- Gollum-Rudy: My precious! Kronk just wants to keep it. We must not let him. No!
- Kronk: Something's just not right here.
- Kuzco: [Appears dressed as Kronk's wife] Boom, baby! Like how I weaseled myself into the movie? Nice.
- Kronk: You don't let a guy like Papi down, or you'll get one of these. The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Sneer of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of Impending Wrath, and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection.
- Skinny Old Man: Hey, Kronk, does this stuff really work?
- Kronk: [under his breath] Hey, does this stuff really work?
- Yzma: [angry whisper] Of course it does, you idiot!
- Kronk: [cheerily] Of course it does, you idiot!
- Skinny Old Man: [long pause] Good enough for me!
- Kronk: Chaca, there's no "i" in team.
- Ms. Birdwell: But there's a "u" in euphoric!
- Kronk: And a "me" in mediocre.
- Rudy: Hey, Kronk, does this stuff really work?
- Kronk: [under his breath to Yzma] Hey, does this stuff really work?
- Skinny Old Man: [angry whisper] Of course it does, you idiot!
- Kronk: [cheerily] Of course it does, you idiot!
- Rudy: [long pause] Good enough for me!
- Kuzco: At this point you're probably wondering, "Hey, where's that emperor guy?" Wella-wella-boom, baby! Kuzco here, coming to you live from the palace.
- Guards: Hail, Kuzco!
- Kuzco: Please, don't grovel, it's embarrasing. I'm not like that anymore. I'm a good guy now. Didn't you see the first movie?
- [Pulls out a giant poster for "Emperor's New Groove"]
- Kuzco: Yay! A 50-foot me! I loved that movie because it was all about me. But now it's Kronk's turn in the limelight. So let me put it as simply as possible: This is his movie, not my movie. His movie, not mine. His, not mine. All right, everybody got it? Even the little ones? Good. So grab some popcorn, take a sippy-sip of your sip stuff, and enjoy. I'll be back later to check up on you. Now, action!
- Kronk: Something's just not right here.
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Figured that out on your own genius?
- Kronk: Yeah, sure did. Figured what out?
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: [sighs, places eye test like machine on Kronk's face] Okay
- Kronk: Uh...
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Take a look at your pal, Rudy.
- [Shows a picture of Rudy with clothes]
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: This is before.
- [Shows picture of Rudy without clothes, still old]
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: This is after. Before. After. You see any difference?
- Kronk: Hmm, can I see before again?
- [Angel Kronk adjustes]
- Kronk: Well, I give up. They look exactly the same.
- [He then realizes]
- Kronk: He looks exactly the same, so the potion is worthless, and Yzma's a crook, and it's all my fault because I helped her do it.
- Devil Kronk: What's the problem? Look at him. He's happy. Eh, fine. You win.
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Oh yeah
- [Gets one more score than Devil Kronk]
- Kronk: The nightmare began on a day like any other. Actually, that would make it a daymare, but I digress.
- Kronk: [reading the label on his egg carton] "Kronk's eggs, property of Kronk. Do not touch, except for Kronk." Hey! What are you doing with my eggs?
- Ms. Birdwell: What are *you* doing with my raisins, sir?
- Kronk: These aren't your raisins!
- Ms. Birdwell: [snatches the box of raisins out of Kronk's hand; reads the back of the box] "Birdwell's raisins, property of Birdwell. Do not touch, except for Birdwell"!
- Kronk: Huh! You'd think I would've seen that.
- Tipo: Kronk's in trouble! His father's here! He doesn't have a wife or kids or a house on the hill. l've got to help him!
- Kronk: I've got a proposition. My eggs, your raisins...
- Ms. Birdwell: [lovestruck] Oh.
- Kronk: We could make beautiful bread together.
- [they hold hands]
- Ms. Birdwell: Get out your oven mitts. Things are about to get... hot.
- Kronk: Trust me, you don't want to upset Papi or else you'll get one of these: The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Snear of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of Impending Wrath, and worst of all...
- [inhales deeply]
- Kronk: The Nostril Flare of Total Rejection!