Snatch (2000)

Stephen Graham: Tommy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Turkish : Well the rabbit gets fucked.

  Tommy : [pauses]  Proper fucked?

  Turkish : Yes, before "Zee Germans" get there.

• Mickey : Good dags. D'ya like dags?

  Tommy : Dags?

  Mickey : What?

  Mrs. O'Neil : Yeah, dags.

  Tommy : Oh, dogs. Sure, I like dags. I like caravans more.

• Turkish : [looks at the caravan]  Look at it. How am I suppose to run this thing from that? We'll need a proper office. I want a new one, Tommy. You're going to buy it for me.

  Tommy : Why me?

  Turkish : Well, you know about caravans.

  Tommy : How's that?

  Turkish : You spent a summer in one, which means you know more than me. And I don't want to have my pants pulled down over the price.

  Tommy : What's wrong with this one?

  Turkish : [Pulls the caravan's door from its hinges]  Oh, nothing, Tommy. It's tiptop. It's just I'm not sure about the colour.

• Turkish : Fuck me, hold tight. What's that?

  Tommy : It's me belt, Turkish.

  Turkish : No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in your trousers?

  Tommy : It's for protection.

  Turkish : Protection from what? "Zee Germans"?

• Tommy : Who took the jam outta your doughnut?

  Turkish : You took the fucking jam outta my doughnut, Tommy. You did.

• Mickey : I'll tell ya what. I'll do it for a caravan.

  Turkish : For what?

  Pikeys : For a caravan.

  Tommy : It was us who wanted a caravan.

  [looking around] 

  Tommy : Anyway, what's wrong with this one?

  Mickey : It's not for me. It's for me ma.

  Turkish : Your what?

  Pikeys : His ma.

• Mickey : The deal was you bought it like you saw it. Hey, look, I've helped you as much as I'm going to help you. See that car? Just use it for you're not welcome anymore. You should fuck off now while you still got the legs to carry you.

  Gorgeous George : Nobody...

  Mickey : Nobody brings a fella the size of you unless they're trying to say something without talking, right boy?

  Tommy : Sorry, Mickey. Just give our money back and you can keep the caravan.

  Mickey : Why the fuck do I want a caravan that's got no fucking wheels?

  [Gorgeous rushes Mickey] 

  Mickey : You want to settle this with a fight?

  Mrs. O'Neil : Over my dead body! Now, go on! Go on! I'll not have you fighting! You know what happens when you fight.

  Mickey : Get her to sit down. For fuck's sake! Want the money? I ain't fucked you. I'll fight you for it. You and me.

• Tommy : The human body hasn't got used to dairy products yet.

  Turkish : Well fuck me Tommy. What have you been reading?

• Turkish : Tommy, why is your skin leaking?

  Tommy : I'm a little worried actually, Turkish.

  Turkish : Worried about what?

  Tommy : What happens if the gypsy knocks the other man out? I mean, he's done it before ain't he?

  Turkish : We get murdered before we leave the building, and I imagine we get fed to the pigs.

  Tommy : Well I'm glad to see you're climbing the walls in fucking anxiety. Pardon my cynicism, but I don't exactly trust the pikey.

  Turkish : Don't think I haven't thunk about that one, Tommy. It's his mum's funeral tonight. God bless her. You know those gypsies like a drink at a wake. I'm not worried about whether Mickey knocks the other man out. I'm worried about whether Mickey makes it to the fourth fucking round.

  Tommy : What if he doesn't make it to the fourth round?

  Turkish : We get murdered before we leave the building, and I imagine we get fed to the pigs.

• [Brick-Top's men have Turkish pinned on the floor. Errol raises a sword to strike, then Tommy appears with his dud pistol] 

  Tommy : Turkish, get your arse up. You lot? Follow me, and I'll fucking shoot you.

  Errol : Calm down son, behave yourself.

  Tommy : I've got the gun, son. I think it's you who should behave.

  [Errol takes a step forward. Tommy cocks the gun and sticks it right in his face] 

  Tommy : What? You want to see if I've got the minerals?

  [Brick-Top's men don't move as Tommy backs out of the slot parlor, then runs after Turkish] 

• [repeated line] 

  Tommy , Gorgeous George , Bricktop's Henchman : I fuckin' hate Pikeys.

• Mickey : I'll bet you for it.

  Tommy : You'll what?

  Pikeys : HE'LL BET YOU FOR IT!

  Turkish : What, like Tommy did last time? Do me a favour?

  Mickey : I'll do you a favour. You have first bet. If I win, I get a caravan... and the boys get a pair of them shoes.

  [the Pikeys laugh at Turkish and Tommy, who are wearing plastic bags around their shoes] 

  Mickey : If I lose... Oh fuck it, I'll do the fight for free.

  Turkish : [narrating]  Now the last thing I really wanna do is bet a pikey.

• Gorgeous George : It's a camp site, a pikey campsite...

  Tommy : Ten points.

  Gorgeous George : What we doing here?

  Tommy : We're buying a caravan.

  Gorgeous George : Off a pack of fuckin' pikeys? What's wrong with you? This will get messy.

  Tommy : Well not if you're here.

  Gorgeous George : Oh, you bastard! I fuckin' hate pikeys!

• Turkish : I don't want to go in there. He's a dangerous bastard. Taken too many disco biscuits in the heat of Russian disputations. He's got as many of these nuts as he has those nuts.

  Tommy : I don't care if he's got fucking hazelnuts. I want a gun that works, and I'm gonna tell him.

  Turkish : My God, Tommy, you certainly got those minerals. Well, come on, then before "zee" Germans get here.

• Tommy : Are you sayin' I can't shoot?

  Turkish : No Tommy, I'm not saying you can't shoot. I know you can't shoot. I'm saying that six-pound piece of shit stuck in your trousers would do more damage if you fed it to him.