- Pepper Upper: Why would two men - who like each other - want to beat each other to a pulp?
- Alice Bridges: They can't have babies.
- Jarvis Moody: You always this pissed off at the world?
- Donald Bridges: I guess you could say I had a bad morning. Argument with the wife, no communication with the son, airplane crashing through the roof. You know, one of those days.
- Donald Bridges: Oh, great. Now that we've established that I don't see or hear my kid, maybe I can win the Helen Keller Father of the Year award.
- Donald Bridges: Alice, we have to talk.
- Alice Bridges: I told you I forgot how.
- Donald Bridges: Move your lips, something will come out.
- Alice Bridges: That's what I'm afraid of.
- [after experiencing some flight trouble]
- Jarvis Moody: Must've been some unexpected turbulence.
- Pepper Upper: Oh, okay. Well, could you just maybe let me know when to expect any more of that unexpected stuff?