The Royle Family (1998–2012)

Ralf Little: Antony Royle

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dave Best : 'Ey, I'm rough today, me, me guts are well off, I had a bad pint last night.

  Jim Royle : I bet you washed them down with a few more, though, didn't you?

  Antony Royle : How d'ya know if it's a bad pint?

  Dave Best : Cos you can shit through the eye of a needle.

  Jim Royle : Where did you go?

  Dave Best : Pear Tree.

  Jim Royle : Bloody hell, you don't wanna drink in there.

  Dave Best : Well, I know that now, don't I?

  Jim Royle : Bloody hell. He doesn't clean his pumps him.

  Antony Royle : No, actually the lager's all right.

  Jim Royle : How would you know, soft lad?

  Antony Royle : Dad, I'm 15.

  Jim Royle : 'Ey! Listen, if I ever catch you in The Feathers, I'll clip you round the bloody ear, you do not shit on your own doorstep!

  Dave Best : I nearly did last night, I couldn't get the key in quick enough.

• Barbara Royle : [talking about Cheryl]  Have you asked her to be bridesmaid?

  Denise Royle : Aw, yeah, aw, she was thrilled.

  Jim Royle : Bridesmaid, my arse, she'll look like a bloody Easter egg on legs.

  Antony Royle : Yeah, and the only reason you're having her as a bridesmaid is to make you look better.

  Denise Royle : Get lost, Antony!

  Barbara Royle : Is she really on a diet?

  Denise Royle : Yeah.

  Barbara Royle : D'ya think she'll ever get married?

  Antony Royle : Who'd have her?

  Jim Royle : Stevie Wonder.

  Antony Royle : [laughs]  Yeah.

• Barbara Royle : Antony, take that chicken out to the bins, will you, love? That chicken will start to stink if we leave it out.

  Antony Royle : Mam, I've just sat down,

  [points at Jim] 

  Antony Royle : what about lazy-arse here?

  Barbara Royle : 'Ey! There's to much swearing in this house.

  [turns to Jim] 

  Barbara Royle : That's you, that is, Jim, you've taught him that!

  Jim Royle : Taught him my arse!

• Antony Royle : Who's stunk that toilet out?

  Barbara Royle : Who d'ya think?

  Jim Royle : Well, that's what it's for isn't it? Where d'you expect me to shit? You'd soon have something to worry about if I crapped in the kitchen.

• Barbara Royle : Get the door, will ya, Antony?

  Antony Royle : I have to do everything around here!

  Jim Royle : It's probably Snow White looking for you, Grumpy!