Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love (1994 TV Movie)
Robert Picardo: Chad Penrod
Photos
Quotes
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Dudley Dawson : Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to jump off the dock!
Ogre : Yeah!
[applause]
Chip : Hold it, everybody. I'd like to offer my toast...
Everybody : Yeah, yeah.
Dudley Dawson : ...to Booger's love child.
[suspenseful music]
Dudley Dawson : Love child? What are you talking about?
[suspenseful music continues]
Chip : I'm talking about the daughter you had 12 years ago, out of wedlock, with a young woman in Sandusky, Ohio.
Ogre : All right, Booger! Yeah, bud!
Aaron Humphrey : You have a child that my little girl doesn't know about? I am appalled Booger, appalled. And so is my wife, right, see?
Lois Humphrey : But...
Dudley Dawson : I don't know anything about this. I have no child in Sandusky, Ohio.
Chip : The hell you don't!
[everyone gasps]
Lewis Skolnick : This is a fairly specious charge. Where's your proof, Chip?
Dudley Dawson : Yeah, where's your proof, Chip?
Everybody : Yeah!
Chip : My proof is right here: I'd like you to meet Detective First Class, Chad Penrod. Detective Penrod, does Dudley Dawson, alias "Booger", have or have not a 12-year old child in Sandusky, Ohio?
Chad Penrod : [takes out his notepad] I checked the birth records in Sandusky and found... that on March 19, 1981, a certain Heidi Dawson was born to a Miss Cathleen Turtle... Turteltaub, and a Mr. Dudley Dawson.
Ogre : Cool.
Trevor Gulf : Wait! If the parents of the alleged love child were never married, why isn't the child's name Heidi Turteltaub?
Dudley Dawson : Exactly! Why isn't the child's name Heidi Turteltaub?
Lewis Skolnick : Yes!
Chad Penrod : Beats me.
Dudley Dawson : If the child were born to an unmarried mother, wouldn't the so-said mother have given the aforementioned daughter her last name?
Chad Penrod : Well, I do know this: The child's nickname is "Booger".
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Chip : I'm looking for dirt, scandal, some deviant behavior, a skeleton in the closet that would be so horrible, it would break up a wedding, and money's no object.
Chad Penrod : How did you find me?
Chip : Let's just say, through a friend.
Chad Penrod : And why do you wanna ruin the wedding?
Chip : Well, my father-in-law's thinking of getting into politics, and the groom would ruin his chances.
Chad Penrod : If the father-in-law doesn't the political arena, you don't take over the family business.
Chip : Yes, well I suppose that would happen, but that's not my major concern.
Chad Penrod : It's nerds, isn't it?
Chip : How did you know that?
Chad Penrod : I'm a detective.
Chip : Wow.
Chad Penrod : I had a case with nerds a couple months ago, they can be very slippery.
Chip : How do I know you're any good?
Chad Penrod : You know the dirt on the royal family?
Chip : You?
[Chad Penrod nods]
Chip : Well, let's do business.
Chad Penrod : All right, what's the groom's name?
Chip : Uh, Dudley Dawson, but his friends call him "Booger".
Chad Penrod : Well, that's the first thing in our favor.
Chip : What's that?
Chad Penrod : With a name like Booger, it shouldn't be too hard to get dirt on him, right?
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Chip : I - I thought you told me the love child was real.
Chad Penrod : I didn't say she was real, I said it was a great idea.
Chip : But it hasn't turned out to be such a great idea, has it? If Aaron finds out I've lied to him, I'm dead; he's gonna fire me.
Chad Penrod : [sighs] Hey, if he fires you, isn't he also cutting off his own daughter?
Chip : [whines] He's gonna give her an allowance that I'm not allowed to touch.
Chad Penrod : Well... that'd do it.
[Chip moans]
Chad Penrod : Aw relax, will you? There are plenty of ways to ruin a wedding.
Chip : Such as?
Chad Penrod : It's easy, you know what bachelor parties are like: beautiful women, liquor flowing, raw naked temptation; Booger's bound to succumb. According to his bio, he's got the self-control of a Brahma bull.
Chip : Uh, how would we, uh - how would we show proof of this?
Chad Penrod : We'll make one of "America's least funny home videos".
[Chip and Chad laugh mischievously]
Chip : Do it.
Chad Penrod : Hey, there's a horse here named "Big Booger".