"Vollweib sucht Halbtagsmann" is a German television film from 2002, so this one will have its 20th anniversary soon and maybe, depending on when you read this review of mine, it happened already. Right now, it is still slightly under 1.5 years. The film's title is relatively difficult to translate because it includes two really specific terms that were meant as a contrast and for sounding funny, but the opposite is the case. Cringe galore. You could basically explain it that we have a woman looking for a man, but her life is already quite packed because of her son and her job and that the guy will definitely not be the really central aspect in her life as soon as she finds one. This is a very fitting description for the lead actress as she always plays characters like these. In every movie she is in. But we shall get to her a little later. Let's stick with the basic facts here first: The movie runs for 1.5 hours as they usually do and if we are looking at time passed this one is much closer to the Fall of the Berlin Wall than to the year 2020, which shows you that this is a pretty old film already. Got released a little over half a year after the Twin Towers collapsed if that means something to you. Then again, to me it still feels like yesterday, so maybe not the best comparison. Now let's take a look at the people who made this movie: The director is Helmut Metzger and there is nothing really to say about him. One single look at the fact that he has made so many Katie Fforde adaptations in the last decade is self-explanatory here. He's absolutely void of any talent whatsoever. His body of work from approximately the era when he made this film is just as bad. One cringeworthy garbage television movie after the other. Mostly stupid romance stuff. This guy is truly the epitome of quantity over quality. He could live for another half century I suppose and still would not have come up with a film that deserves a positive recommendation. Maybe it sounds a bit harsh and I still think it is true that the writers are usually more to blame than the directors if a film sucks, but he has worked on so many weak films that there is no excuse. Speaking of the writers, this movie here is book-based. This novel by Eva Völler is the only work from her that got turned into a movie. At least according to imdb. I have not read the book, but still kinda feel as if it is a good thing because I kinda think that the book was not much better than the movie. Made for simple-minded readers I suppose. Also the only way she could have gotten my respect would have been if she had vetoed the release of the movie because of how poor it turned out from beginning to end. As for the duo that adapted the book, Oesterlin and Schellack, their bodies of work are self-explanatory as well. Absolutely horrible. Almost everything they have come up with since the late 1970s and apparently they have worked together on many films, so it seems as if they really bring out the worst in each other. Chapeau. If you are still not convinced that this is an abysmal movie, then the fact that this is a collaboration between Ziegler Film and ARD Degeto could do the trick. These two have really worked on hundreds of trash films over the years and when they collaborate, then minus and minus does not equal plus, but minus minus minus minus minus. It is this bad. As bad as the embarrassing title suggests. Your GEZ money at work, folks.
This of course also has to do with Christine Neubauer playing the title character (the first word). Not a surprise though. Only Neubauer or maybe Thomalla could play a "Vollweib". Oh well, maybe Ferres too, but she did so only once. Not even she is this bad. Which says it all about Neubauer, the epitome of a German actress always in all her films striking all the wrong notes. It may sound harsh again, but it's the truth and I guess she can live with it looking at how many times she got cast for lead roles. Can't even blame her. The ones really to blame are those still casting her although there are dozens of pieces of evidence (i.e. movies) showing us and them that Neubauer is the exact opposite of a performer with range and versatility when it comes to acting. As for the supporting players, Knüfken and Fitz are familiar faces too for sure, at least to German film buffs and there are maybe one or two other actors part of the cast here you may remember from other projects. Not gonna go any further into detail here. Instead, let me focus a bit on the plot and story and mention some moments that were even worse than the generally bad scenes throughout the film. There were some that stand out in a highly negative manner from this extremely weak film. I can think of two moments immediately that are actually at a similar stage time-wise from the movie. One would be when for some reason the male (initial) love interest to Neubauer's character talks about a bike if I remember correctly and compares the wheels(?) the the female protagonist's cleavage. I wonder if they could get away with that today with #metoo going on. Maybe at least not in a way where the female protagonist finds it hot and is flattered. Maybe even turned on. I cringed so hard there. But when I really burst into laughter was quickly afterwards when we got an accident with the wine I believe it was (always happens in films like this, usually with waiters though) and the female protagonist cleans the male character's shirt while he is still wearing it. There is immediate erotic tension and what does she do? Intentionally spill the wine all over her shirt, so he needs to do the same and touch her in this area. I don't even... I mean I have seen a lot cringeworthy moments, especially in Degeto/Neubauer films, but this was really taking things to the next level, also how Neubauer was acting in this moment. Unreal stuff. It would have been amazing as a parody, but no they were really serious with that. Of course, only seconds later the son comes in and Neubauer has to focus on him and what he wants and he will always be the most important man in her life. At least for another ten years or so, probably longer. But the appropriate male of course accepts that and is happy enough to get just a bit of the attention from a sublime woman like Neubauer. Okay, I hope you get the sarcasm here. Another embarrassing inclusion is how it is exposed that the "bad guy" really only wanted to be in touch again because of a business contract he was going for. And how she leaves him when she realizes. Yeah right. How about talking to him first with how crazy she apparently was for him. But no, realism is nothing to expect in these films. But of course, the guy then says it is true it was his initial intention, but of course he fell for an amazingly beautiful woman like Neubauer again. The football references are pretty cringe too with how one man messes up taking the son to the stadium and the other is there to support him. It's true: The police officer fella here really has to trade in his self-worth and drool all film long over the female protagonist to be at least slightly worthy to get her. Of course, he also needs to have a pretty attractive young female suitor himself that he does not care for however because all he wants is Neubauer's character, who is even older than him. She is a woman. The other one is a girl. And the gap between Neubauer and Fitz is even bigger in terms of age, although of course we don't know about the character's ages. I would not be surprised if with all the nonsense going on here they would want us to believe Neubauer's character is actually a decade younger than the actress. And finally, we talked a lot about the family connections already, there is also business life going on. When was the last time you met your boss at a garden party and he tells you he will move abroad and one minute later he appoints you as the new boss after you asked him and he had no initial intention to do so? Happens all the time, right? Well, at least it does here in this movie right at the very start. There you can already see how much credibility there is to this mess. In order for us, i.e. the audience, not to forget how desirable Neubauer is, we hear from another character that all males at the celebration are crazy for her of course. How could they not be. okay, I guess this is pretty much it. There is cringe and true embarrassment wherever you look here. I could easily mention another dozen scenes and inclusions that were really rotten to the core like the scenes with the deliverer or the pig hunting scene (this is how men are depicted in Degeto films, how funny! with the girls watching and being amused), how Neubauer's character tells a friend that she will not fall for her ex again, but does so right away, the references on two occasions about how good her ex was in bed, several characters realizing and verbally expressing how unlikable Fitz's character is (guess what, calling a random stranger that plays with his son an idiot is not likable either, even if you have acted in Winnetou, typical example of how the audience's mind needs to be manipulated) etc. So much in here. Or so little is what I should say instead. Absolutely abysmal movie. Highly not recommended and abolutely shameful that ARD etc. are still giving this to audiences after all these years. That this is still airing on national television. Fat thumbs-down.
This of course also has to do with Christine Neubauer playing the title character (the first word). Not a surprise though. Only Neubauer or maybe Thomalla could play a "Vollweib". Oh well, maybe Ferres too, but she did so only once. Not even she is this bad. Which says it all about Neubauer, the epitome of a German actress always in all her films striking all the wrong notes. It may sound harsh again, but it's the truth and I guess she can live with it looking at how many times she got cast for lead roles. Can't even blame her. The ones really to blame are those still casting her although there are dozens of pieces of evidence (i.e. movies) showing us and them that Neubauer is the exact opposite of a performer with range and versatility when it comes to acting. As for the supporting players, Knüfken and Fitz are familiar faces too for sure, at least to German film buffs and there are maybe one or two other actors part of the cast here you may remember from other projects. Not gonna go any further into detail here. Instead, let me focus a bit on the plot and story and mention some moments that were even worse than the generally bad scenes throughout the film. There were some that stand out in a highly negative manner from this extremely weak film. I can think of two moments immediately that are actually at a similar stage time-wise from the movie. One would be when for some reason the male (initial) love interest to Neubauer's character talks about a bike if I remember correctly and compares the wheels(?) the the female protagonist's cleavage. I wonder if they could get away with that today with #metoo going on. Maybe at least not in a way where the female protagonist finds it hot and is flattered. Maybe even turned on. I cringed so hard there. But when I really burst into laughter was quickly afterwards when we got an accident with the wine I believe it was (always happens in films like this, usually with waiters though) and the female protagonist cleans the male character's shirt while he is still wearing it. There is immediate erotic tension and what does she do? Intentionally spill the wine all over her shirt, so he needs to do the same and touch her in this area. I don't even... I mean I have seen a lot cringeworthy moments, especially in Degeto/Neubauer films, but this was really taking things to the next level, also how Neubauer was acting in this moment. Unreal stuff. It would have been amazing as a parody, but no they were really serious with that. Of course, only seconds later the son comes in and Neubauer has to focus on him and what he wants and he will always be the most important man in her life. At least for another ten years or so, probably longer. But the appropriate male of course accepts that and is happy enough to get just a bit of the attention from a sublime woman like Neubauer. Okay, I hope you get the sarcasm here. Another embarrassing inclusion is how it is exposed that the "bad guy" really only wanted to be in touch again because of a business contract he was going for. And how she leaves him when she realizes. Yeah right. How about talking to him first with how crazy she apparently was for him. But no, realism is nothing to expect in these films. But of course, the guy then says it is true it was his initial intention, but of course he fell for an amazingly beautiful woman like Neubauer again. The football references are pretty cringe too with how one man messes up taking the son to the stadium and the other is there to support him. It's true: The police officer fella here really has to trade in his self-worth and drool all film long over the female protagonist to be at least slightly worthy to get her. Of course, he also needs to have a pretty attractive young female suitor himself that he does not care for however because all he wants is Neubauer's character, who is even older than him. She is a woman. The other one is a girl. And the gap between Neubauer and Fitz is even bigger in terms of age, although of course we don't know about the character's ages. I would not be surprised if with all the nonsense going on here they would want us to believe Neubauer's character is actually a decade younger than the actress. And finally, we talked a lot about the family connections already, there is also business life going on. When was the last time you met your boss at a garden party and he tells you he will move abroad and one minute later he appoints you as the new boss after you asked him and he had no initial intention to do so? Happens all the time, right? Well, at least it does here in this movie right at the very start. There you can already see how much credibility there is to this mess. In order for us, i.e. the audience, not to forget how desirable Neubauer is, we hear from another character that all males at the celebration are crazy for her of course. How could they not be. okay, I guess this is pretty much it. There is cringe and true embarrassment wherever you look here. I could easily mention another dozen scenes and inclusions that were really rotten to the core like the scenes with the deliverer or the pig hunting scene (this is how men are depicted in Degeto films, how funny! with the girls watching and being amused), how Neubauer's character tells a friend that she will not fall for her ex again, but does so right away, the references on two occasions about how good her ex was in bed, several characters realizing and verbally expressing how unlikable Fitz's character is (guess what, calling a random stranger that plays with his son an idiot is not likable either, even if you have acted in Winnetou, typical example of how the audience's mind needs to be manipulated) etc. So much in here. Or so little is what I should say instead. Absolutely abysmal movie. Highly not recommended and abolutely shameful that ARD etc. are still giving this to audiences after all these years. That this is still airing on national television. Fat thumbs-down.
