A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)

Meryl Streep: Aunt Josephine

Photos 

Quotes 

• [about Aunt Josephine's deceased husband, Ike] 

  Klaus Baudelaire : Did Ike die in a fire?

  Aunt Josephine : No, no, silly boy... he was eaten by leeches.

  Sunny : [non-subtitled]  Okay

• Aunt Josephine : The children are going to serve puttanesca.

  Count Olaf : [gasps]  The very meal I ate before they took me leg!

• Aunt Josephine : Where's your brother?

  Violet Baudelaire : Kitchen.

  Aunt Josephine : Klaus! What are you doing?

  Klaus Baudelaire : Napkins.

  Aunt Josephine : Napkins. Oh, napkins are here. Come away from the fridge. If it falls it'll crush you flat.

• Aunt Josephine : [the children have gasped at recognizing Count Olaf]  The black plague! Is it the black plague?

• [after telling the children how Ike died] 

  Aunt Josephine : Oh, God, I hate it here.

  Violet Baudelaire : Well, Aunt Josephine, have you ever thought of, maybe, moving someplace else? Maybe, if you moved away from Lake Lachrymose, you might feel better.

  Aunt Josephine : Oh, I could never, never, never, never sell this house.

  [pause] 

  Aunt Josephine : I'm terrified of realtors.

  Lemony Snicket : There are two kinds of fears. Rational and irrational. Being afraid of realtors is an irrational fear.

  [in a flashback] 

  Realtor : [shows her card to a tentative Josephine]  Is this a bad time?

  Aunt Josephine : [screams at the top of her lungs] 

  [in the present] 

  Klaus Baudelaire : [to Violet]  We gotta get her out of the house.

• Klaus Baudelaire : You know, Curdled Cave is for sale.

  Aunt Josephine : So?

  Klaus Baudelaire : So, pretty soon people are going to come to look at it. And some of those people will be... realtors.

  [Aunt Josephine gasps] 

• Aunt Josephine : I hate it here.

  Violet Baudelaire : Well, maybe, Aunt Josephine, you should think about moving.

  Aunt Josephine : Oh, I could never, ever sell this house.

  [pause] 

  Aunt Josephine : I'm terrified of realtors.

  [flashback] 

  Realtor : Is this a bad time?

  Aunt Josephine : Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

• Aunt Josephine : Come in quickly children...

  [the children rush in; she freaks out] 

  Aunt Josephine : Aah! Not that quickly! You could trip over the welcome mat and decapitate yourselves.

• Aunt Josephine : Haven't.

  Count Olaf : What?

  Aunt Josephine : You said hadn't. That's bad grammar. You should have said, "You haven't been a trustworthy person."

  Count Olaf : Thank you... for correcting me.

• Count Olaf : [as Captain Sham]  I's the boy who runs the boat down near the pier there!

  Aunt Josephine : Oh... what happened to Captain Sam?

  Count Olaf : Uhhhh... he's me third cousin on me father's side. He's afeared of that big gale comin' in. Said he started to get that sinkin' feelin'.

  [cut to Captain Sam being thrown into the water, chained to an anchor] 

  Count Olaf : ...Sure he'll turn up sooner or later.