A Night at the Roxbury (1998)

Doug Butabi : So anyways, I was standing there waiting to use the pay phone.

Steve Butabi : Yeah, he was, seriously.

Doug Butabi : And this guy who was on the phone, turns around and tips his hat like this.

Steve Butabi : And who do you think that guy was?

Doug Butabi : Emilio Estevez.

Steve Butabi : The Mighty Duck man, I swear to God, I was there.

Doug Butabi : Of course you were, you were the one who yelled the Breakfast Clubber's name.

Steve Butabi : I was like, "Emilio."

Doug Butabi : Idiot.

Craig : You know Doug, just because you and your brother are having problems, that's no reason to refer to my intellectual capacity in a diminutive manner.

Mr. Zadir : [Interrupts Doug explaining his concept for a night club] Wait a minute, did you just grab my ass?

Doug Butabi : No.

Mr. Zadir : Do you want to?

Doug Butabi : [Confused but wanting to impress Mr. Zadir] No... shh... shh... should I?

Mr. Zadir : [laughs] Okay, continue.

Doug Butabi : You can take away our phones and you can take away our keys, but you can NOT take away our dreams.

Steve Butabi : Yeah, because we're, like, sleeping when we have them.

Doug Butabi : [Yelling at his dad] Are you seeing planes? Is your name Tattoo? Because I swear to God, you're living on Fantasy Island.

Steve Butabi : [Interrupts] Man, that was a sweet show!

Doug Butabi : [to Steve in agreement] Yeah it was, wasn't it?

Kamehl Butabi : Yes, I have a fantasy. That I have two capable sons. Not one with his head up in the clouds and the other with his head up his ass!

Doug Butabi : I was wondering...

[Doug reaches behind Cambi's neck and grabs the tag on her dress while they're sitting on the bed]

Cambi : What are you doing?

Doug Butabi : Checking your label. Just as I thought: Made in Heaven.

Cambi : [Irritated] Doug, I think you're past the opening lines.

Doug Butabi : [Swallows nervously] Hey, hey, hey! Is that a mirror in your pocket?

Cambi : What?

Doug Butabi : 'Cause I can see myself in your pants!

Cambi : [Grabs Doug's collar and pulls him in close] Doug, if I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Doug Butabi : [laughs nervously and then stops, shocked] Umm... What?

Doug Butabi : Why go out for burgers when you got steak at home?

Steve Butabi : You're right. We should get lunch after this.

Doug Butabi : Broke the window again.

Steve Butabi : Good, how are you?

Doug Butabi : About 8 o'clock, 8:15. Yeah, all the time.

Steve Butabi : BMW.

Doug Butabi : Right at sunset.

Steve Butabi : Vanilla mostly.

Steve Butabi : What's up?

Hottie Cop : Did you know you were doing 50?

Doug Butabi : [whispers to Steve] Hottie cop likes you.

Steve Butabi : Does not.

Doug Butabi : Think she pulls over just anybody? Make a move.

Steve Butabi : What's up?

Hottie Cop : Just giving you an $80 ticket.

Doug Butabi : [whispers to Steve] She is *so* into you

Hottie Cop : I want you to do me a favor.

Steve Butabi : What ever you say, "T.J. Hooker".

Hottie Cop : [laughs] Please obey all posted speed limits. Have a good night

Steve Butabi : It's already been good, now that you have served and protected me.

[Hottie cop leaves]

Doug Butabi : Way to go my friend! Not only did you got her badge number, but you got a date to meet her at the Municipal State Court. Up top!

[High Five]

Doug Butabi : Very nice!

[High Five]

Doug Butabi : [Steve slaps Doug hard across the face] What was the point of that?

Steve Butabi : Sorry...

Kamehl Butabi : What are you doing? You come in to my store and cut up my plants and make toys of them!

Doug Butabi : It's *NOT* a toy! It's a club with a jungle theme!

Kamehl Butabi : You're a jungle theme!

Steve Butabi : What's up? Wanna dance?

Vivica : Yes.

Steve Butabi : Alright, take it easy.

Doug Butabi : Steve, she said yes!

Steve Butabi : ...what?

Doug Butabi : [a security guard is dragging Doug out of the building by his ankle] That doesn't feel good at all!

Doug Butabi : Dad would be really proud of us right now.

Kamehl Butabi : What are you idiots doing?

[lining up outside The Roxbury]

Doug Butabi : So... you want to dance?

Girl : We're not in the club yet.

Doug Butabi : Right.

Security Guard : Nobody gets in unless they talk to the list.

Doug Butabi : We're on the list.

Security Guard : Name?

Steve Butabi : Steve and Doug Butabi.

Security Guard : You're brothers?

Doug Butabi : No...

Doug Butabi , Steve Butabi : YES.

Doug Butabi : Man. Works every time.

Security Guard : That's very funny.

Steve Butabi : Yeah, Doug's hilarious.

[trying to pick up some women]

Doug Butabi : So... you guys wanna make out or what?

Kamehl Butabi : What I do understand is that you're going to a big new hot club tonight. Is that what it is?

Doug Butabi : That's right.

Steve Butabi : Exactly.

Kamehl Butabi : What I don't understand is how you're gonna get there.

[Kamehl takes their car keys]

Doug Butabi , Steve Butabi : [In perfect synchronization] What are you doing? Go- Tsh. C'mo- Man!

Cambi : There you are. We got scared.

Doug Butabi : Of who, we'll kick his ass.

Cambi : No, we got scared someone stole you away from us.

Doug Butabi : Oh...

[Gets it]

Doug Butabi : OH, like some other girls would steal us away.

Steve Butabi : Oh...

Steve Butabi : [getting it] OH!

Doug Butabi : [Speaking into the phone while Steve listens] Hi. You've reached Doug Butabi. I'm not here right now because I'm too busy outside living it up, unlike my pussy-whipped brother who's too busy throwing his life away for EMILY. Beep.

Steve Butabi : Hi! Doug! Sorry I missed you...

Doug Butabi : Como what?

Doug Butabi : All right. Let's talk to this little lady called Night.

Steve Butabi : I couldn't have said it any better.

Steve Butabi : Who? You want me?

Doug Butabi : Me?

Steve Butabi : Him? Me?

Doug Butabi : Him?

[pointing to Steve]

Steve Butabi : Him?

[pointing to Doug]

Doug Butabi : Him?

[pointing to Steve]

Steve Butabi : Me?

Doug Butabi : Me?

Emily Sanderson : Do you wanna go see a movie or something?

Steve Butabi : Sure.

Emily Sanderson : Or, if you don't wanna do that, we could just drive around and make out. I love making out. Its like one of my all time favorite things to do...

Steve Butabi : Yeah. Right.

Emily Sanderson : And I don't want to brag, but, I'm really, really, really, really good at it.

Steve Butabi : Right. Sounds good.

Doug Butabi : Back off, Chicklett.

Emily Sanderson : What's your problem, Doug?

Doug Butabi : Emily, I don't know if you know this, but, my brother and I, we live life in the fast lane. And that means no stop signs, no red lights, and there is no pulling over to take pictures. Now, you see this man over here?

Steve Butabi : Wot's up?

Doug Butabi : He's my co-pilot on this magic carpet ride. It's carry on only and you're just way too much luggage.

Kamehl Butabi : What is this garbage?

Doug Butabi : It's a health shake. It helps me balance my insulin and hormone levels; so, I can hit my physical peak.

Kamehl Butabi : Barbara, hurry. Get the video camera. He's gonna hit his peak.

Barbara Butabi : Honey, if you're going to hit your peak, do it in your room.

Doug Butabi : You know what was wrong with this place?

Steve Butabi : It's tough to say, considering we didn't get in.

Doug Butabi : Exactly. They don't know how to properly evaluate the incoming clientele.

Steve Butabi : I thought we just didn't look cool enough.

Doug Butabi : You know what we're gonna do when we get our club?

Steve Butabi : Get in.

Doug Butabi : Yeah, but, we're also gonna treat all the outside wannabes just as well as any legendary TV-star.

Steve Butabi : That's pretty Roosevelt of you.

Doug Butabi : It's just what I believe in.

Craig : I just don't want you guys to cheat yourselves. You know, I'm sorry to come down on you like this, but, in a weird way, its my job.

Steve Butabi : Hey, that's why we love you - and hate you.

Craig : Still friends?

Doug Butabi , Steve Butabi : You know it!

Doug Butabi : You're supposed to be thinkin' about our future!

Steve Butabi : Well, why are you Mount St. Helensing on me?

Doug Butabi : Well, why are you forgetting about our plans?

Steve Butabi : What plans?

Doug Butabi : The plan about you and I opening up only the coolest club in town a la the Roxbury.

Steve Butabi : Doug, how are gonna open up a club like that when we can't even get in?

Doug Butabi : That's because we're letting them not let us in.

Doug Butabi : Now repeat after me: We can get into the Roxbury.

Steve Butabi : We can get into the Roxbury.

Doug Butabi , Steve Butabi : Roxbury. Roxbury! Roxbury! Roxbury!

Doug Butabi : [on the beach, girl walks by in a leopard skin bikini, Doug and Steve in speedos] Hey, wot's up?

Steve Butabi : How you doin'?

Doug Butabi : Can we call you sometime, Pocahontas?

Steve Butabi : You got a number? You want some of this?

Doug Butabi : How about a little of that?

Steve Butabi : Alright!

Doug Butabi : Did Mom get lipstick on me?

Steve Butabi : Yeah, but, it looks like you were makin' out.

Doug Butabi : Sweet.

Steve Butabi : I'm so scared right now, I don't know what to do!

Doug Butabi : Okay, you're mad-cowing on me. All right. You have to relax.

Steve Butabi : I - I'm nervous. I mean, we put all this pressure on ourselves to to get in the Roxbury and I don't know if we can deliver!

Doug Butabi : You have to take control of yourself, okay?

Steve Butabi : No, you gotta take control! I'm barely hangin' on here!

Doug Butabi : Shh. Shh. Come on, relax. Relax. Shh. Think puppies and candy canes, all right? Okay?

Doug Butabi : [on the phone] Guess where we went tonight.

Credit Vixen : Well, let me see. The One-Stop Market on Ventura?

Doug Butabi : No, I mean before that, you sly, little credit vixen.

Credit Vixen : Well, I give up, you nasty, little card-swiper.

Doug Butabi : The Roxbury!

Steve Butabi : Yeah!

Steve Butabi , Doug Butabi : Score!

Doug Butabi : Very well!

Steve Butabi : Very well! Nice job!

Doug Butabi : We're gonna go wait in line.

Steve Butabi : Maybe we'll hang out later?

Security Guard : There's no chance in that happening.

Steve Butabi : Sounds good.

Doug Butabi : [to Mr. Zadir] You know how people, when they're waiting outside the club and they're bummed 'cos they're trying to get in.

Steve Butabi : This is great. This is great.

Doug Butabi : What if the outside of the club looked like the inside? You know, they got couches and music and all that stuff going on. But then, on the inside...

Steve Butabi : This is the best part.

Doug Butabi : It looks like the street. You know, cars and street signs. So, basically, the outside is the inside and the inside is the outside.

Steve Butabi : Doesn't that blow your mind?

Doug Butabi : She said yes.

Steve Butabi : What?

Doug Butabi : Hotties wanna shake it. Come on.

Mr. Zadir : Dooey, we have to stop and get some fluffy whip for the party.

Dooey : Yes, sir.

[closes the window between the passengers and driver in the limo]

Steve Butabi : But, it has to be fluffy whip in a can.

Mr. Zadir : He can't hear you.

Doug Butabi : Hey, Dooey, tell your mom I had a nice time last night.