Tried watching this movie at a bad movie night recently, as we were all excited by the brief synopsis provided on IMDB. Ordered a VHS off of Amazon, converted to digital, and watched online with my family (social distancing). Started fine, light action, cuts to sci-fi battle arena, and Michael Dorn makes a speech. I legit have no idea how to explain the movie after this. The poorly explained plot would make this movie interesting/easy to make fun of, but most of the scenes on their own are just so dull. Idk, if you're drinking with some friends and want to talk over something while occasionally making fun of the bad special effects, go for it. Otherwise, do not watch this movie.
8 Reviews
Seriously...what the HECK did I just watch?!
udar5529 April 2024
Director James Glickenhaus' swan song Timemaster is the kind of story you have seen a million times. You know (takes in deep breath) where interdimensional aliens steal people from parallel universes in order to make them compete in a virtual world death games where people gamble on the matches with their lifeforce that is a blue liquid and this poor kid (Glickenhaus' son Jesse) was orphaned after his parents (Joanna Pacula and Duncan Regehr) were stolen in a post-nuke 2007 America, so with the help of a sympathetic alien (Pat Mortita!) he goes bouncing from world to world to find his mom and dad until he meets the main bad guy (Michael Dorn) and challenges him in a virtual ski race to free his parents, but also wants to stop the nuclear war in his timeline that was set off accidentally in the White House kitchen while saving his sister from growing up to be a biker babe in an alternate timeline. Got all that?
Seriously, what the hell did I just watch? Glickenhaus went out with a bang in terms of production values, but his screenplay is literally all over the place. Lots of famous cult faces show up including Irwin Keyes, Zelda Rubinstein, and "Mean" Gene Okerlund and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan (as the announcers of the virtual combat event). It is also one of the first films of Michelle Williams, who plays the love interest of the lead kid. True to his action roots, Glickenhaus does at least pepper in some amazing cliff jumps in the ski sequence. After this film, he left the movie industry to jump into the much more stable world of high-end race car construction.
Seriously, what the hell did I just watch? Glickenhaus went out with a bang in terms of production values, but his screenplay is literally all over the place. Lots of famous cult faces show up including Irwin Keyes, Zelda Rubinstein, and "Mean" Gene Okerlund and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan (as the announcers of the virtual combat event). It is also one of the first films of Michelle Williams, who plays the love interest of the lead kid. True to his action roots, Glickenhaus does at least pepper in some amazing cliff jumps in the ski sequence. After this film, he left the movie industry to jump into the much more stable world of high-end race car construction.
This film made no sense..
numsixof112 April 2002
Here's the plot (as far as I could tell) -- There is an advanced race of Aliens who have mastered time travel. The only use for this these aliens can come up with is apparently for a game. They travel to various planets and use its populous as pawns in a sort of futuristic game show. They eventually suck the life force out of the planet and turn it into a blue liquid that grants them eternal life. (I think)
Pat Morita is a part of this alien race that for some reason forms a bond with this boy. (The reason for this is never made clear). This boy somehow realizes whats going on and with the help of Pat Morita sets off on a serious of adventures. (This part doesn't make much sense either). Apparently the end of the game on planet earth will end up in a nuclear war in 2006, so stopping this eventually becomes the focus of the plot. (Sorta)
Oh, for some reason the boys parents are involved in every 'game' throughout history. I think they're alive, but maybe they're dead.. I'm sorry, this doesn't make any more sense when trying to relate it. This movie literally makes NO sense. The basic premise is pretty neat in theory.. but its like watching every other chapter of a story driven series. At no point do you really understand whats going on. Its all just a mess of scenes linked together with some sort of time travel/alien game gimmick. I'd highly recommend avoiding this at all costs unless you're in need of 90 minutes of pure confusion.
What were they thinking ?
Pat Morita is a part of this alien race that for some reason forms a bond with this boy. (The reason for this is never made clear). This boy somehow realizes whats going on and with the help of Pat Morita sets off on a serious of adventures. (This part doesn't make much sense either). Apparently the end of the game on planet earth will end up in a nuclear war in 2006, so stopping this eventually becomes the focus of the plot. (Sorta)
Oh, for some reason the boys parents are involved in every 'game' throughout history. I think they're alive, but maybe they're dead.. I'm sorry, this doesn't make any more sense when trying to relate it. This movie literally makes NO sense. The basic premise is pretty neat in theory.. but its like watching every other chapter of a story driven series. At no point do you really understand whats going on. Its all just a mess of scenes linked together with some sort of time travel/alien game gimmick. I'd highly recommend avoiding this at all costs unless you're in need of 90 minutes of pure confusion.
What were they thinking ?
Arguably One of the worst movies of the 90's
jrichard-323 July 2002
This movie blows the big one! There are no redeeming qualities to be found in Timemaster. It takes a real bunch of losers to take a cool idea like time travel and transform it into what we see here. Einstein must be rolling around in his grave! How dare they quote him in this piece of garbage! Timemaster isn't a good children's movie, either. Garbage is garbage. I wouldn't show this filth to my children. So boring it hurts! 1 out of 10.
The worst movie ever?!
Sphunk20 January 1999
Crapmaster
blurnieghey23 April 2023
Warning: Spoilers
So, I read the other reviews of this flick first and decided I'd try to watch it with an open mind and at least pretend I was watching something that was put together properly and unjustly misunderstood. Well, that's not the case with Timemaster, and this film is every bit as bad as the other negative Nellie's say it is. First off, with few exceptions, any movie that has an extended monologue at the beginning that attempts to explain what you're watching is a fail--you're supposed to figure that out by yourself by watching the movie, but it's neither here nor there in this flick because so much of what goes on with the characters is unexplained, leaving you completely lost from the very beginning. For example, what's so special about this family in the first place and what time did they actually come from? Not that you'd care after about 15 minutes because the film is a complete mess.
I could go on and on, but there are two things in the film that jumped out at me as being completely hilarious. First, there is the ridiculous concept that people on earth are nothing more than chess pieces in some sort of high-tech video game. Yeah, that's a little far-fetched, so how do they portray the game console? With these goofy chairs that bounce up and down for no reason and a bunch of buttons and knobs that you push and crank without any rhyme or reason, either. Sound dumb? Try watching it. Then, there is the scene where the kid tries to thwart a nuclear war, right after the bad guys enter the code to set it off. How did they get the code? Easy enough, the second you open the briefcase the first thing you see is a computer screen telling you the code, even taking the trouble and screen space to mention it is for starting a nuclear war! Kind of defeats the purpose of having a secret code!
Personally, I have a thing for stinker movies like this, and kind of enjoyed it in a sick way, but be assured this film is a royal piece of garbage. While normally I'd attribute this sort of mess to a producer deciding to splice a couple of half-filmed projects into one movie to make a quick buck, this does not appear to be the case with Timemaster and everything that's wrong with it can be attributed to shear ineptitude and bad screen writing. As far as bad movies go, I put this one on the level of Deadly Drifter or Skullduggery, except those films were attempting to be kind of arty and clever, while this thing is just crap. Watch only if you are into self-abuse.
I could go on and on, but there are two things in the film that jumped out at me as being completely hilarious. First, there is the ridiculous concept that people on earth are nothing more than chess pieces in some sort of high-tech video game. Yeah, that's a little far-fetched, so how do they portray the game console? With these goofy chairs that bounce up and down for no reason and a bunch of buttons and knobs that you push and crank without any rhyme or reason, either. Sound dumb? Try watching it. Then, there is the scene where the kid tries to thwart a nuclear war, right after the bad guys enter the code to set it off. How did they get the code? Easy enough, the second you open the briefcase the first thing you see is a computer screen telling you the code, even taking the trouble and screen space to mention it is for starting a nuclear war! Kind of defeats the purpose of having a secret code!
Personally, I have a thing for stinker movies like this, and kind of enjoyed it in a sick way, but be assured this film is a royal piece of garbage. While normally I'd attribute this sort of mess to a producer deciding to splice a couple of half-filmed projects into one movie to make a quick buck, this does not appear to be the case with Timemaster and everything that's wrong with it can be attributed to shear ineptitude and bad screen writing. As far as bad movies go, I put this one on the level of Deadly Drifter or Skullduggery, except those films were attempting to be kind of arty and clever, while this thing is just crap. Watch only if you are into self-abuse.
Turd Moisture
saint_brett31 January 2023
Warning: Spoilers
A James Glickenhaus film conveniently made just so that he could cast his own son & daughter in it.
"Time - I used to think of it as a toilet flushing and the combination soup water swirling around formulating Technicolor's. The only problem was, you looked up and realised there was no toilet paper in the holster."
What is this - 'The Road Warrior?' The movie's started off a million miles an hour and isn't even trying to hide its blatant ripping off of 'Mad Max 2.' What's the guy with the Seinfeld rat hat on his head? He looks like Mr. Sweetchuck on meth and two wheels.
Yogi Bear didn't say, "It ain't over till it's over." Kravitz did.
This was filmed a decade after 'The Karate Kid.' Mr. Miyagi made that acclaimed movie in '84, and gained our respect, yet he went backwards by participating in trash like this years later? He loses face.
I'm not following what's going on.
There's some sort of advanced virtual reality machine from 'Pocket Ninjas' that's been upgraded which sees grown adults sitting in some 'After Burner' setup and making fools of themselves like their lives depend on it.
This movie should have been called 'Mix Master' as they keep adding different plot ingredients to the mix which make it jumbled.
If their goal was to throw the viewer off then they've succeeded as they lost me at the start.
This Jesse kid looks like one of those recent school -
No wait, never mind. I'll retract that statement.
They have seriously made a movie without writing a story first.
I'm at a loss.
Some feral offspring from 'Mad Max 2' shot a condemned man in the wild west then abandoned his sister in a youth hostel then flies into space and meets a dinosaur now he's dealing 5 card stud to Bill the Butcher.
Is it trying to be 'Grand tour: Disaster in time?'
'Timemaster' isn't even entertaining.
This movie can go to hell - it's wasting my time!
If you had a terminal illness, and only days to live, you wouldn't wanna spend your dying days wasting it on this suffering.
Wow, a young Mormon girl just lobbed a hand grenade at Inspector Gadget and he fell from the sky to his death.
Some other young stuff, with a hot bod, chases after the gang of time travelers and I guess this movie warrants one point because of her pulchritude?
Movie tries to go in the director of 'T2' with a truck plot but quickly squashes that idea then all these Cirque du Soleil twits appear out of nowhere and start trapezing about. What any of that means - who knows?
It's embarrassing for all involved.
Even Miyagi is standing around with a puzzled look on his face wondering why his agent allowed him to participate in this shemozzle.
This is seriously stupid. It's not for kids as there's a large amount of violence. It's not for adults as I'm living proof of that with my scripture as evidence.
I don't know what any of this means. It's like a movie that was made for a different breed of human.
Is it a movie designed for Scientologists?
Were the 'Battlefield Earth' mob behind this?
It just baffles the mind how disjointed this whole mess is and for it to run over 100-minutes only adds to the extension of your sentence punishment.
If you're unlucky enough to encounter Pinhead, and his Cenobite friends, you better pray he don't send you to an eternity of this movie.
I've said before in the past that prisoners who are given life sentences without parole should be made to watch movies like this and 'Curse of the Zodiac' five times a day, seven days a week, for the rest of their lives.
What's any of this skiing crap got to do with the virtual reality 'Pocket Ninjas' jargon? Is that who's behind this movie - the people who made 'Pocket Ninjas?'
'Timemaster' should be outlawed for being nonsensical and generally released without good reason.
I'd rather watch discarded bubble-gum amalgamate with dog poop on the sole of a strangers boot where it leaves behind little cartoons that you have to decipher.
"Time - I used to think of it as a toilet flushing and the combination soup water swirling around formulating Technicolor's. The only problem was, you looked up and realised there was no toilet paper in the holster."
What is this - 'The Road Warrior?' The movie's started off a million miles an hour and isn't even trying to hide its blatant ripping off of 'Mad Max 2.' What's the guy with the Seinfeld rat hat on his head? He looks like Mr. Sweetchuck on meth and two wheels.
Yogi Bear didn't say, "It ain't over till it's over." Kravitz did.
This was filmed a decade after 'The Karate Kid.' Mr. Miyagi made that acclaimed movie in '84, and gained our respect, yet he went backwards by participating in trash like this years later? He loses face.
I'm not following what's going on.
There's some sort of advanced virtual reality machine from 'Pocket Ninjas' that's been upgraded which sees grown adults sitting in some 'After Burner' setup and making fools of themselves like their lives depend on it.
This movie should have been called 'Mix Master' as they keep adding different plot ingredients to the mix which make it jumbled.
If their goal was to throw the viewer off then they've succeeded as they lost me at the start.
This Jesse kid looks like one of those recent school -
No wait, never mind. I'll retract that statement.
They have seriously made a movie without writing a story first.
I'm at a loss.
Some feral offspring from 'Mad Max 2' shot a condemned man in the wild west then abandoned his sister in a youth hostel then flies into space and meets a dinosaur now he's dealing 5 card stud to Bill the Butcher.
Is it trying to be 'Grand tour: Disaster in time?'
'Timemaster' isn't even entertaining.
This movie can go to hell - it's wasting my time!
If you had a terminal illness, and only days to live, you wouldn't wanna spend your dying days wasting it on this suffering.
Wow, a young Mormon girl just lobbed a hand grenade at Inspector Gadget and he fell from the sky to his death.
Some other young stuff, with a hot bod, chases after the gang of time travelers and I guess this movie warrants one point because of her pulchritude?
Movie tries to go in the director of 'T2' with a truck plot but quickly squashes that idea then all these Cirque du Soleil twits appear out of nowhere and start trapezing about. What any of that means - who knows?
It's embarrassing for all involved.
Even Miyagi is standing around with a puzzled look on his face wondering why his agent allowed him to participate in this shemozzle.
This is seriously stupid. It's not for kids as there's a large amount of violence. It's not for adults as I'm living proof of that with my scripture as evidence.
I don't know what any of this means. It's like a movie that was made for a different breed of human.
Is it a movie designed for Scientologists?
Were the 'Battlefield Earth' mob behind this?
It just baffles the mind how disjointed this whole mess is and for it to run over 100-minutes only adds to the extension of your sentence punishment.
If you're unlucky enough to encounter Pinhead, and his Cenobite friends, you better pray he don't send you to an eternity of this movie.
I've said before in the past that prisoners who are given life sentences without parole should be made to watch movies like this and 'Curse of the Zodiac' five times a day, seven days a week, for the rest of their lives.
What's any of this skiing crap got to do with the virtual reality 'Pocket Ninjas' jargon? Is that who's behind this movie - the people who made 'Pocket Ninjas?'
'Timemaster' should be outlawed for being nonsensical and generally released without good reason.
I'd rather watch discarded bubble-gum amalgamate with dog poop on the sole of a strangers boot where it leaves behind little cartoons that you have to decipher.
Not a bad film.
JG200114 November 1999
Timemaster isn't the best movie out there by a long shot, but it does have it's moments. The film is a good one to watch on a quiet evening or rainy afternoon. I don't know how available it is to rent, but the Sci-Fi Channel shows it occasionally. If it's on, watch it. It's certainly much better than a lot of other films that could be named.
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