Chicago (2002)

Renée Zellweger: Roxie Hart

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Roxie : Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

  Matron Mama Morton : You're talking to the wrong people.

• Roxie : It'll never work.

  Velma Kelly : Why not?

  Roxie : Because I hate you.

  Velma Kelly : There's only one business where that's no problem at all.

• Roxie : You're, THE Velma Kelly. I was there the night you got arrested.

  Velma Kelly : Yeah? You and half of Chicago.

• Roxie : And then I started foolin' around... and then I started screwin' around, which is foolin' around without dinner.

• Roxie : Mr. Flynn!

  [pretends to faint] 

  Billy Flynn : Someone open this door immediately!

  Ms. Sunshine : Oh, my God! Roxie! What is it, dear?

  Roxie : Oh! Oh! Oh, no no no. Don't, don't worry about me. Oh, I only hope the fall didn't hurt the baby.

  Matron Mama Morton : Baby?

  Velma Kelly : Shit!

• Velma Kelly : You wanted my advice, right? Well here it is. Don't forget Billy Flynn's number one client is... Billy Flynn.

  Roxie : What's that supposed to mean?

  Velma Kelly : It means, don't let him hog the spot-light when you're the one they paid to see.

• Roxie : You want some advice, well here's a piece of advice from me to you, lay off the caramels.

  [She winks] 

• Velma Kelly : You know you're really pretty good.

  Roxie : Yeah, that and a dime. What are you doing here?

  Velma Kelly : I heard you been, uh, making the rounds.

  Roxie : Yeah, well, if it was up to you I'd be swinging by now.

  Velma Kelly : Come on, I always knew Billy'd get you off. You should learn how to put things behind you.

  Roxie : Oh, thank you. I'll put that at the top of my list. Right after finding a job and an apartment with a john.

• Ms. Sunshine : [singing]  Are you sorry?

  Roxie : Are you kidding?

• Roxie : He was trying to burgle me.

  Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison : From what I hear, he's been burgling you three times a week for the past month.

• Roxie Hart : [singing]  Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both, oh yes we both, oh yes we both reached for the gun, the gun, the gun, the gun. Oh, yes, we both reached for the gun, for the gun.

• Roxie : I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard.

  Billy Flynn : [grinning]  Shut up, dummy.

• Roxie : They LOVE me.

  Billy Flynn : They'd love you a lot more if you were hanged. You know why? Because it would sell more papers!

• Bailiff : Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

  Velma Kelly : And then some.

  Bailiff : Take a seat.

  Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison : Would you state your name for the record, please?

  Velma Kelly : Velma Kelly.

  Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison : Ms. Kelly, would you please tell the court if the object that I am holding is the one you happened to come across in the defendant's jail cell?

  Velma Kelly : Yes, it is.

  Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison : I submit this as Exhibit X - Roxie Hart's diary!

  Billy Flynn : I object! My client has never held a diary! And even if she did, this would be... invasion of privacy, and violation of the fourth amendment, and... and illegal search without a warrant!

  Roxie Hart : Yeah, AND she broke the lock!

• Roxie : In the Bed Department, Amos was... zero. I mean, he made love to me like he was fixing a carburetor or something.

• Roxie : I'm gonna be a celebrity, that means somebody everyone knows. They're gonna recognize my eyes, my hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose.

• Roxie : You can like the life you're living, you can live the life you like. You can even marry Harry, but mess around with Ike.

• Roxie : [singing]  If they string me up, well, I'll know who brought the twine. That scummy, crummy, dummy hubby of mine.

• Roxie : Oooh,I'm a star, and the audience loves me... and I love them. And they love me for loving them and I love them for loving me. And we love each other. And that's because none of us got enough love in our childhood. And that's showbiz... kid.

• [at the entrance to the jail cells] 

  Matron Mama Morton : Hey, you must be that Hart girl.

  Roxie : Yes, m'am

  Matron Mama Morton : Aren't you the pretty one.

  Roxie : Thank you m'am

  Matron Mama Morton : Call me mama. Now don't worry 'cause we're gonna take care of you. You'll be staying on E-block. "Murderess Row" we like to call it.

  Roxie : Oh... Is that nicer?

• Roxie : Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong but he doesn't care. He'll string along. He loves me so, that Funny Honey of mine. / Sometimes I'm down, sometimes I'm up. But he follows round like some droopy eyed pup. He loves me so, that Funny Honey of mine.

• Roxie : But look at that soul. I tell ya that hole is a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts. And if you knew him like me. I know you'd agree.

• Roxie : What if the world slandered my name, well he'd be right there taking the blame. He loves me so. And it all suits me fine. That funny, sunny, honey hubby of mine.

• Roxie : You see, ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be on the stage.

  Velma Kelly : Oh yeah? What's your talent; washing and drying?

• [last lines] 

  Velma Kelly : Me and Roxie would just like to say, thank you.

  Roxie : Thank you! Believe us, we could never have done it without you.

  Velma Kelly , Roxie : [sung]  And all... that... jazz! That jazz!

• Roxie : God that's beautiful.

  Billy Flynn : Cut out God. Stay where you're better acquainted.

• Roxie : You were mentioned in the paper today, in the back with the obituaries. 'Velma Kelly's trial has been post-poned indefinitely.' Seven words.

• Roxie : And who incase she doesn't hang, can say she started with a bang... Roxie Hart

• Roxie : Say it again, Fred!

  Fred Casely : You're a star, kid! My little shooting star!

• Roxie : Oh, Miss Kelly, got your personals. freshly pressed by yours truly.

  [Velma pulls some cash out of her shirt] 

  Roxie : No, no, it's my pleasure.

  Velma Kelly : [Begins to walk away] 

  Roxie : Hey, can i ask you something?

  [Velma turns around] 

  Roxie : You know that Harrison guy? Well he said what I done is a hangin' case and that he's prepared to ask for the maximum penalty.

  Velma Kelly : Yea? So?

  Roxie : So, I'm scared, I would really appreciate some advice, especially from someone I admire as much as you.You see, since I can remember, I have wanted to be on the stage.

  [Smiles] 

  Velma Kelly : Oh really? What's your talent? Washin' and dryin'?

  Roxie : [Smile fades]  No, no, I danced in the chorus.

  Velma Kelly : Oh.

  Roxie : Well, that was before I met my husband, Amos...

  Velma Kelly : Look, honey, you want some advice? Well, here it is, direct from me to you. Keep your paws off my underwear, 'kay?

  Roxie : Yeah, okay. Thanks.

  Roxie : [Once Velma is out of earshot]  For nothin'

• Roxie : Don't you wanna take my picture?

• Roxie : [singing]  With just one more brain what a half-wit he'd be...

• Roxie : [singing]  He ain't no sheik, that's no great physique, and lord knows he ain't got the smarts.

• Roxie : [singing]  I can't stand that sap.

  Amos : What a sap I was.

• Roxie : ...And Sophie Tucker will shit I know, to see her name get billed below... Roxie Hart.

• Roxie : [to Amos]  you are a disloyal husband

• Roxie : This dress makes me look like a Woolworths lamp shade. I'm not wearing this dress.

  Billy Flynn : You're wearing cause I tell you too.

  Roxie : I'm not wearing it.

• [after Roxie finds out about Fred Casley] 

  Roxie : Yeah, I killed him and I would kill him again! I would kill him again!

  Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison : Once was enough, dearie. Take her downtown. Come on!

• Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison : This is hanging case, and we're ready to go to in front of the jury tomorrow.

  Roxie : Wha-Wha-What do you mean hanging?

  Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison : You're not so tough now, are you?

  Roxie : What do ya mean hanging?

• [practicing for her interview] 

  Roxie : [Southern accent]  I was born on a beautiful southern convent.

  Matron Mama Morton : What?

  Roxie : [Normal voice]  Oh, holy shit! Oh, I'm never gonna get this straight.

• Roxie : Who says that murder's not an art?

• Roxie : I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard...

• Fred Casely : Let's go, babe!

  Roxie : But I didn't even meet your friend. The one I was suppose to meet.

  Fred Casely : It's ok, Roxie. It's all ready taken care of.

  Roxie : You told him about me?

• Roxie : Thank you, ma'am.

  Matron Mama Morton : No, call me Mama. We're going to take care of you.

• Roxie : [singing]  And then he shot off his trap... man I can't stand that sap. Look at him go. Rattin on me.

• Roxie : Fresh towels, for the can.

  Officer : Make it quick.