Bottom Live 3: Hooligan's Island (1997 Video)
Rik Mayall: Richard Richard
Quotes
-
Richie : I see your point.
Eddie : Why? Have my trousers fallen down? No, they're up! I can see they're up! Oh, I see your point!
Richie : Why? Have my trousers fallen down? No, they're up! I can see they're up! Oh, I see your point!
Eddie : Why? Have my trousers fallen down? No, they're up! I can see they're up! Oh, I see your point!
Richie : Why? Have my trousers fallen down?
Eddie : Help! Rich! We're stuck in a sort of nob gag Bermuda Triangle!
Richie : Quick! Change routine! Change routine!
-
Richie : Eddie, have you been stealing material again?
-
Richie : Marooned! Maroooned! Marooooooooned! Oh, God I wish I had a thesaurus.
-
Richie : What sort of bloke?
Eddie : Well, he was wearing a scuba-diving outfit, and had a pronounced French accent. I think he may have been a Frogman.
[Loud groan from the audience]
Richie : A what?
Eddie : I'm afraid you heard correctly the first time. A Frogman.
[to audience]
Eddie : Fuck off, you paid.
-
[At the start of act 2:]
Richie : God, I'm bored. Bored, bloody bored.
[There is a cry from the back of the audience: "Have a wank!"]
Eddie : We had a wank in the interval. That's what the interval is for. And I bet you had one too, didn't you? 'Cos you look like a wanker!
Richie : Eddie, will you stop talking to the fucking fish?
-
Richie : You stupid fucking ring-sausage!
-
Richie : I work my fingers to the bone trying to pep up your diet, and insert a little jazz into your food!
Eddie : I beg your pardon!
Richie : There you go again!
Eddie : No, I just didn't hear what you said.
Richie : Not true! Not true at all! You're accusing me of deliberately masturbating into your breakfast!
-
Richie : You thorough and total wank biscuit!
-
Eddie : How did you actually catch this fish?
Richie : I didn't actually catch it Eddie, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, I sort of found it. It was floating upside-down on the surface of the water.
Eddie : So it was dead already?
Richie : Well it was on its way out, yes. I mean, it was coughing violently, bringing up this extraordinary yellow bile. It had this wild panicked look in its eyes, and it was foaming at the gills.
Eddie : Was this in Bluffman's Cove?
Richie : Sort of, sort of. It was in the latrine. I think a seagull might have dropped it. Very tasty, though.
-
Richie : Hey Norman, last week my wife had both her hands severed in a serious industrial accident.
Eddie : Really, how does she feel?
Richie : She can't! She hasn't got any hands left!
[pause]
Richie : Yeah, I'd like to see one of today's young, modern comedians do that joke.
Eddie : Yeah, why's that?
Richie : 'Cos it's shit!
-
Richie : Fancy a cocktail before bed?
Eddie : Absolutely not.
Richie : Oh come along, ya big poof! I'll make you one of my specials, how about a Bloody Mavis?
Eddie : Now that's the one made from Gin, blood and porcupine shit isn't it? *Without* the gin!
Richie : Hey, very popular! How about a Coconut Surprise?
Eddie : Is that the one with napalm in it?
Richie : No! Well, only a bit. It's a bit of something from the tin I found. You know, the one with the skull and crossbones on it that dissolved the spoon and made me go blind for a fortnight. So, fancy one?
Eddie : I would rather watch an entire episode of Telly Addicts with sellotape over my mouth so that I had to swallow my own vomit. No correction, I would rather be sellotaped to Noel Edmonds himself! In the nude! Without ear plugs or a beard guard!
Richie : You really are a sad, used tampon aren't you?
Eddie : No, I'm just a little sunburnt.
Richie : Alright, I'll make you one of my sad, poofy, girly ones then. How about a nice Slow Comfortable Fist up the Arse?
Eddie : Why have all your cocktails got such frightening names?
Richie : Because they're all so fucking horrible, Eddie! Get a grip, I'm working with limited ingredients here. This one's made from tree bark, sea water and porcupine urine, it's absolutely foul!
-
Richie : Well, then, I think it's our duty Eddie, as citizens of the world, yes, but above all as Englishmen, with a song in our hearts and a twinkle in our eye and major league tackle in our M & S Y's, to defuse this bomb.
Eddie : Don't you mean it's our duty as lily-livered yellow-trousered shit-your-pants scared-o girlies, who've just discovered they're sharing a very tiny island with a 15-megaton nuclear device, to defuse this bomb?
-
Eddie : Well, you were the one who sawed the captain in half.
Richie : HE was a volunteer.
Eddie : No, no, HE was trying to stop the show.
Richie : Well anyway, the trick worked brilliantly! We sawed him in half!
Eddie : Yeah, I think the essence of the trick is in the joining back together.
Richie : Details, details. It's in the sawing where the real essence lies, and we accomplished that with panache.
Eddie : No we didn't, we were hacking away at him for hours!