The Santa Clause 2 (2002)

Tim Allen: Scott Calvin, Santa, Toy Santa

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Abby : It's... Charlie.

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : [Obliviously]  Sheen? I thought he straightened out?

  Abby : Not that Charlie.

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : My Charlie? My son Charlie? He's on the Naughty list? There's gotta be a mistake.

• Lucy : Uncle Scott, are you Santa Claus?

  Scott Calvin : What makes you say that?

  Lucy : Because you have a reindeer.

  Scott Calvin : Lots of people have reindeer.

  Lucy : Name five.

• Bernard : OK, Chet. This is it. You ready to rock and roll?

  Principal Carol Newman : Chet?

  Bernard : Yeah. He's still in training.

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : How much flight time has he had?

  Bernard : About a minute and a half.

  Curtis, the Experimental Elf : Yeah but he's had a lotta crash time.

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : Curtis.

  Curtis, the Experimental Elf : He's just a baby.

• Principal Carol Newman : Well, maybe if you spent more time with your son, there would be fewer problems.

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : Maybe, but then I wouldn't get to spend more time with you. It's always such a pleasure.

  Principal Carol Newman : Oh, a battle of wits. It's a shame that you come unarmed.

• Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : I have to get married?

  Bernard : Yes. It's the Mrs. Clause.

• Toy Santa : You are a sad, strange little man!

• Scott Calvin : Wait a minute, I got it. I got it. I got it. How about this: The Molintator.

  Tooth Fairy : The Molinator. I like it. Thank you, Santa. Can we vote right now on The Molinator?

• Toy Santa : [after drinking hot cocoa]  I think Santa feels a little buzz!

• Scott Calvin : [Going on a date]  A needlepoint sweater and a mini-van. I'll be back in about eight minutes.

• Scott Calvin : Neil, have you ever actually *helped* anyone?

• Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : Why didn't Bernard come tell me this?

  Curtis, the Experimental Elf : He's under house arrest!

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : [shocked]  Bernard?

• Principal Carol Newman : I owe you one.

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : It's a great party. Look. That guy moved.

• Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : Hey party animal, you wanna play?

  Principal Carol Newman : [wondering how toys like Toss Across have magically appeared]  I just can't figure it out.

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : It's tic-tac-toe with beanbags.

  Principal Carol Newman : No, I mean the Secret Santa thing. Someone tracked down and bought all those wonderful antique toys.

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : Probably someone that knows his way around eBay.

• Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : Hey Cupid, why don't you shoot me with one of your darts and then I'll fall in love?

  Cupid : First of all, they're not darts, they're arrows. Second of all, no can do.

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : Why not?

  Cupid : Because they have no effect on us. Believe me, if they did, I would've shot myself in the butt, met a nice girl, left the business years ago.

• Toy Santa : The town will break our fall.

• Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : [Comet passes gas]  Whoa! Eat some roughage, will you?

• Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : [indicating a faulty toy kangaroo]  Alexander, let's think. Take the hat off.

  [Alexander removes hat, kangaroo hops easily] 

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : Too much counterweight.

  Elf with Kangaroo : Thanks, Santa - you're the man.

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : That's why they gave me the big belly, so I don't fall over.

  [laughs] 

• Toy Santa : Isn't it time to check the Naughty list?

  Bernard : The Naughty list has already been checked.

  Toy Santa : I check it twice! Ho-ho-ho!

• Toy Santa : [while reading the contents of handbook of rules]  Wait a minute. I need the naughty and nice list.

  Bernard : Nope.

  Toy Santa : Oh yes, yes, it says I'm supposed to check it twice.

  Bernard : Santa already checked it!

  Toy Santa : No, I didn't.

  Bernard : The real Santa.

  Toy Santa : I am the REAL Santa!

  Bernard : Sorry?

  Toy Santa : I'm in charge here!

  Bernard : WHAT?

  Toy Santa : I check the list twice. That's the rule. I like the rules. I think you're aware of how I feel about that.

  Bernard : I think you're misunderstanding something.

  Toy Santa : No, no, I'm a rule maker. I like the rules. Santa likes the rules.

• Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : [after he flies Scott and Curtis back to the North Pole]  You should be proud of your wings.

  Tooth Fairy : They're not too girly?

  Scott Calvin/Santa Claus : Not on you.