Waiting... (I) (2005)

Dane Cook: Floyd

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dan : We need to seize the day. Be enthusiastic.

  Floyd : [enthusiastically]  Yeah! Carpe deez nuts! God I can't wait to quit this job!

• Mitch : [after being interrupted yet again, Mitch has had enough]  Hey turn down the music for minute... Hey would you turn down the music?

  Kid at Stereo : Dude, chill.

  Mitch : Would you turn down the fucking music for a minute! Jesus!

  [Mitch turns the power off on the stereo and turns to everyone] 

  Mitch : This is fucking bullshit! I have been here all goddamned day and you haven't let me say one thing! None of you!

  Monty : Well, damn, Mitch, I...

  Mitch : Oh, no, asshole! You shut the fuck up now. It's my turn to talk! You're all fucked in the head! All of you! I mean you.

  [points at Naomi] 

  Mitch : Change your fuckin' tampon and have another drink you crazy, fuckin' bitch!

  [Points at Dean] 

  Mitch : And you! "Waaahh, I don't know what to be when I grow up!" Join the fucking army or something! Goddamn.

  [Points at Calvin] 

  Mitch : Oh, and you! You know what? You're too easy. And you.

  [Points to Monty] 

  Mitch : FUCK YOU MONTY! Always gotta be right, with your little quips! We get it, man. You're fuckin' edgy and cool. Yeah! You're the coolest fuckin' guy at Shenaniganz! WHOOO! That's like being the smartest kid with Down syndrome! Oh and, oh, yeah. Why aren't you in jail? I mean what

  [looks at Natasha] 

  Mitch : are you like 13, 14?

  Monty : She's almost 18.

  Mitch : You know what? Fuck this! You all suck. I quit.

  [Goes to leave and gets to the door and turns around] 

  Mitch : Oh, and yeah. There is one more thing.

  [Points at Floyd] 

  Mitch : You... You are the biggest piece of shit in this entire restaurant.

  [Floyd looks around to see if Mitch is actually talking to him] 

  Mitch : And I hope you burn in hell.

  Floyd : Me? What the fuck did I do to you, man? Seriously?

  Raddimus : [Mitch pulls down his pants and everyone says "Oh shit!]  The goat! The goat, you bastard!

  Mitch : [Mitch pulls up his pants and opens the door and walks out]  Fuckin' faggots.

  Monty : That was the shit!

  [he runs out after Mitch] 

  Monty : Mitch! Mitch! Stop please. Look, look. Stop, stop. Okay I am sorry, and I hearby swear my undying allegiance to you. You are the fucking man.

• Floyd : [to Mitch]  Welcome to Thunderdome, Bitch.

• Calvin : Come on guys, this is bull crap. Where the hell's my chicken sandwich?

  Floyd : [Picks up chicken with tongs, drops in on the prep board. Points tongs over counter at Calvin]  Fuck you, bitch!

  Calvin : What the hell did I do to you, Floyd?

  Floyd : [Using chicken and tongs as microphone, sings]  Eat at Shenaniganz, Enjoy your food. Eat at Shenaniganz, Calvin works here!

  Calvin : Oh, that's hardly sanitary.

• Floyd : We almost had to move it up to the 10 second rule!

• Dean : Hey, Floyd, make sure there's no bacon on the chef salad. It's against their religion.

  Floyd : Yes Masta. Right away, Masta. Ain't gon' be no, no bacon on the salad Masta.

  [while getting whipped with a towel] 

  Floyd : NO! AH! NO!

  Floyd : [singing]  Mm-hmm-hmm, no bacon on the salad!

• Mitch : All Right. Fuck this, I Quit

  Mitch : [looks around the room, sees Floyd]  You. You are the biggest piece of shit at this entire restaurant. I hope you burn in hell.

  Floyd : Me? What the fuck did I ever do to you? I mean seriously.

• Dean : Hey Floyd, no bacon on that salad.

  Floyd : [Looks at Dean and speaks with a southern twang]  Yes massa, ain't gon' be no bacon on the salad

  [Cook starts whipping Floyd with a towel while Floyd starts singing devotional-style] 

  Floyd : Oh lord, no bacon... No bacon the salad...

• Raddimus : That's Floyd. Floyd!

  Floyd : [pulls a knife]  Welcome to Thunderdome, bitch!