- Dick Casablancas: [after Logan and Veronica walk into his house and all of his friends yell "surprise!"] Dude, what the hell are you doing? Please tell me this is like some reality show called "My Skank."
- Logan: Goodbye, Dick.
- Dick Casablancas: What?
- Logan: Get out of my house. You have a problem with Veronica you leave. Actually you have a problem with Veronica, you're pretty much dead to me so just like evaporate or something, I don't know... That's kind of a general invitation. You don't like my girlfriend then... just start heading towards the rectangle with the knob.
- Van Clemmons: Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?
- Logan: Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy.
- Veronica: I know I'm late. Sorry honey.
- [gives Logan a peck on the cheek, whispers in his ear]
- Veronica: So I talked to this guy on the phone, let me handle it, he's a bit prickly.
- [they approach the desk]
- Desk Manager: May I help you?
- Veronica: You may. My fiancee and I are looking for a honeymoon suite.
- Desk Manager: Oh how wonderful. These are our more affordable packages. The rooms run $350 for courtyard and $450 for full. On the weekends of course it's a two night minimum.
- Veronica: Of course. Here's a little bit more what I had in mind.
- [Veronica brings out a big wedding planner book and starts to flip through it as she shows off a big diamond ring]
- Logan: [playing along] Wow, sugar puss, you've certainly been a busy little bee.
- [Veronica and Logan share a fake laugh]
- Logan: Oh, she's a keeper.
- Cliff McCormack: [to Logan] My name is Cliff, and I'll be your, "If you cannot afford an attorney" attorney.
- Veronica: [voiceover] Tragedy blows through your life like a tornado, uprooting everything. Creating chaos. You wait for the dust to settle and then you choose. You can live in the wreckage and pretend it's still the mansion you remember. Or you can crawl from the rubble and slowly rebuild.
- Jackson Douglas: I hear you do detective stuff for people.
- Veronica: I do favors for friends.
- Jackson Douglas: I can pay.
- Veronica: Sit down, friend.
- Logan: [standing in front of Veronica's car] Do you have any idea what your little joke cost me?
- Veronica: Well, I'm pretty sure you won't be getting your bong back.
- Logan: [smashes Veronica's headlights with a crowbar] Wrong answer. Would you care to guess again?
- Veronica: Clearly your sense of humor...
- Logan: I think we have a choice. I think we could take a tough, but survivable amount of pain now, or stay together and deal with unbearable pain later. So I vote for the pain now.
- Wallace: Underneath that angry young woman show, there's a slightly less angry woman who's just dying to bake me something.
- Veronica: [enter Keith] And...
- Keith: [happy] Who's your Daddy?
- Veronica: I hate it when you say that.
- Keith: This is important, you remember this, I used to be cool.
- Veronica: When?
- Keith: '77. Trans-Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, foxy, stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything. I was never cool.
- Veronica: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked".
- Rebecca James: You know it sounds like you blame Veronica.
- Logan: No, Veronica was my friend too. If she hadn't ratted me out, then Lilly and I would have stayed together. And Lilly wouldn't have been alone that day. I would have been there. So yeah I blame Veronica... and I blame myself for being stupid and I blame Lilly for being a bitch that week.
- Rebecca James: You know there is another way of looking at this, Logan. If you'd still been together, then you'd have been dead too.
- Logan: And what is so great about living?
- Mr. Tom Daniels: [walk in to find Weevil and Logan playing cards] Is this Reno or detention?
- Logan: Can you believe the best of both.
- Weevil: [Daniels takes away their cards] Oh, come on, man.
- Logan: What the hell, we were playing a game here.
- Mr. Tom Daniels: This is punishment gentlemen, not party time.
- Logan: Well, that would explain the absence of balloon animals.
- Veronica: So, my grandma Reynolds was always saying 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.' I wish she was still alive, because I'd really like to ask her what she suggests for when life gives you Chlamydia.
- Logan: [arguing with Veronica] Well isn't it time that you found another bad guy? Look, I just don't... have time to be responsible for every little thing that goes wrong in your life!
- Cindy 'Mac' Mackenzie: Love makes me lazy. It's a dangerous drug. It kills more brain cells than crystal meth.
- Mr. Tom Daniels: You know the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr. Echolls. But do you know what it will get you in the real world?
- Logan: [puts his hands together and looks upward] Please say high school English teacher, please say high school English teacher.
- Trina: I've been kind of out of the loop lately, are you two...?
- Logan: Stop! You shut up. You're wearing Mom's clothes, you're wearing Mom's hat.
- Trina: She was your mom, my stepmom. The lady who liked to parade through the house in a string bikini whenever I had a boy over.
- Logan: To be fair, when didn't you have a boy over.
- Trina: Oh, you...
- [she goes to pinch his cheek]
- Logan: [he smacks her hand away] Dad could have used you there.
- Trina: So now you're worried about Dad's welfare, isn't he the Big Bad Wolf. Cigarette burns and broken noses, oh, the stories you used to tell.
- Logan: Wow, we should get together and do this more often.
- Trina: Well, you're in luck, I'm headed home now. I guess some accountant finally cancelled Mom's cards.
- Logan: But if you're coming home who will play "Dead Hooker Two" on "CSI" this week? How will you get your attention fix?
- Trina: Maybe I can be the ring girl at one of your bum fights.
- Logan: I just can't take the begging. I'll relent, just once - but no cuddling after, and I won't call you in the morning.
- Veronica: You prank-called Mandy?
- Lenny: What if I did?
- Veronica: Well, I want to congratulate you. Shake your hand. Congratulations! You've been named the world's biggest cockroach. This award is given in recognition in your unparalleled lack of decency and humanity. Bravo. You're going to die friendless and alone.
- Lenny: Hey, everyone knows you're the biggest...
- Veronica: Shut up! If I want you to speak, I'll wave a Snausage in front of your nose. You use Mandy again to convince yourself you're not a loser, I will ruin your life. Got it?