- [in a violent battle with a bus station coffee machine]
- The Tick: Armless bandit... Empty your bladder of that bitter black urine men call coffee! It has its price and its price has been paid! Java devil, you are now my bitch.
- The Tick: I am the wild blue yonder. The front line in a never-ending battle between good and not-so-good. Together with my stalwart sidekick, Arthur, and the magnanimous help of some other folks I know, we form the yin to villany's malevolent yang. Destiny has chosen us. Wicked men, you face The Tick.
- The Tick: [giving a eulogy] Death. The eternal blink. The capricious dance of Now Ya Stop Movin' Forever. Well contrary to popular belief, death isn't just for dead people. It can happen to anyone. I know, it's news to me too. And it's not just people either, it's all kinds of stuff. Horses, fiddler crabs. Did you know that even a potato... can die?
- Arthur: Oh, would you look at this. How many times have I told you about the toothpaste?
- The Tick: I know what toothpaste is.
- Arthur: When you leave the cap off the toothpaste the toothpaste gets hard and you can't get it out.
- The Tick: Doesn't do that for me.
- Arthur: That's because by the time you get the toothpaste, I've already cleaned it and put the cap back on!
- The Tick: Well, good gravy! We are a well-oiled machine!
- The Tick: [to Fiery Blaze and Friendly Fire] Lordy, gents! Your banter is immaculate and a pleasure to witness!
- Fiery Blaze: Like I always say, any enemy of evil is a friend of mine.
- The Tick: Mandingo, how I grock your mouth music.
- Batmanuel: [after watching a ninja assassin plummet out the window] Another urban legend dispelled. Ninjas don't bounce.
- Captain Liberty: Personality? He's a dog. He sits, he rolls over, he plays dead. How much?
- Randolph: Well, I don't think I'm going to be able to help you, ma'am. Why don't you go rent a video tape or something instead of ruining some poor puppy's life with your single-woman-hormone clock-is-ticking impulse-buying nonsense.
- Captain Liberty: Just sell me the damned dog!
- Randolph: She's not for sale! Not to you. What you need is a singles chat room, ma'am, not some living creature.
- [pauses]
- Randolph: Good day.
- Fiery Blaze: So, eh... What does Arthur do?
- The Tick: He flies, once in a while. Mostly he yells, like when I leave the cap off the toothpaste.
- Fiery Blaze: Wow, there... Hey, that's no good for you, man. You're the superhero! You gotta keep your head clear to wage war against the wicked. Sidekicks are supposed to put the cap back on the toothpaste.
- The Tick: I hear that!
- Fiery Blaze: Hey, you're the starplayer on this team. He's supposed to take care of the little stuff - bills, laundry, sending out Christmas cards.
- The Tick: Go tell it on the mountain!
- Fiery Blaze: Dude... I'm *on* the mountain!