Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

Bill Barretta: Clueless Morgan, Swedish Chef, Blind Pew (hands), Pirate, Pig, Skulls

Quotes 

• Mr. Samuel Arrow : [during roll call]  Big Fat Ugly Bug-Faced Baby Eating-O'Brien?

  Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Faced-Baby-Eating O'Brien : [a beautiful woman with a deep voice]  Aye.

  Mr. Samuel Arrow : [he and officers stand aghast for a moment]  Oh.

  Mr. Samuel Arrow : [continuing the role call]  Angel Marie?

  Angel Marie : [an ugly creature]  Aye! Aye!

• Polly Lobster : Clueless!

  Clueless Morgan : Yeah yeah.

  Polly Lobster : Give it to him!

  Mad Monty : Yeah!

  Clueless Morgan : But it's not even his birthday.

  Polly Lobster : No no no no no the paper!

  [Polly Lobster punches Clueless Morgan] 

  Clueless Morgan : This is for you.

  [Clueless Morgan gives Long John Silver the paper with the black spot] 

  Long John Silver : The black spot?

  Mad Monty : Yeah!

  Long John Silver : You dare to give me the black spot?

  Clueless Morgan : He told me to.

  Polly Lobster : What? Shut up will you!

  Long John Silver : Drawn on a page torn from a page from the bible. You tore a page from the holy scriptures, to make a pirates death sentence?

  Clueless Morgan : Here.

  Long John Silver : Oh the red hot gates of hell are creeping open! Satan is heating his pokers for you for you, you blasphemes heathens! Fall down on your knees and beg for deliverance from damnation!

  [Pirates trembling] 

  Clueless Morgan : Please forgive us.

  [Pirates begging for forgiveness] 

  Long John Silver : Very good you're forgiven. Now untie me! And let's go find the treasure!

  [Pirates rejoicing] 

• Mudwell the Mudbunny : [sobbing]  Dead Tom's dead. Long John shot him!

  Walleyed Pike : But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom.

• Polly Lobster : Give it to him.

  Clueless Morgan : (Confused) But, um, it's not even his Birthday...

• Billy Bones : [after opening sequence]  Now isn't that a story worth a hearin'?

  First Pig : It was the first dozen times we heard it.

  Second Pig : I'll drink to that.

• Clueless Morgan : It's a sign! This a curséd place!

  Long John Silver : Now there's an informed opinion.

• Clueless Morgan : I got a lovely recipe for blackened rat.

• Polly Lobster : [the pirates see the Hispaniola sailing to them, seemingly unmanned]  It's coming dead for us!

  Clueless Morgan : It-It's the ghost of Captain Flinty!

  Mad Monty : He's coming to kill us!

  [the pirates, except for Silver, scream and run away] 

  Long John Silver : Come back here you cowards!

  [Looks back at the ship with a glare] 

  Long John Silver : ... Hawkins!