National Lampoon's Van Wilder (2002)

Tara Reid: Gwen Pearson

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Van Wilder : Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you... even if you know its someplace you know you're not suppossed to be.

  Gwen : And how many times has your heart led you into the women's locker room?

  Van Wilder : This would be a first.

  Gwen : Why do I find that hard to believe?

  Van Wilder : I'm not saying this is the first time I've been in here, just usually it is another part of my anatomy that does the leading.

• Van Wilder : It's a date.

  Gwen : It's an interview, not a date.

  Van Wilder : Gwen, first dates are interviews.

• Van Wilder : [speaking about Gwen's boyfriend Richard]  I'll bet he's a tighty whitey guy.

  Gwen : Excuse me?

  Van Wilder : White, elastic band, constricting. You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of drawers they wear. Like you - granny panties I bet.

  Gwen : Does that allude to me being the plain, boring type?

  Van Wilder : Mmmm, no.

  Van Wilder : [sighs] 

  Van Wilder : I just wanted the visual.

• Gwen : [Mouths]  What are you doing here?

  Van Wilder : [Mouths]  I don't know!

• Gwen : I'm doing a human interest piece... on you.

  Van Wilder : I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me.

  [looks up at the ceiling and sighs] 

  Van Wilder : ... But sadly I don't do interviews, never have, never will. Do lunch though.

• Gwen : Well I think it takes a lot more then the kind of underwear one wears to define them as a person.

  [Van looks shocked] 

  Van Wilder : Like what?

• Van Wilder : Well just take a look at this... ya... doodles... I attended class today just about stayed the whole time too!

  Gwen : I'm glad you went to all your classes today.

  Van Wilder : And a few that weren't mine, I stepped in the wrong room, liked what I heard... stayed.

  Gwen : That's great!

• Gwen : Is it true this is your seventh year at Coolidge?

  Van Wilder : Carry the two, yes that's correct.

• Gwen : Is Van here?

  Hutch : He don't want to see you.

  Gwen : Excuse me?

  Hutch : Look. Why don't you just leave him alone?

  Sick Boy : Home-wrecker.

• Richard : Oh, Gwen! Your labia feels so good around my swollen phallus! Oh! Oh! Oh, I'm fairly confident I'm going to ejaculate. I'm releasing some of my seminal fluids inside of you now!

  [grunts and giggles] 

  Gwen : Are you okay?

  Richard : Yeah. Why? Well, didn't you?

  Gwen : Well, it's kind of hard in 15 seconds.

  Richard : Damn it, Gwen! You know the kind of pressure I'm under with my exams.

  Gwen : I'm sorry.

  Richard : Look, I'm sorry. This semester's marks could determine in the next 10 years of our lives together. Do you realize that?

  Gwen : You know... you shouldn't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.

  Richard : [laughs]  What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm late for my study group.

• Van Wilder : Blue - it brings out your eyes. The kid has killer eyes, not unlike yourself - anyone ever tell you that?

  Gwen : Yes, my boyfriend.

  Van Wilder : Your boyfriend? What's his name?

  Gwen : I don't think that's any of your business.

  Van Wilder : [Puts on sunglasses and turns away]  You're right

• Sally : [straddling Van and kissing him, turns around and sees Gwen walk into Van's room]  You must be Gwen, the truck driver

  Van Wilder : Gwen?

  [chases her outside] 

  Gwen : What were you doing up there?

  Van Wilder : As smashed as I am, I'm pretty sure that was my room...

  Van Wilder : [looking back] 

  Van Wilder : Wasn't it?

  Gwen : What was that girl, a freshman?

  Van Wilder : She reads at a sophomore level.

• Van Wilder : Take your clothes off.

  Gwen : I'm not taking off my clothes.

  Van Wilder : Well it is the naked mile run, everybody else is in their birthday suit.

  [a hairy naked guy runs by] 

  Van Wilder : Except that guy.

• Gwen : Relax, guys. They're just Doritos.

• Gwen : [quietly to new pledges]  Relax, guys, they're just Doritos.

• Gwen Pearson : [reading the title of a newspaper article]  Light Beer Vs. Dark Beer- The Showdown by Darius Greyson. Is that the same...

  Elliot Grebb : Nobel Prize winner Darius Greyson. He's an alumni of our journalism staff. He wrote his best stuff during Detox and still does. I have got a very challenging assignment for you, a story that no one has been able to get.

  Gwen Pearson : About what?

  Elliot Grebb : No, no. It's about whom.

• Elliot Grebb : Brilliant Pearson! I have been excited about how many people enjoy reading about this guy. They want more, and so do I. I want you to do a follow up.

  Gwen Pearson : I did your story, Elliot, and I'm not doing another one.

  Elliot Grebb : Even if I tell you it's going to be on the front page of the Graduation Issue in two months?

• Richard : North Western, I am the shit.

  Gwen : [under her breath]  You certainly will be.