Bandits (2001)

Bruce Willis: Joe Blake

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joe : What'd you bring her here for?

  Terry : One, I had no choice, two, I may have suffered a slight concussion and three, she is mentally imbalanced to a spectacular degree.

  Kate : I can hear you!

• Terry : You know the hardest thing about being smart?

  Joe : No.

  Terry : I always pretty much know what's gonna happen next. There's no suspense.

• Terry : Kate, you should choose. What's it gonna be? Mr. Action Figure Hero Guy? Or brains, and sensitivity, and a lot of other things I could name. So in other words: me or THAT guy?

  Joe : Yeah, good looking, or ITCHY.

• Joe : ...Of course, if you are expecting the unexpected... well, then it really isn't unexpected anymore... and that leaves you vulnerable to the truly unexpected... because you're not expecting it.

• Terry : I noticed you got a gold watch.

  Joe : It's an 18 karat gold watch.

  Terry : I don't give a shit how many karats it is.

  Joe : 36 grand. It's no big deal.

  Terry : Did you ever think about asking someone for the time? It's a lot cheaper.

• [Kate starts reciting the lines to "Total Eclipse of the Heart". Joe joins in] 

  Kate : Oh my god! I can't believe you KNOW that song!

  Joe : Yeah. Bonnie Tyler. "Total Eclipse of the Heart". It's the ultimate sappy chick song.

• Joe : Put that gun down.

  Terry : Make me!

  Joe : Make me?

  Terry : Yes, MAKE ME!

  Joe : What the hell is this, the third grade?

  Terry : Well, I'm out of well-turned phrases at this point, Joe!

• Charles Wheeler : Please, wherever you are, return my wife to me. Kate, if you're listening, I want you to know that I'm okay. I hope you're holding up well, I hope that these gentlemen are treating you correctly, the way you should be treated, and speaking of which, I'm going to Spain next week, so if your kidnappers would like to contact me, they can get in touch with my people, and you know who they are, and the house is waiting for you, right here, where you belong. And the house misses you, I miss you...

  [Kate turns off the television] 

  Kate : Hmph! He has no IDEA where I belong!

  Joe : You belong here.

  Terry : Yeah. With us.

• Bank teller : Is this a joke?

  Joe : No ma'am, this is a bank robbery.

• Joe : Paradise. Tuxedos and Margaritas.

• Joe : Got the gun?

  [the back window of the car they are driving gets shot out] 

  Terry : No.

• Joe : Terry! That's Kate, right there, take her!

• Joe : One of the things we liked to remind ourselves before we went into any job is 'expect the unexpected'. Alright? Alright? Always sounds like good advice. Except, of course, if you are expecting the unexpected, then... well then it really isn't unexpected anymore, is it? And that leaves you vulnerable to the truly unexpected -- because you're not expecting it.