Club Dread (2004)
Erik Stolhanske: Sam
Photos
Quotes
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Hank : When you're all done with your little pink panty meltdown, let me know... 'cause I'd like to get down to business.
Coconut Pete : I thought it was time to bring in the pro.
Sam, The Fun Police : Hank?
Coconut Pete : Yes, Hank. The head of security on all my tours.
Jenny : So, what? He keeps aging hippies from stealing the bong out of your tour bus?
Coconut Pete : It just so happens that Hank used to be a federal agent. Yes, that's right. Headed an FBI task force on serial killers. Single-handedly caught the Minneapolis Mangler.
Lars : Who's the Minneapolis Mangler?
Hank : Exactly!
Dave : Pete, you are aware that I've personally served this guy 20 beers a day for the last 10 years, right?
Hank : [shows a nasty scar on his stomach] Hey, I was in Nicaragua, junior! When you can stuff your intestines back in your pockets and walk 20 klicks to an aid station after a knife fight with guerrilla drug lords, then you talk to me!
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Sam : [referring to lyrics from a Coconut Pete song] You know, octopus spelled backwards is supotco. Juan, isn't that Spanish for something?
Juan : Supotco? No. But, the word for shoe is zapato.
Sam : Hmm, shoe.
Putman : [returning from being on stage] What'd I miss?
Jenny : Apparently somebody's going to get killed with a shoe.
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Sam : It's not a party until someone breaks the Jacuzzi.
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Sam : Nobody ever suspects the fun police.
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Sam, The Fun Police : Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Coconut Pete's Pleasure Island. You have the right to fun. If you choose not to have fun, fun will be provided for you.
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Sam : The boat may be hidden under some sticks... or branches.
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Sam : Nobody ever suspects the Fun Police.
Juan : Bullshit. I always have suspected you.
Sam : Bullshit. You did not.
Juan : You are the bullshit! He's the guy from the campfire story: Machete Phil, the kid with no dick.
Sam : No. That's just an old campfire story.
Juan : What do you piss out of, your asshole?
Sam : It's just a story! I have a dick. I'm not Machete Phil. I'm Machete Sam.
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Sam : Alright, Lars will probably come after us here.
Jenny : We don't know for sure that it is Lars. We don't know if he got out, or if someone else got in.
Sam : [accusing tone of voice] What is it with you and Lars? I'm beginning to wonder if you two aren't in cahoots! I mean, let's see. You had sex with Rolo, and he's dead. You and Cliff, right? He's dead.
Jenny : [defending herself] Give me a break. I screwed Juan and Pete, and those guys aren't dead.
Putman Livingston : [feeling hurt that Jenny never had sex with him] Bloody hell, Jen! Am I the only one?
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Sam : Did you know I can hold my breath for 3 minutes and 33 seconds?
