Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

Jerry Nelson: Statler, Blind Pew, Mad Monty, Floyd Pepper, Lew Zealand, Tomato, Pirate, Skulls, Trelawney's Butler, Screaming Cat

Quotes 

• Zoot : Hey man, I can't figure out what side we're on. Are we with the pirates or the frog captain?

  Floyd : Oh, hey, man. Just play the gig. Never get involved in politics.

  Animal : Politics! Politics!

• Statler : Waldorf, you old fool! We're heroes! We saved the pig and the frog.

  Waldorf : Well, it was too late to save the movie.

• Statler : "Take a cruise," you said. "See the world," you said. Now here we are, stuck on the front of this stupid ship.

  Waldorf : Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience.

• Polly Lobster : Clueless!

  Clueless Morgan : Yeah yeah.

  Polly Lobster : Give it to him!

  Mad Monty : Yeah!

  Clueless Morgan : But it's not even his birthday.

  Polly Lobster : No no no no no the paper!

  [Polly Lobster punches Clueless Morgan] 

  Clueless Morgan : This is for you.

  [Clueless Morgan gives Long John Silver the paper with the black spot] 

  Long John Silver : The black spot?

  Mad Monty : Yeah!

  Long John Silver : You dare to give me the black spot?

  Clueless Morgan : He told me to.

  Polly Lobster : What? Shut up will you!

  Long John Silver : Drawn on a page torn from a page from the bible. You tore a page from the holy scriptures, to make a pirates death sentence?

  Clueless Morgan : Here.

  Long John Silver : Oh the red hot gates of hell are creeping open! Satan is heating his pokers for you for you, you blasphemes heathens! Fall down on your knees and beg for deliverance from damnation!

  [Pirates trembling] 

  Clueless Morgan : Please forgive us.

  [Pirates begging for forgiveness] 

  Long John Silver : Very good you're forgiven. Now untie me! And let's go find the treasure!

  [Pirates rejoicing] 

• Doorman : The squire's in Long Neddry for the grouse season. He will return on the feast of St. Lulu.

  [Jim, Rizzo and Gonzo, disappointed, start to leave] 

  Doorman : Of course, his rich, half-wit son Young Squire Trelawny's here.

  [laughs] 

• Blind Pew : I sink I smell somesing burning.

• Blind Pew : [stroking Jim's hair]  Oh a pretty little girl is it? Yes, take me to Billy Bones, ma pet!

  Jim Hawkins : You've got it all wrong, there's no Billy Bones here, and I'm not a girl!

  Blind Pew : I maybe visually challenged, but I can SEE, YOU'RE LYING.

• Jim Hawkins : Here you go, your bread and water for the day.

  Mad Monty : But I ordered shrimp scampi!

  Long John Silver : It's more than y'deserve y'villainous dolts!

• Jacques Roach : [singing as a square dance caller]  Grab your partner by the ears, latch him to the wheel, do si do step on his toes, listen to him squeal, allemande left allemande right, it's time to sail or sink, swing your partner over the side, drop him in the drink.

• Polly Lobster : [the pirates see the Hispaniola sailing to them, seemingly unmanned]  It's coming dead for us!

  Clueless Morgan : It-It's the ghost of Captain Flinty!

  Mad Monty : He's coming to kill us!

  [the pirates, except for Silver, scream and run away] 

  Long John Silver : Come back here you cowards!

  [Looks back at the ship with a glare] 

  Long John Silver : ... Hawkins!