Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000 Video)

Harley Cross: Dawson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Martina : All right, listen. There are certain rules that you have to follow in a parody situation if you want to survive. Rule number one: exaggerate everything. Number 88: accept the ridiculous as logical.

  [flash to Boner getting down with a girl] 

  Martina : Sexual sight gags, always funny.

  [Boner making sex noises while pulling out a splinter] 

  Martina : And along with wacky sound effects...

  [Boner unzipping his pants with a "boing!" sound] 

  Martina : And unlimited absurdity.

  [Killer frightens Boner into a heart attack with a chainsaw] 

  Martina : Remember: nothing is sacred.

  [cross falls onto bed] 

  Dawson : You're forgetting, point out the obvious.

  [holds up a "dead man" sign pointing to Slab] 

  Martina : And finally, perpetually painful stereotypes.

  Pimp : Dat's ridikkulous!

• Martina : Didn't your whole family get chopped up and fed to a fish farm?

  Dawson : Allegedly.

• Boner : Hey guys, I have an idea! Let's all make a pact to lose our virginity before graduation!

  Doughy : I'm in!

  Barbara , Slab , Dawson , Martina : WE'RE NOT!

• Maitre'D : Do you have a reservation sir?

  Dawson : Dawson.

  Maitre'D : Party of five?

  Dawson : Wrong network!

• Doughy : Whereas Hardy enjoys a minuet, ballet ruse and crepes suzette.

  Hardy : Doughy likes to rock n roll, a hot dog makes him lose control.

  Hagitha : What a wild duet.

  Martina : Still they're cousins.

  Dawson : Identical cousins.

  Martina : They laugh alike.

  Dawson : They walk alike.

  Martina : At times they even talk alike.

  Hagitha : And you can lose your mind.

• Martina : I've got a weird feeling Dawson.

  Dawson : Wait until you eat the tuna tacos.

• Dawson : What's the big deal? Kids get killed every day. This is high school.

  Slab : No, Dawson. This kid was white!

• Dawson : I thought you were a lesbian.

  Martina : A lesbian? Why?

  Dawson : Hello! You play softball, you watch Ally McBeal... the WNBA!

  Martina : No, Dawson, I'm not gay. Barbara's gay.

  Dawson : Barbara?

  Martina : Big Rosie fan.

  Dawson : But you are a witch?

  Martina : Oh yeah.

• Dawson : Just because he can't read doesn't mean he's not the killer.

  Slab : Yeah? Look at the Clintons.

• Dawson : After all, it is Halloween.

  Slab : And Friday the 13th!

  Dawson : On the same day? Impossible.

  Boner : Slab's dyslexic.

• Dawson : You know what we've gotta do? We've gotta get out of here!

  Boner : To someplace safe.

  Martina : Yeah, in the middle of nowhere.

  Slab : In the dark woods and pouring rain.

  Dawson : Without any adult supervision or police protection anywhere in the vicinity.

  Barbara : I know just the place! It's been totally deserted ever since those dorky kids were dismembered.

  Boner : Are you talking about band camp?

• Martina : [Dawson and Martina hear a crash in the kitchen and rush in to find the cat next to a pile of overturned dishes]  Lamegag, you scared the crap out of us.

  Dawson : [Lamegag meows]  What is it, boy?

  Dawson : [Lamegag growls]  I'm sorry. What is it, girl?

  Dawson : [meow]  Slab's in trouble?

  Dawson : [meow]  Steroids? In the bathroom?

  Dawson : [meow]  Burt Reynolds wears a rug? O.J. was framed?

  Dawson : [meow meow]  Khakis aren't cool anymore? Well, I have to disagree with you there.

  [meow] 

• Dawson : This is the kinda thing you read about

  Slab : Books are pretty

  Barbara : O My God. He is right.