Muppet Treasure Island (1996)
Frank Oz: Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Sam the Eagle, Animal
Photos
Quotes
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Mr. Samuel Arrow : [during roll call] Big Fat Ugly Bug-Faced Baby Eating-O'Brien?
Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Faced-Baby-Eating O'Brien : [a beautiful woman with a deep voice] Aye.
Mr. Samuel Arrow : [he and officers stand aghast for a moment] Oh.
Mr. Samuel Arrow : [continuing the role call] Angel Marie?
Angel Marie : [an ugly creature] Aye! Aye!
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Captain Abraham Smollett : [shouting flabergasted] Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen! so who hired them?
[Everyone points at Young Squire Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger]
Captain Abraham Smollett : Your finger hired the crew?
Squire Trelawney : No, that's silly. The man who *lives* in my finger hired the crew: Mr. Bimbo.
[Holds finger to ear]
Squire Trelawney : What? Ah, yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of an excellent cook, Long John Silver.
Captain Abraham Smollett : A cook? And a guy who lives in a bear's finger?
Squire Trelawney : Exactly!
Captain Abraham Smollett : [Smollet and Mr. Erroll sigh heavily] I'm starting to worry about this voyage.
Mr. Samuel Erroll : Mm-hmm...
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Captain Abraham Smollett : Bejamina, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.
Benjamina Gunn : Sorry? No, no, sorry doesn't cut it. You left me standing at the ALTAR!
Captain Abraham Smollett : I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
Benjamina Gunn : You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet. My mother came all the way from France! I was wearing her white lace dress! The cake was filled with lemon CUSTARD!
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Mr. Samuel Arrow : Any man caught dawdling will be shot on sight.
Captain Abraham Smollett : I didn't say that.
Mr. Samuel Arrow : I was just paraphrasing.
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Jim Hawkins : Kill Captain Smollett, and you'll have to kill me.
Gonzo : Kill Jim, and you'll have to kill me.
Squire Trelawney : Kill Gonzo, and you'll have to kill me.
Rizzo : Kill Squire Trelawney and Mr. Bimbo, and you'll have to... negotiate strenuously.
[Silver turns to try to escape only to run into Benjamina and a gang of pigs]
Benjamina Gunn : Going somewhere, John-John?
Long John Silver : Well, Master Hawkins, it seems your little family has come together against me.
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Squire Trelawney : Well, gentlemen, this is definitely a genuine bona-fide treasure map.
Jim Hawkins : Really?
Squire Trelawney : Oh, yes. Mr. Bimbo told me so.
[pause]
Squire Trelawney : Oh, Mr. Bimbo lives in my finger. He's very smart. He's been to the moon.
[puts finger to his ear]
Squire Trelawney : Oh, thank you... twice.
Rizzo : I smell a bozo.
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Captain Abraham Smollett : [Captain Smollet and Mr. Arrow are fighting the pirates, and Sweetums comes running at them with a large log] Watch out Mr. Arrow!
Captain Abraham Smollett : [Sweetums then takes all the pirates out with the large log. Smollet and Arrow look at each other for a moment] Well thank you! But, aren't you supposed to be fighting against us?
Sweetums : Are you kidding? I LOVE you guys!
Captain Abraham Smollett , Mr. Samuel Erroll : Oh.
Sweetums : Bwa ha ha...
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Mr. Samuel Arrow : That will be 40 lashes and then you walk the plank.
Captain Abraham Smollett : I didn't say that, Mr. Erroll.
Mr. Samuel Arrow : I was anticipating your whim, sir.
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Benjamina Gunn : You left me standing at the altar.
Captain Abraham Smollett : I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
Benjamina Gunn : You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet.
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Benjamina Gunn : All right. No more Ms. Nice Guy.
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Mr. Samuel Arrow : Boogie, boogie, boogie. I am the ghost of Samuel Arrow. Boogie!
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Benjamina Gunn : Smolly, can it be you?
Captain Abraham Smollett : Benjamina.
Benjamina Gunn : Hi-yah!
[Karate chops Smollett, sends him flying into the gong]
Captain Abraham Smollett : [to the gong ringer] Old girlfriend.
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Long John Silver : Touching reunion, Benjamina. This seems to be your day for renewing old... acquaintances.
Benjamina Gunn : Oh! Well... hello, Looooong John.
Captain Abraham Smollett : Oh, no! Him too?
Benjamina Gunn : Well, if you'd married me...!
Captain Abraham Smollett : Well, what does that have to do with it?
Benjamina Gunn : I'm a pig! I need commitment!
Captain Abraham Smollett : Commitment?
[They begin to bicker madly]
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Mr. Samuel Arrow : Captain Smollet, I have most distressing news. One of the jolly boats is missing and I know for a fact that it was terribly unsafe.
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Mr. Samuel Arrow : By the way, that Silver fellow, may not be trustworthy.
Rizzo : [to Gonzo] Ha ha. Now he tells us.
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[When Long John and the pirates threaten to kill Capt. Smollet/Kermit, Benjamina Gunn/Miss Piggy finally reveals where the treasure is]
Benjamina Gunn : Stoooooooooppp! Stop stop stop stop!
[casual tone]
Benjamina Gunn : The treasure's at my place! North trail spin little hut with the pink lawn furniture, you can't miss it!
[impressively]
Benjamina Gunn : Now free him at once, you scoundrel!
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Benjamina Gunn : You can't hurt my frog.
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Jim Hawkins : Welcome aboard, Captain Smollet.
Mr. Samuel Arrow : And welcome to your lady pig friend.
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Benjamina Gunn : You know, I'm beginning to see a pattern in the men I date.
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Benjamina Gunn : Of all the backwater, no class piles of sand in the ocean, you had to wash up on mine!
