The Producers (2005)
Roger Bart: Carmen Ghia
Photos
Quotes
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[Carmen answers the phone, a piano underscore playing]
Carmen Ghia : Hello, the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger De Bris' elegant Upper East Side townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June. Whom may I say is calling?
[Carmen frowns and the piano abruptly stops]
Carmen Ghia : Listen, you broken down old queen. He was drunk, he was hot, you got lucky! Don't ever call here again!
[he slams the phone down]
Roger De Bris : Who was that?
Carmen Ghia : Wrong number!
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Roger De Bris : Oh dear, your Mr. Bloom is staring at my gown. I should explain. I'm going to the choreographer's ball this evening. There is a prize for best costume.
Carmen Ghia : We always win.
Roger De Bris : I'm not so sure about this year. I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building!
Carmen Ghia : Well, as far as I'm concerned, without your wig on, you're only half-dressed.
Roger De Bris : Well then, why don't you go and get it, o Wicked Witch of the West?
[pause]
Carmen Ghia : If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart... bulls-eye!
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Carmen Ghia : [Leo and Max have just left Franz, wearing swastika armbands and arrive at Roger's penthouse, forgetting they're wearing them. Carmen greets them at the door] May I take your hat, your coat, and your swastikas?
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Roger De Bris : This crazy Kraut is crackers! He crashed in here and crassly tried to kill us!
Carmen Ghia : Oh, Roger, what alliteration!
Roger De Bris : Thank you, darling.
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Franz Liebkind : [while waving a gun around] You made a fool of Hitler!
Carmen Ghia , Roger De Bris : [Carmen and Roger peer over the couch where they are hiding] He didn't need our help.
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Carmen Ghia : Roger, We're not alone...
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Carmen Ghia : If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart... Bull's-eye!
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Carmen Ghia : [answering the door at Roger's house] Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss?
Max Bialystock : I...
Carmen Ghia : ...sss!
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Roger De Bris : I am going to the choreographers' ball this evening. There is a prize for best costume.
Carmen Ghia : We always win.
Roger De Bris : I am not so sure about this year. I am supposed to be the Grand Dutchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building.
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Roger De Bris , Carmen Ghia : [sung] A Happy Ending will pep up your play...
Roger De Bris : [sung] Oedipus won't bomb...
Carmen Ghia : [sung] If he winds up with Mom! / Keep it gay...
Roger De Bris : [sung] Keep it gay...
Roger De Bris , Carmen Ghia : [sung] Keep it gay!
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Leo Bloom , Max Bialystock , Carmen Ghia , Roger De Bris : Break a leg!
[CRASH!]
Max Bialystock : Franz, what happened?
Franz Liebkind : I broke my leg!
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Carmen Ghia : And so the rule is, when mounting a... play. Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay.
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Carmen Ghia : [At Hitler auditions] Jason Green.
Roger De Bris : Well Jason, what have you been up to lately?
Jason Green : For the last 16 years, I've been touring in "No, No Nietzsche."
Roger De Bris : You played Nietzsche?
Jason Green : No, no.
Roger De Bris : What are you going to sing for us?
Jason Green : Have you ever heard the German band?
Roger De Bris : No.
Jason Green : That is the name of the song I am going to sing.
Roger De Bris : Oh.
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Roger De Bris : Oh and Max darling we LOVED Funny Boy, didn't we Carmen?
Carmen Ghia : Oh WORSHIPPED it! Uh... To be or not to be...
Roger De Bris : You mean a lot to me!
Roger De Bris : Show stoppah!
Carmen Ghia : FABULOUS!
Max Bialystock : ...Right.
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Carmen Ghia : [coming out of the closet] OCIFFERS!
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Roger De Bris : Carmen, call in a singing Hitler, please.
Carmen Ghia : Yes, darling- Roger.
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Carmen Ghia : May I take your hats, your coats, and your Swastikas?
Max Bialystock : Oh, these?
[Max and Leo take off their Swastika armbands and hand them to Carmen]
Max Bialystock : [laughs nervously] We just came from this big rally. Everyone was wearing one!