Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

Ossie Davis: Jack

Photos 

Quotes 

• Elvis : No offense, Jack, but President Kennedy was a white man.

  JFK : They dyed me this color! That's how clever they are!

• JFK : He had me on the floor and had his mouth over my asshole!

  Elvis : A shit eater?

  JFK : I don't think so. He was after my soul. Now you can get that out of any major orifice of a person's body. I read about it.

  Elvis : Oh, yeah? Where, man? Hustler?

• JFK : [picks up red telephone]  Hello?

  Elvis : Mr. Kennedy? Ask not what your rest home can do for you. Ask what you can do for your rest home.

  JFK : Hey, you're copying my best lines!

  Elvis : Then let me paraphrase one of my own. Let's take care of business.

  JFK : Just what are you getting at, Elvis?

  Elvis : I think you know what I'm gettin' at, Mr. President. We're gonna kill us a mummy.

• Elvis : Look, man, President Johnson's dead.

  JFK : Shit. That ain't gonna stop him.

• [in the washroom stall, looking at hieroglyphics on the wall] 

  JFK : Now this top line translates into, "Pharoah gobbles donkey goobers," and the bottom line, "Cleopatra does the nasty."

  Elvis : Say what?

  JFK : Well pretty much, that's the best I can translate it.

• Elvis : Jack wait. Marilyn.

  [JFK looks at him funny] 

  Elvis : Come on, Marilyn Monroe? How was she in the sack?

  JFK : That is classified information! Top Secret! But between you and me... Wow!

• JFK : That's where they took a piece of my brain. They got it back in D.C. in that God damn jar.

  [pause] 

  JFK : I got a little bag of sand up there now.

  Elvis : But Jack uhh, no offense but

  [pause] 

  Elvis : President Kennedy was a white man.

  JFK : That's how clever they are. They dyed me this color, all over. can you think of a better way to hide the truth than that?

• JFK : Would you like a Ding-Dong?

  [Elvis looks towards JFK's crotch] 

  JFK : Oh, I don't mean mine! I mean a chocolate ding-dong.

  [thoughtful] 

  JFK : Of course mine would be chocolate now that I've been dyed.

• Elvis : Uh, Mr. President... You're on the floor.

  JFK : No shit?

• JFK : I'm thinking with sand here!

• Elvis : Now the two key words for tonight - "caution" and "flammable".

  JFK : Also "watch your ass".

• JFK : I picked some words of power from my book of magic. I don't know if they'll stop a mummy, but they're supposed to ward off evil.

• Elvis : That's my daughter.

  JFK : I know. We weren't there for our kids when they needed us, were we?

  Elvis : Man, if I could just talk to her again... tell her I love her... try and make things right somehow.

  JFK : No time for regrets, Elvis. We were the best fathers we could be under the circumstances.

  Elvis : Yeah, I guess, no time for regrets. We got business to take care of.

• JFK : [He just got his soul sucked out by Bubba Ho-Tep]  The president is soon dead!

• Elvis : Oh yeah, that's something to worry about all right.

  JFK : Listen here. Listen. I know you're Elvis. There was a rumor, you know, that you hated me. But I thought about that. If you hated me, you could've finished me off the other night.

• Elvis : You got Ding Dongs, man?

  JFK : I've Ding Dongs, Paydays and a whole *box* of Baby Ruths.

  Elvis : Oh, mama.

  [JFK opens a dresser drawer filled with goodies] 

  JFK : So, what'll be? Let's get decadent.

  Elvis : [Smiling]  I'll have a Baby Ruth.

• JFK : [showing Elvis his hidden stash of candy bars]  Let's get decadent.