The Child I Never Was (2002) User Reviews

Disturbing and mostly refreshing take on a serial killer.

[ThrownMuse · 7/10 · 26 April 2005]

This is a dramatized account of Jurgen Bartsch's life, who I think might be the youngest serial killer on record. As a teen in the 1960s, he murdered and molested a number of boys his age. The story is told through recreations of his childhood, recreations of taped confessions, and Bartsch's actual journal entries. Most of the violence and, uh, necrophilia is offscreen and implied, which makes the film feel less exploitative, but it is still very disturbing. While the viewer is witness to his troubled childhood, it is admirable that the film doesn't point fingers in any specific direction. Also, it doesn't portray Bartsch's extreme deviancy as being a product of or related to his homosexuality. The young teen playing Bartsch is outstanding, but some of the recreated taped confessions are annoying in that meandering way contemporary serial killer movies tend to be.

My Rating: 7/10.

An Excellent Examination of the Darkness of Madness

[gradyharp · 9/10 · 18 September 2007]

Kai S. Peck is one courageous Director! He has created a very substantial and quite disturbing film about an actual bizarre serial killer and through the statements and letters of his subject and a book by Paul Moor and his astute directing he has been able to step over the sensationalism of his subject and open the door into the mind of a very ill person.

THE CHILD I NEVER WAS (originally titled EIN LEBEN LANG KURZE HOSEN TRAGEN) is frighteningly based on fact. From 1962 through 1966 a fifteen-year-old boy named Jurgen Bartsch tortured, murdered, and then sexually molested four young German boys. This infamous serial killer is first introduced in a black and white sequence of Jurgen as a 20 year old (Tobias Schenke) in prison for his crimes. He frankly talks about his crimes, acknowledging their evil, but at the same time seeks to uncover his own motivations for having performed such deeds. Through a series of flashbacks we see Jurgen as a child and as a 15 year old (Sebastian Urgendowsky) and discover he was adopted by a couple who are bipolar parents - Gertrud (Ulrike Bliefert) and Gerhard (Walter Gontermann) Bartsch. Their parenting is brutally bounced from feigned kindness to flailing mistreatments. They do not allow Jurgen to have friends, to socialize, to have any interests. When Jurgen begins to get in touch with his sexuality, they foster care him and seek professional advice for his sickness of homosexuality.

Young Jurgen is unable to relate to anyone and he yearns for friends. He discovers a cave where he can escape form his ugly world and fantasize about many things, including sexual fantasies about boys 'ages 8 through 14'. Gradually he gives in to his compulsion to seduce boys into his cave where he tortures them, eviscerates them, and once they are dead he has sexual acting out with them. At one point he seeks a priest's (Jürgen Christoph Kamcke) confession booth seeking absolution, but the priest only tells him that he must confess to the police and devote his life to charity. Eventually during his fourth episode of his serial madness he leaves his victim bound, disturbed that this boy actually seems to return Jurgen's bizarre sexual advances, and when he returns to the cave the boy has escaped. Jurgen is captured and imprisoned.

The way in which the film resolves is actually touching in that from surprise confessions we grow to understand these serial murders on a certain level. To reveal these facts would hamper the suspense of the film. Suffice it to say that here is a sophisticated film unafraid to enter the darkest regions of a young man's mind and in doing so heightens our awareness of the fine line between response to personal abuse and madness. The cast is extraordinarily fine. Grady Harp

The child I never was.

[HumanoidOfFlesh · 9/10 · 15 July 2010]

In 1966 19-year old Jürgen Bartsch was arrested after an unsuccessful attempt to torture,kill and dismember a young boy.Between 1962 and 1966 Bartsch had killed 4 young boys aged 8 to 12.He estimated to have undertaken more than 100 further homicidal attempts.The method of actual murder was beating and strangulation.He dismembered most of the bodies,pricked out the eyes,decapitated the bodies and removed the genitals.He died in 1976 due to an error in the anaesthetic procedure during voluntary castration."The Child I Never Was" is a frighteningly realistic and pretty dark biography of this homosexual serial killer.The script is gripping,the acting is believable and the violence is more suggestive than graphic.9 out of 10.

A very disturbing but riveting film

[bkitchin-2 · 27 May 2005]

There is no question that this film is very disturbing and is not for many people. The director avoids the graphic, shock techniques of many other films. He doesn't rub our noses in the horror. This makes the actual dramatic effect of the tale he retells all the stronger. It is a horror that hits the mind rather than the stomach (at least for me). A lot of horror films have a near comedic element to them. This drama has none of that. It was quite stark.

The facts are apparently true. The horrifying realization I came away with is that I could find no explanation for why he did what he did. But he did it. An original researcher into the confessions on which this is based suggested that the boy / young man may have been effectively messing with the heads of his captures and, eventually, us.

It is clear that no answers, simple or complex, are provided. We are left to wonder where it all came from and whether it could have been avoided. As I said very disturbing.

The directing and editing were quite excellent. While the movie had some color it was mostly black and white. This suited the mood of what was being presented. The acting of the younger character was quite good. Someone commented on having a problem with the 'confessions' of the older character. I thought they were well done and gave a flavor of what those who heard the confession probably heard. The confessions were not smoothed out for movie purposes. The cutting back and forth between the older and the younger character was very effective. A well done disturbing film.

Totmacher light

[Horst_In_Translation · 4/10 · 21 March 2017]

Now it may only be personal perception, but when I hear the German title "Ein Leben Lang Kurze Hosen Tragen", I think of a relatively light mix of drama and comedy, maybe a coming-of-age film. But this is none of that at all. My guess couldn't be any more wrong. This is a mix of drama and thriller with crime references from start to finish. It is the most known work by writer and director Kai S. Pieck who adapted Paul Moor's book here and also includes direct quotes by Jürgen Bartsch, who is also the protagonist in here. We hear him reflect on his crimes, partially fictitious, partially actual words from Bartsch. I think this is one of the rare occasions when the screenplay and writing is not a problem at all. It was pretty well done I must say and I also liked the ending for example. But I still did not enjoy the watch. This has mostly to do with lead actor Tobias Schenke because from start to finish of this relatively short 80-minute movie I had the impression that I was watching Schenke and not Bartsch. I may be a bit biased here as I never saw a great deal of talent in Schenke, but also he did not manage to win me over with great material, a truly baity character and a pretty good script. And the younger version of Bartsch (many flashbacks) isn't any better. He is played by Sebastian Urzendowsky and he is on the same, maybe even higher, level of overrated for me compared to Schenke. Such a shame, they did not cast more capable actors here as there was certainly the possibility to make this a pretty memorable movie. It is basically with the exception of the previously mentioned flashbacks a one-man show for Schenke and while he had some solid moments, he wasn't up to the challenge to carry this film all alone on his shoulders. Eventually "The Child I Never Was" (the English title) is a relatively similar movie like "Der Totmacher", but in that one Götz George showed everybody what a difference a strong lead performance makes in relation to the overall outcome of the film. So yeah, it's fine this film was made if it gets people to take a look at who Bartsch was and what he did, but from a mere cinematic perspective I cannot recommend this one. I suggest you watch a documentary on him instead or just read the book this is based on. I give this movie a thumbs-down. Not recommended.

" sad glimpses of the stunted boy inside the beast"

[ninoguapo · 10/10 · 24 November 2006]

Shocking as it may be – this movie shows a unique viewpoint of a boy/ young man- the storyline is full with possible answers to the question – why Jürgen committed the horrible crimes portrayed in the movie.

I can hardly believe that someone will see this movie and fill find the guilt in the only boy himself – the parents and the surroundings of Jürgen played their role too to shape his mentality. "…sad glimpses of the stunted boy inside the beast" was written in what review – and that seems to me the most important point of the film – but I wonder if too many people will be able to see trough …" The movie was disturbing indeed, especially since it is based on a true story. Some of the reviews I went trough about this movie were pointing out that the fact that Jürgen doesn't want to grow up is essential part of his "ill mentality " – and I strongly disagree with such opinion- what he did – those killings are evil , but they can not be associate with such desire of youthful life.

Only a super intelligent person can appreciate this move.

[thegirble · 10/10 · 3 February 2005]

I LOVED this movie. I have showed it for a few people and within the first few minutes they were out of tune with it. They are simple minded low-brains. This movie explores the deepest feelings and feelings within feelings of the heart, soul, and mind.

This movie tells the story of an addiction. The addiction is so strong that the character must decide which road is going to be LESS painful to him. Either be a criminal or deny his heart of his desire.

I don't know who will like this movie but I sure did. The narrator describes all of his feelings. One might think that he is being vulgar or proud when in reality - it shows that he is innocently sincere.

This movie is powerful - bold and strong. It is not for everyone and I am glad that I got to see it finally. I heard it existed but I couldn't get a copy until recently when it was released here in the USA on DVD. To anyone hiding a secret passion, the movie is common sense but to the normal Joe bl*w, its will be too strong.