Hercules (1998–1999)

James Woods: Hades

Quotes 

• Hades : Welcome to the Afterlife, the Unhappiest Place under Earth.

• Poseidon : Say, brother, did I ever tell you about when I invented the marine mammal?

  Hades : Uh, yeah, Poseidon, about a zillion times...

  Poseidon : 'Course, the first few drowned. You know, mammals. Then it hit me: blowhole.

• Zeus : Chill out, Hades.

  [Blows out Hades' hair] 

  Zeus : Look at that. I should make a wish.

  Hades: Lord of the Underworld : How about a death wish?

• Hades : My business is dead people. If I have no dead people, my business is dead, people.

• Zeus : Oh, Hades. I was just looking for the Little Gods' Room.

  Hades : Go in the pool.

  Zeus : Is that sanitary?

• Hades : Oh, look, a flower. Nature's little reminder... that I LOATHE spring.

• Hades: Lord of the Underworld : Everybody's happy. Well, I'm happy. Everyone else is wracked with pain. Nice.

• Hades : [taking Poseidon's trident from Hercules]  Who wants trident? I do, I do! Didn't you read the fine print on this? For ages immortal and up.

• [Atlantis is sinking; King Croesus has summoned Hades for help] 

  Hades : Look, Babe, your check bounced. Seems your bank went under.

  [shot of bank sinking in flood] 

  Hades : And from the looks of it, so will you in about ten minutes. Oh, that's right, you're not a good swimmer. Better make that five.

• [Upon finding out his Roman name] 

  Hades : They named me "Pluto"? What kind of a name is "Pluto"? I wouldn't call my dog "Pluto".

• Hades : Have your minions call my minions.

• Hades : I know you're out there, I can hear you rotting.

• Hades : Why. Do they do that? What is that, some kind of verbal diarrhea?

• Hades : Hi, kids! Name's Hades and I'm your new principal. I'll be instituting a new educational paradigm based on the three Rs: revenge, requital, and retribution. You'll love it. And get this. There is no homework.

  [Students cheer] 

  Hades : Because you don't get to go home.

• Hades : C'mon, I haven't got all day. What am I talking about? I have eternity; I just don't want to spend it with you two.