You have a band?
Scott Pilgrim : Yeah, we're terrible. Please come.
Ramona V. Flowers : [sighs] Sure.
[leaves]
Scott Pilgrim : Oh wait, can I get your number?
Ramona V. Flowers : Here.
Scott Pilgrim : Wow... girl number...
Ramona V. Flowers : See you at the show Scott Pilgrim.
Scott Pilgrim : Oh hey it's tonight! At the...
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Julie Powers : So, what can I *censored* get you?
Scott Pilgrim : Is there anywhere you don't work?
Julie Powers : They're called jobs, something a *censored* ball like you wouldn't know anything about. And by the way, I can't *censored* believe you asked Ramona out after I specifically told you not to *censored* do that!
Scott Pilgrim : How are you doing that with your mouth?
Julie Powers : Never *censored* mind how I'm doing it!
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Todd Ingram : Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.
Scott Pilgrim : What?
Todd Ingram : Because you'll be dust by Monday... because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. The cleaning lady? She cleans up... dust. She dusts.
Scott Pilgrim : So, what's on Monday?
Todd Ingram : 'Cause... it's Friday now, she's the weekends off, so... Monday, right?"
Envy Adams : Basically, you can't win this fight, so you better give up on this girl, 'cause Todd's gonna kill you.
Scott Pilgrim : You used to be so nice!
[Runs towards Todd Ingram, who holds his hand up and lifts him a foot into the air with his mind powers, then hurls him through a brick wall]
Stephen Stills : Um, Scott, we're gonna go to Pizza-pizza for a slice, call us when you're done...
[He and Kim walk off]
Envy Adams : Oh, he'll be done, real soon...
Todd Ingram : [a long bass note is played from the hole] Sounds like someone wants to get... funky.
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Computer : You've got mail.
Scott Pilgrim : [Turns To Wallace] Dude, this thing claims I have mail.
Wallace Wells : [groggily] It's amazing what we can do with computers these days.
Scott Pilgrim : [Turns back] Dude, now I'm totally reading it.
Wallace Wells : [sarcastic] I'm so happy for you.
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Stacey Pilgrim : Next time, we don't date the girl with eleven evil ex-boyfriends.
Scott Pilgrim : It's seven.
Stacey Pilgrim : Oh, well, that's not that bad.
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Scott Pilgrim : So what you're saying is we're dating?
Ramona V. Flowers : I guess.
Scott Pilgrim : Does that mean we can make out?
Ramona V. Flowers : Sure.
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Kim Pine : Scott Pilgrim, you're the salt of the earth.
Scott Pilgrim : Thanks, Kim.
Kim Pine : I meant "scum" of the earth.
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Ramona V. Flowers : Listen, I know I can be hard to be around sometimes. I totally understand if you don't want to hang anymore.
Scott Pilgrim : No, no, I want to hang. It's... You know, the whole evil ex-boyfriend thing...
Ramona V. Flowers : Exes...
Scott Pilgrim : It's no biggie. Um. You know, I know it's early, but I don't think anything can get in the way of how I SHIT!
[Camera cuts to Scott's ex standing behind Ramona]
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Stacey Pilgrim : 17-year-old? Scandal.
Scott Pilgrim : Who told you.
Stacey Pilgrim : Wallace, duh.
Scott Pilgrim : That gossipy bitch.
Wallace Wells : [on the phone listening] You know me.
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Scott Pilgrim : Why can't we have our own secret shows?
Kim Pine : All of our shows are secret shows.
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Scott Pilgrim : That's it! You cocky cock! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity.
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Knives Chau : Hey Scott!
Scott Pilgrim : What the hell...
Ramona V. Flowers : Who is that girl again?
Stephen Stills : Scott dated her.
Scott Pilgrim : Briefly.
Ramona V. Flowers : How old is she?
Scott Pilgrim : Uhhhhhhhh...
[the camera goes into his head. We see a wheel listing various thoughts. The arrow gets stuck between "I gotta pee" and "Who, her?"]
Scott Pilgrim : I gotta pee on her!... I mean, I gotta pee. Pee time.
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Matthew Patel : This is impossible. How can this be?
Scott Pilgrim : Open your eyes. Maybe you'll see!
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Wallace Wells : Guess who's drunk!
Scott Pilgrim : I guess Wallace.
Wallace Wells : You guess right!
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Other Scott : And you didn't bang her? Are you gay?
Scott Pilgrim : I couldn't stop thinking about my stupid ex-girlfriend.
Jimmy : Is that the Uma Thurman movie?
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Scott Pilgrim : Hey You totally came!
Ramona V. Flowers : Yes I did totally come...
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Scott Pilgrim : You know what really sucks?
[Spells out "sux" with refrigerator magnets]
Wallace Wells : What?
Scott Pilgrim : [Rotates a magnet numeral 8 on its side, the mathematical symbol for infinity] Everything...
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Stacey Pilgrim : You should break up with your fake highschool girlfriend!
Scott Pilgrim : Wait who told you?
Stacey Pilgrim : Wallace.
Scott Pilgrim : He's not even conscious!
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Wallace Wells : You doing okay there?
Scott Pilgrim : Yeah, good, good, good. She changed her hair.
Wallace Wells : So, it looks nice blue!
Scott Pilgrim : Yeah I know, but she did it without making a big deal out of it or anything... She's fickle, impulsive, spontaneous... God what am I going to do?
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Scott Pilgrim : You're pretentious, this club sucks, I have beef. Let's do it.
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Kim Pine : Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it.
Scott Pilgrim : Hahahaha... wait, what?
Kim Pine : I mean, are you really happy or really evil?
Scott Pilgrim : Evil? You mean, do I have, like, ulterior motives? I'm offended, Kim.
Kim Pine : Wounded, even?
Scott Pilgrim : Hurt, Kim.
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Wallace Wells : Hey, what's up with his outfit?
Guy in Crowd : Yeah, is he a pirate?
Scott Pilgrim : Are you a pirate?
Matthew Patel : Pirates are in this year!
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[during the introduction of "Black Sheep" by The Clash at Demonhead]
Scott Pilgrim : That guy on bass...
Envy Adams : Oh, yeah.
Scott Pilgrim : That's Todd.
Ramona V. Flowers : I know.
Envy Adams : Oh, yeah!
Scott Pilgrim : You know?
Envy Adams : OH, YEAH!
Scott Pilgrim : Oh, no.
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Kim Pine : Scott. Not that I care, but you should go talk to Ramona before she's gone.
Scott Pilgrim : Thanks, Kim.
Kim Pine : And I really don't care.
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Roxy Richter : Oh I'd love to postpone, but I just cashed in my last rain check.
Scott Pilgrim : Where's that from?
Roxy Richter : My brain!
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Scott Pilgrim : [Roxy confronts Scott and Ramona] You know this girl?
Roxy Richter : Oh boy, does she know me.
Scott Pilgrim : [to Ramona] What is she talking about?
Roxy Richter : [to Ramona] He really doesn't know?
Scott Pilgrim : Wait...
[Gauge in Scott's head flips from "No Clue" to "Gets It"]
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Scott Pilgrim : Hey, what's up?
Ramona V. Flowers : Nothing.
Scott Pilgrim : Hey, you know Pac-man?
Ramona V. Flowers : I know of him.
Scott Pilgrim : Well, Pac-man was originally called Puck-man. They changed it because... Not because Pac-man looks like a hockey puck. "Paku Paku" means "flap your mouth", and they were worried that people would change, scratch out the P turn it into an F, like...
Ramona V. Flowers : Yeah, that's amazing.
Scott Pilgrim : Um... Am I dreaming? I'll leave you alone forever now.
Ramona V. Flowers : Thanks.
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Scott Pilgrim : [from trailer] You know her?
Ramona V. Flowers : It was just a phase.
Scott Pilgrim : You had a sexy phase?
Ramona V. Flowers : I was just a litte bi-curious.
Roxy Richter : I'm just a little bi-furious!
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Scott Pilgrim : Oh God!
Wallace Wells : What is it, Scott?
Scott Pilgrim : I had this totally weird dream...
Other Scott : Oh God!
Wallace Wells : What is it, Other Scott?
Other Scott : Can we skip the dream time? Color me not interested.
Scott Pilgrim : But there was this girl...
Wallace Wells : Girl...
Other Scott : Is this an envy-related dream again?
Wallace Wells : You don't use the "e" word in this house.
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Wallace Wells : Scott, you know I love you. But I need my own bed tonight. It's for sex.
Scott Pilgrim : Right.
Wallace Wells : I may need it for the rest of the week too... and the year.
Scott Pilgrim : Right, I get it.
Wallace Wells : Hey, maybe you can move in with Ramona.
Scott Pilgrim : [pause as Scott shakes his head] She's with Gideon now.
Wallace Wells : Ah, that sucks, but you know it's probably just because he's better than you.
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Scott Pilgrim : Ciao Knives!
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Stephen Stills : Oh god!... oh man! This is a nightmare! Is this a nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up...!
Scott Pilgrim : It's just nerves!
Kim Pine : Once we're on stage, you'll be fine.
Stephen Stills : We were just on stage for sound check, and the sound guy hated us!
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Stephen Stills : [as a 1UP appears in front of Scott] What are you doing?
Scott Pilgrim : Getting a life.
[grabs 1UP]
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Ramona V. Flowers : Uh, Scott Pilgrim?
Scott Pilgrim : Hi. I was thinking about asking you out, but then I realized how stupid that would be. So do you want to go out sometime?
Ramona V. Flowers : Um, no, that's ok. You can just sign for this, all right?
Scott Pilgrim : I just woke up, and you were in my dream. I dreamt that you were delivering me this package. Is that weird?
Ramona V. Flowers : It's not weird at all.
Scott Pilgrim : It's not?
Ramona V. Flowers : You just have this convenient subspace highway running through your head that I like to use. It's like three miles in 15 seconds.
Scott Pilgrim : Right, right.
Ramona V. Flowers : I forgot you guys don't have that in Canada.
Scott Pilgrim : You don't remember me, do you? We met at the party the other day.
Ramona V. Flowers : Were you the Pac-man guy?
Scott Pilgrim : No. Not even. That was some total ass. I was the other guy.
Ramona V. Flowers : You know, you need to sign for this- whatever this is.
Scott Pilgrim : But if I sign for it you'll leave.
Ramona V. Flowers : Yeah, it's how it works.
Scott Pilgrim : Okey. Well, maybe, do you wanna hang out sometime? Get to know each other. You're the new kid on the block, right? I've lived here forever, so there are reasons for you to hang out with me.
Ramona V. Flowers : You want me to hang out with you?
Scott Pilgrim : Um, yeah, if that's cool.
Ramona V. Flowers : If I say yes, will you sign for your damn package?
Scott Pilgrim : So yeah. 8:00?
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[repeated line]
Scott Pilgrim : I have to pee.
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Scott Pilgrim : I don't think I can hit a girl. They're soft.
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Ramona V. Flowers : He was a snot-nosed little brat. He just followed me around.
Scott Pilgrim : He had snot in his nose? But he's famous.
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Scott Pilgrim : Did you know that the original word for Pac-Man was Puck-Man? You would think it was because he looks like a hockey puck, but it actually comes from the Japanese phrase "Paku-Paku" which means to flap one's mouth open and closed. They changed it because they thought Puck-Man would be too easy to vandalize, you know, like people would scratch off the P and turn it into an F or whatever.
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[phone rings; Some Guy picks it up offscreen]
Some Guy : [whispering] It's for Scott.
Wallace Wells : [takes the phone from Some Guy and passes it to Scott] It's for you, big guy.
Scott Pilgrim : [takes the phone] Hello?
Gideon Gordon Graves : Hey, pal! I just wanna say I feel terrible about earlier. I don't want any hard feelings, so I figured, why not be the bigger man, and just give you a call.
Scott Pilgrim : Is Ramona with you?
Gideon Gordon Graves : I dunno...
[to a brainwashed Ramona]
Gideon Gordon Graves : Are you with me?
Ramona V. Flowers : [deadpan] Yeah.
[Scott screams in agony on phone]
Gideon Gordon Graves : Geez, buddy, it's gonna be all right!
Scott Pilgrim : No, I just spilled hot cocoa on my crotch!
Gideon Gordon Graves : Mm-hmm... Listen, as you know, I'm opening a new Chaos Theatre in Toronto, and the Sex Bobs are playing our grand opening tonight, and it would feel really weird for all of us if you weren't there. They just did a soundtrack, and the acoustics here are *amazing*!
Scott Pilgrim : [looking intense] Yeah, maybe I'll see you there.
Gideon Gordon Graves : I hope so amigo. I don't want any more bad blood between exes. What do you say?
Scott Pilgrim : Mm-hmm
Gideon Gordon Graves : OK, laytaz'!
[hangs up]
Wallace Wells : What a perfect asshole.
[Scott notices that Wallace was listening in on another phone]
Wallace Wells : Forget what I said earlier.
[hangs up phone]
Wallace Wells : Finish him.
[Scott dramatically gears up, and runs off to the Chaos Theatre for the "final level" as Wallace and Some Guy watch from inside]
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Julie Powers : What about Ramona Flowers?
Scott Pilgrim : You know her? Tell me now.
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Scott Pilgrim : Can we please stop all this fighting! Nobody stole anybody. Knives, I dated you and then I dated Ramona. Okay?
[beat; realizes what he said]
Scott Pilgrim : Maybe I forgot to tell Knives right away?
Knives Chau : You cheated on me, Scott? You cheated on both of us?
Ramona V. Flowers : You cheated on me with Knives?
Scott Pilgrim : No, I cheated on Knives with you.
Ramona V. Flowers : Is there a difference?
Scott Pilgrim : [sheepishly] You weren't wronged?
[Scott is immediately stabbed in the back by Gideon]
Gideon Gordon Graves : [through gritted teeth] Game over!
[Scott falls to the ground, crumpled over - dead]
Gideon Gordon Graves : Scottie. You can cheat on these ladies all you want, but you can't... cheat... death.
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Scott Pilgrim : I can not... have... tea.
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Scott Pilgrim : When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case, I do them all the time. All of them.
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Scott Pilgrim : Okay fine I had to fight a guy to be with her, okay? I fought a crazy 80-foot tall purple suited dude, and I fought 96 guys to get to him. He was flying and shooting lightning bolts from his eyes, okay? And I kicked him so hard that he saw the curvature of the Earth.
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Scott Pilgrim : It was a very amicable breakup. We're peaches and gravy now!
Knives Chau : [Sadly from behind him] Noooooo...
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Scott Pilgrim : Ooh, coins!
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Scott Pilgrim : They make movies in Canada now?
Wallace Wells : Yes, Scott.
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Scott Pilgrim : My last job was a long story filled with sighs.
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Ramona V. Flowers : It was just time to head somewhere a little more chilled.
[they are in a snow-covered playground]
Scott Pilgrim : Well, it's certainly chilled here.
Ramona V. Flowers : Yeah.
Scott Pilgrim : It's chilled, as in cold.
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Wallace Wells : I hate you. Even I would think twice about dating a 17-year-old.
Scott Pilgrim : Well, she's only allowed out when the sun is up, so I wouldn't call it dating. It's more like...
Wallace Wells : Playtime?
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Wallace Wells : Hey, buddy, look, if she really is the girl of your dreams, then you have to let her know. You have to overcome any and all obstacles that lie in your path. You can do it. Be with her! It's your destiny! Plus, I need you to move out.
Scott Pilgrim : What?
Wallace Wells : Yeah. I'm kind of banking on her calling you back so I don't have to evict you and feel all guilty and shit.
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Wallace Wells : Scott, just because Envy's back in town doesn't make it not over.
Scott Pilgrim : Double negative. It's tricky.
Other Scott : It's over. Move on.
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Scott Pilgrim : Hey, so, can this not be a one-night-stand? For one thing, I didn't even get any.
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Ramona V. Flowers : I changed my mind.
Scott Pilgrim : Changed it to what? From what?
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Scott Pilgrim : It's Scott.
Stacey Pilgrim : What did he do this time?
Scott Pilgrim : No, it's Scott. It's actually me.
Stacey Pilgrim : What did you do this time?
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Envy Adams : Do you have a girlfriend? Should I be jealous?
Scott Pilgrim : Yes, you should. I have this totally awesome girlfriend who calls me all the time and she's America. She's American.
Envy Adams : What's her name?
Scott Pilgrim : I'm not telling you that. Ramona.
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Wallace Wells : Well, if you strike out in the next hour, come find me at the Castle.
Scott Pilgrim : If I strike out?
Wallace Wells : Okay, when. See you in 60.
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Lucas Lee : Prepare to feel the wrath of the League of Evil Exes.
Scott Pilgrim : The League of Evil Axes?
Lucas Lee : You really don't know about the League?
Scott Pilgrim : Ummm...
Lucas Lee : The seven evil exes? Coming to kill you? Controlling the future of Ramona's love life?
Scott Pilgrim : No.
Lucas Lee : Oh, well, hey, listen, man, don't worry about it.
Scott Pilgrim : Really?
Lucas Lee : Yeah. Let's go get a beer.
Scott Pilgrim : That's great.
[Lucas extends a hand to Scott, then suddenly punches him and laughs]
Scott Pilgrim : You are a pretty good actor.
Lucas Lee : I'm going for the Oscar this year.
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Ramona V. Flowers : If we're gonna date, you may have to defeat my seven evil exes.
Scott Pilgrim : You have seven evil ex-boyfriends?
Ramona V. Flowers : Seven evil exes, yes.
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Stephen Stills : Is she gonna geek out on us?
Scott Pilgrim : She'll just sit in the corner, man.
Stephen Stills : I mean, I want her to geek out on us.
Scott Pilgrim : She'll geek. She geeks. She has the capacity to geek.
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Ramona V. Flowers : I think we should split.
Scott Pilgrim : As in 'get out of here'? Or as in split, split?
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Kim Pine : Ramona dated twins?
Scott Pilgrim : Apparently.
Young Neil : At the same time?
Scott Pilgrim : You know what? I don't know and I don't want to know.
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Stephen Stills : We'd understand if you didn't want to take part.
Scott Pilgrim : Not only do I want to take part, I want to take them apart.
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Ramona V. Flowers : Dying's got to suck.
Scott Pilgrim : You know what sucks? Getting killed by that guy. Why him?
Ramona V. Flowers : It's complicated.
Scott Pilgrim : Well, I'm not going anywhere, so now might be a good time to get into it.
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Gideon Gordon Graves : Are you still mad about the whole thing with The Guild?
Scott Pilgrim : You mean The League?
Gideon Gordon Graves : The Guild, League, whatever. It's ancient history.
Scott Pilgrim : I'll show you how ancient of history it is!
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Ramona V. Flowers : Scott, I don't have all the answers, okay? I'd just like to try and live in the moment if I can.
Scott Pilgrim : I'd just like to live.
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Scott Pilgrim : Then why don't you give me the Cliff Notes on how and why you ended up dating this A-hole?
Ramona V. Flowers : Is that really important right now?
Scott Pilgrim : Well, if there's a key element in his backstory that's gonna help me out in a critical moment of not dying, yes.
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Scott Pilgrim : Have you ever dated someone that wasn't a total ass?
Ramona V. Flowers : Well, so far you're not a total ass.
Scott Pilgrim : But I'm part ass?
Ramona V. Flowers : If it makes you feel any better, you're the nicest guy I've dated.
Scott Pilgrim : Wait, is that good?
Ramona V. Flowers : It's what I need right now.
Scott Pilgrim : But not later?
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Ramona V. Flowers : We all have baggage.
Scott Pilgrim : Well, my baggage doesn't try and kill me every five minutes. What did you do to make your ex-boyfriends so insane?
Ramona V. Flowers : Exes.
Scott Pilgrim : Whatever.
Ramona V. Flowers : No breakup is painless. Somebody always gets hurt.
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Ramona V. Flowers : I can't help myself around him, Scott. He just has this way of getting into my head.
Scott Pilgrim : Well, that's legitimately disappointing. I really will leave you alone forever now.
Ramona V. Flowers : No, I mean, he literally has a way of getting into my head.
[Ramona lifts her hair up on the back of her head, revealing a blinking chip implanted on her skull]
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Scott Pilgrim : I feel like I learned something. Which would be great if I wasn't dead.
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Gideon Gordon Graves : You're not cool enough for Ramona. You're zero! You're nothing! Me? I'm what's hip. I'm what's happening! I'm blowing up right now!
Scott Pilgrim : You are blowing up. Right now!
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Ramona V. Flowers : I should thank you, though.
Scott Pilgrim : For what?
Ramona V. Flowers : For being the nicest guy I ever dated.
Scott Pilgrim : That's kind of sad.
Ramona V. Flowers : It is kind of sad.
Scott Pilgrim : Well, bye, and stuff.
Ramona V. Flowers : Yeah. And stuff.
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Julie Powers : What do you have to say for yourself?
Scott Pilgrim : Can I get a caramel macchiato?
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Scott Pilgrim : What say we drink to my memory? Fair trade blend with soymilk?
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Todd Ingram : Dude, I can see in your mind's eye, that you put half-and-half into one of these coffees, in an attempt to make me break vegan edge. I'll take the one with soy. Thanks, tool.
Scott Pilgrim : Actually, muchacho, I poured the soy in this cup. But I thought real hard about pouring it in that cup. You know, in my mind's eye or whatever.
Todd Ingram : What are you talking about?
Scott Pilgrim : You just drank half-and-half, baby.
