Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

Dave Goelz: The Great Gonzo, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Waldorf, Mudwell the Mudbunny, Zoot

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Billy Bones has apparently died] 

  Rizzo : He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie!

  Billy Bones : [Billy Bones suddenly wakes up and, without opening his eyes, grabs Gonzo's nose to pull him closer]  Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim! You've always been a decent sort to old Billy Bones.

  Gonzo : I'm not Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.

  [Nods at Jim] 

  Gonzo : *He's* Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.

  Billy Bones : [Billy Bones grabs Jim's shirt and pulls him closer]  Jim?

  Jim Hawkins : Yes, Captain?

  Billy Bones : Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim!

  Jim Hawkins : Yes, Captain, what is it?

• Zoot : Hey man, I can't figure out what side we're on. Are we with the pirates or the frog captain?

  Floyd : Oh, hey, man. Just play the gig. Never get involved in politics.

  Animal : Politics! Politics!

• Gonzo : I thought pirates had talking parrots as pets.

  Long John Silver : Talking... parrots?

  Polly Lobster : What an imagination. First pirates, now talking parrots, what's next - a singing, dancing mouse with his own amusement park?

• Statler : Waldorf, you old fool! We're heroes! We saved the pig and the frog.

  Waldorf : Well, it was too late to save the movie.

• Statler : "Take a cruise," you said. "See the world," you said. Now here we are, stuck on the front of this stupid ship.

  Waldorf : Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience.

• Gonzo : Look at this! I'm taller. This is so cool; I may even have a future with the NBA!

  [laughs] 

• Jim Hawkins : Kill Captain Smollett, and you'll have to kill me.

  Gonzo : Kill Jim, and you'll have to kill me.

  Squire Trelawney : Kill Gonzo, and you'll have to kill me.

  Rizzo : Kill Squire Trelawney and Mr. Bimbo, and you'll have to... negotiate strenuously.

  [Silver turns to try to escape only to run into Benjamina and a gang of pigs] 

  Benjamina Gunn : Going somewhere, John-John?

  Long John Silver : Well, Master Hawkins, it seems your little family has come together against me.

• Gonzo : Off to Zanzibar, to meet the Zanzibarbarians!

• Rizzo : What's wrong?

  Gonzo : It just feels so weird.

  Rizzo : You mean that Mr. Arrow's dead?

  Gonzo : Yeah, that... and my pants are filled with starfish.

  Rizzo : You and your hobbies.

• Gonzo : To the southeast, multi-armed Zanzibanian short women and their exploding wigs of death!

• Gonzo : One leg, Jim, count'em, one.

• Jim Hawkins : I hate my life.

  Gonzo : I hate your life, too.

  Rizzo : If I had a life, I'd hate it.

• Gonzo : [singing]  Every storm we ride is its own reward.

  Rizzo : [singing]  And people die by falling overboard.

• Rizzo : Terrific. Captured by crazed wild pigs and sacrificed hideously before a pagan altar.

  Gonzo : Are we lucky or what?

• Rizzo : He's some kind of a blind fiend.

  Gonzo : I believe they prefer visually challenged fiend.

• Captain Abraham Smollett : Where to, Captain Hawkins?

  Jim Hawkins : To wherever the wind may take us!

  Gonzo : Off to Zanzibar to meet the Zanzibarbarians!

  Rizzo : Oh, brother! Here they go again!

• [Jim and Gonzo have been listing the different directions of the compass and what lies that way] 

  Mrs. Bluberidge : To the northwest dirty dishes!

  Gonzo : How does she do that?

  Jim Hawkins : Might as well start. I'll wash.

  Rizzo : I'll dry.

  Gonzo : I'll break.

• Gonzo : We'd be out searching for that treasure. Sailing the seven seas on a five-year mission. Boldly going where no man has gone before! Say, that's catchy.

• Rizzo : [after Jim and Long John leave]  Well, it looks like the human beings wanna hang out together. Don't wanna hang out with a rat and a... uh... um...

  Gonzo : Whatever.

  Rizzo : Yeah!

• Gonzo : Rizzo! You lost all the bullets!

  Rizzo : Well, you're losing the powder!

• Jim Hawkins : [sung]  I look around here and I want to cry.

  Rizzo : Ah, me too.

  Jim Hawkins : [sung]  I feel like the world is passing me by.

  Gonzo : It is.

  Jim Hawkins : [sung]  And I just can't help but wonder am I doomed to wash and dry? And is it a curse I'm under to do it till I die.

  Gonzo : Oh, I hope not.

  Jim Hawkins : [sung]  When I could be an explorer...

  Gonzo : Sure you could.

  Jim Hawkins : [sung]  ... sailing off to distant lands...

  Gonzo : Wait! Not so fast.

  Jim Hawkins : [sung]  ... 'stead of spending every afternoon just getting dishpan hands. My future looks like nowhere that I want to be.

  Jim Hawkins , Rizzo , Gonzo : [sung]  There's got to be something better, something better...

  Jim Hawkins : [sung]  There's got to be something better than this for me.

• Dr. David Livesey : [looking at the treasure map]  Say, I know what's happening here. You chaps are planning to sail to this island, aren't you? To dig up this treasure.

  Jim Hawkins : Yes, but we must be quiet about it.

  [whisper] 

  Jim Hawkins : There are pirates looking for this map.

  Gonzo : [normal voice]  Yeah, and they want to KILL us for it! Isn't that exciting?