Edward Norton credited as playing...
Narrator
- Narrator: You're making a big mistake, fellas!
- Police Officer: You said you would say that.
- Narrator: I'm not Tyler Durden!
- Police Officer: You told us you'd say that, too.
- Narrator: All right then, I'm Tyler Durden. Listen to me, I'm giving you a direct order. We're aborting this mission right now.
- Police Officer: You said you would definitely say that.
- Narrator: [1:04:30] Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar. Lord knows what they charged. It was beautiful. We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.
- Narrator: [34:11] Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you?
- Tyler Durden: C'mon, do me this one favor.
- Narrator: Why?
- Tyler Durden: Why? I don't know why; I don't know. Never been in a fight. You?
- Narrator: No, but that's a good thing.
- Tyler Durden: No, it is not. How much can you know about yourself, you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on; hit me before I lose my nerve.
- Narrator: This is crazy.
- Tyler Durden: So go crazy. Let 'er rip.
- Narrator: I don't know about this.
- Tyler Durden: I don't either. Who gives a shit? No one's watching. What do you care?
- Narrator: Whoa, wait, this is crazy. You want me to hit you?
- Tyler Durden: That's right.
- Narrator: What, like in the face?
- Tyler Durden: [beat] Surprise me.
- Narrator: This is so fucking stupid...
- [Narrator swings, connects against Tyler's head]
- Tyler Durden: Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!
- Narrator: Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.
- Tyler Durden: Ow, Christ... why the ear, man?
- Narrator: Guess I fucked it up...
- Tyler Durden: No, that was perfect!
- Narrator: [12:56] When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.
- Tyler Durden: [22:28] You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?
- Narrator: So you can breathe.
- Tyler Durden: Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.
- Narrator: That's, um... That's an interesting theory.
- Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
- Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?
- [Poem on Narrator's computer]
- Narrator: [55:00] Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave.
- Narrator: [20:35] A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
- Woman on Plane: Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?
- Narrator: You wouldn't believe.
- Woman on Plane: Which car company do you work for?
- Narrator: A major one.
- Tyler Durden: [29:10] It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.
- Narrator: There's always that.
- Narrator: If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?
- Tyler Durden: [1:03:32] Fuck damnation, man! Fuck redemption! We are God's unwanted children? So be it!
- Narrator: OK. Give me some water!
- Tyler Durden: Listen, you can run water over your hand and make it worse or...
- [shouts]
- Tyler Durden: Look at me... or you can use vinegar and neutralize the burn.
- Narrator: Please let me have it... *Please*!
- Tyler Durden: First you have to give up, first you have to *know*... not fear... *know*... that someday you're gonna die.
- Narrator: Marla's philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't.