- Natty: Washington is the only town in America where the appearance of something is much more important than the reality. For instance, if you go into a public restroom and you come out too soon, you didn't wash your hands. If you stay in too long, you molested someone. If you stay in there just the right amount of time, you're slick.
- Natty: There is no such thing as a little mistake in Washington. It doesn't matter that George Bush was never mystified by a supermarket scanner, or that Bill Clinton's haircut never held up any aiplane. All that matters is that it's repeated over and over again until it becomes fact and/or sells enough newspapers and the retractions are printed on page 78!
- Suzanne: My five husbands left me plenty of money! And I'm sure I'll marry again. Or as my grandmother used to say, "Honey, if you ever need a million dollars, just remember, you're sitting on it!"
- Natty: Miss Sugarbaker, I want you to know we were all absolutely devestated over your husband's untimely death.
- Suzanne: Well, I'm not sure how untimely it was - he was 76! Anyway, there's no reason to be sad. He lived a wonderful life and never suffered unless I wanted him to.