Blackadder Back & Forth (1999)
Stephen Fry: All Melchetts, Wellington
Photos
Quotes
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George : Well you certainly won the bet, Blackadder. Here's your 10,000 francs...
Blackadder : What do you mean, "francs?"
George : What do you mean "What do I mean, 'francs'?"
Darling : We've been using francs for over 200 years.
Melchett : Yes, ever since Wellington lost the battle of Waterloo.
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[seeing the time machine for the first time]
Melchett : Well, glaze my nipples and call me Rita!
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Blackadder : And here is a front page of Macbeth, signed by William Shakespeare himself.
Lady Elizabeth , George , Darling : Who?
Melchett : Oh, come on, you know this... he's the fellow who invented the ball-point pen.
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[Blackadder, on pain of death, must produce a present for Elizabeth I. He opens his wallet and shows the queen some plastic cards]
Blackadder : Now these may not look much.
Queen Elizabeth : They don't.
Blackadder : [nervously] No, but... umm... umm... well, well let's say... let's say... let's say that there was a place where you could buy absolutely everything.
Melchett : [laughing] We already have those Blackadder and they're called markets.
Blackadder : Right, right. Well, imagine that but times ten. As it were a "super" market.
Blackadder : [holds up a blue Tesco Clubcard] Now if you gave someone at one of these "super" markets this... he would give you some "bonus points". Which would mean that once a month you could buy a tin of baked beans at half the normal price.
Queen Elizabeth : Kill him.
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[first lines]
George : Well isn't this splendid and absolutely tufty? New years eve 1999. A new century and a new millennium. Let's drink a great big slurpy toast to peace and understanding around the globe.
Melchett : Bravo! After all, if history teaches us anything, its that in in the words of St. Burt, what the world needs now is love, sweet love.
Blackadder : Total codswallop. If history teaches us anything, it's that the story of man is one long round of death and torture. And burning people as witches just because they've got a wart.
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Queen Elizabeth : Ah, Lord Blackadder.
Blackadder : [stunned] Elizabeth... the first?
Queen Elizabeth : You're wearing very weird clothes. And you're looking rather old and ugly, actually.
Blackadder : Is that right?
Queen Elizabeth : Of course I'm right, I'm always right!
Nursie : Of course it's right!
Queen Elizabeth : Melchie?
Melchie : M'am.
Queen Elizabeth : Edmund is being very cheeky. Shall I laugh at him or chop his ugly head off?
Melchie : Well one hates to be harsh, m'am, but I do think a bit of choppy choppy is the only apt reaction.
Queen Elizabeth : Very well then. Kill him!
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Blackadder : [Blackadder, on pain of death, must produce a present for Elizabeth I. He opens his wallet and shows the queen some plastic cards] Now these may not look much.
Queen Elizabeth : They don't.
Blackadder : [Nervously] No, but... umm... umm... well, well let's say... let's say... let's say that there was a place where you could buy absolutely everything.
Melchett : [laughing] We already have those Blackadder and they're called markets.
Blackadder : Right, right! Well, imagine that but times ten! As it were a "super" market.
Blackadder : [Holds up a blue Tesco Clubcard] Now if you gave someone at one of these "super" markets this... he would give you some "bonus points". Which would mean that once a month you could buy a tin of baked beans at half the normal price.
Queen Elizabeth : Kill him!