The Lion King (1994)
Rowan Atkinson: Zazu
Photos
Quotes
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Zazu : [singing] Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. / Nobody knows my sorrow.
Scar : Oh, Zazu, do lighten up. Sing something with a little bounce in it.
Zazu : [singing] It's a small world after all
Scar : No, no! Anything but that!
Zazu : [singing] I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. / Dee-dee-dee-dee, / There they a-standing in a row.
Zazu , Scar : [Scar joins in] Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head
Zazu : [whispering] I would never have had to do this with Mufasa.
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Zazu : Checking in with the morning report.
Mufasa : Fire away.
Zazu : Well the buzz from the bees is that the leopards are in a bit of a spot. And the baboons are going ape over this. Of course, the giraffes are acting like they're above it all... The tick birds are pecking on the elephants. I told the elephants to forget it, but they can't. The cheetahs are hard up, but I always say, cheetahs never prosper...
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Mufasa : Don't turn your back on me, Scar.
Scar : Oh, no, Mufasa. Perhaps you shouldn't turn your back on me.
Mufasa : [growls, runs to stand before him] Is that a challenge?
Scar : Temper, temper. I wouldn't dream of challenging you.
Zazu : Pity. Why not?
Scar : Well, as far as brains go, I got the lion's share. But, when it comes to brute strength, I'm afraid I'm at the shallow end of the gene pool.
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Zazu : [about Scar] There's one in every family, sire. Two in mine, actually, and they always manage to ruin special occasions.
Mufasa : What am I going to do with him?
Zazu : He'd make a very handsome throw rug.
Mufasa : [Surprised] Zazu!
Zazu : And just think, whenever he gets dirty, you can take him out and beat him.
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Zazu : Well, as slippery as your mind is, as the King's brother *you* should've been first in line.
Scar : [Scar threatens to bite, Zazu retreats toward Mufasa] Well, I was first in line, until the little hairball was born.
Mufasa : That hairball is my son. And *your* future king.
Scar : Oh, I shall have to practice my curtsy.
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Shenzi : Well, well, well, Banzai, what have we got here?
Banzai : Hmm, I don't know Shenzi uh, what do you think Ed?
Ed the Hyena : Oo ehehe, oh hahahaha
Banzai : Yeah, just what I was thinking, a trio of trespassers.
Zazu : And quite by accident let me assure you...
Shenzi : Whoa, whoa, wait wait. I know you, you're Mufasa's little stooge.
Zazu : I madame, am the king's majordomo.
Banzai : And that would make you...?
Young Simba : The future King!
Shenzi : Do you know what we do to kings who step out of their kingdom?
Young Simba : Puh, you can't do anything to me.
Zazu : Uh-uh, technically they can, we are on their land.
Young Simba : But Zazu, you told me they are nothing but slobbery, mangy stupid poachers.
Zazu : Ix-nay on the upid-stay...
Banzai : Who you callin' upid-stay?
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Zazu : [leading Simba and Nala to the waterhole] Step lively. The sooner we get to the water hole, the sooner we can leave.
Young Nala : [whispering to Simba] So, where are we really going?
Young Simba : An elephant graveyard.
Young Nala : Wow!
Young Simba : Shhhh! Zazu.
Young Nala : Right. So, how are we gonna ditch the dodo?
[Simba starts whispering to her]
Zazu : Just look at you two. Little seeds of romance blossoming in the savannah. Your parents will be thrilled, what with your being betrothed and all.
Young Simba : Be-what?
Zazu : Betrothed. Intended. Affianced.
Young Nala : Meaning...
Zazu : One day, you two are going to be married.
Young Simba : Yuck!
Young Nala : Ew.
Young Simba : I can't marry her. She's my friend.
Young Nala : Yeah, it'd be so weird.
Zazu : Well, sorry to bust your bubble, but you two turtledoves have no choice. It's a tradition going back generations.
Young Simba : Well, when I'm king, that'll be the first thing to go.
Zazu : Not so long as I'm around.
Young Simba : Well, in that case, you're fired.
Zazu : Nice try, but only the king can do that.
Young Nala : Well, he's the future king.
Young Simba : Yeah, so you have to do what I tell you.
Zazu : Not yet, I don't. And with an attitude like that, I'm afraid you're shaping up to be a pretty pathetic king indeed.
Young Simba : Not the way I see it
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Young Simba : Look, banana beak is scared.
Zazu : It's Mr. banana beak to you, fuzzy, and right now we are all in very real danger.
Young Simba : Danger? Hah! I walk on the wild side. I laugh in the face of danger. Ha ha ha ha!
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Banzai : Hey, Boss.
Scar : Oh, what is it this time?
Banzai : We got a bone to pick with you.
Shenzi : I'll handle this. Scar, there's no food, no water.
Banzai : Yeah. It's dinner time and we ain't got no stinking entrées.
Scar : It's the lionesses' job to do the hunting.
Banzai : Yeah, but they won't go hunt.
Scar : Oh... Eat Zazu.
Zazu : Oh, you wouldn't want me. I'd be so tough and gamey and...
Scar : Oh, Zazu, don't be ridiculous. All you need is a little garlic.
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Zazu : I'm here to announce that King Mufasa's on his way, so you'd better have a good excuse for missing the ceremony this morning.
Scar : [sees the mouse scampering off] Oh, now look, Zazu. You made me lose my lunch.
Zazu : Ha! You'll lose more than that when the king gets through with you. He's as mad as a hippo with a hernia...
Scar : [approaches him menacingly] Oooh... I quiver with fear!
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Shenzi : Do you know what we do to kings who step out of their kingdom?
Young Simba : Puh. You can't do anything to me.
Zazu : Technically, they can. We are on their land.
Young Simba : But Zazu, you told me they're nothing but slobbering, mangy, stupid poachers.
Zazu : Ix-nay on the upid-stay.
Banzai : Who are you callin' upid-stay?
Zazu : My, my, my. Look at the sun. It's time to go!
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Zazu : As the king's brother, you should have been first in line.
Scar : Well, I was first in line, until the little hairball was born.
Mufasa : That hairball is my son and your future king.
Scar : [Begins walking away] Oh, I shall practice my curtsy!
Mufasa : Don't turn your back on me, Scar.
Scar : Oh, no Mufasa. Perhaps you shouldn't turn your back on me.
Mufasa : [growls and runs in front of Scar's path] Is that a challenge?
Scar : Temper temper. I wouldn't dream of challenging you.
Zazu : Pity. Why not?
Scar : Well as far as brains go I got the lion's share. But when it comes to brute strength, 'm afraid I'm at the shallow end of the gene pool
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Young Simba : [Simba is clinging on to a dead tree branch for dear life] Zazu, help me!
Zazu : Your father's on the way! Hold on!
Young Simba : [scared] Hurry!
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Zazu : [singing] If this is where the monarchy is headed/ count me out! Out of service, out of Africa/ I wouldn't hang about...
[the log that he is perched on goes over a water of psychedelic colors]
Zazu : Ahhh!
[Zazu manages to escape the free-fall as he flies towards the camera]
Zazu : [singing crossly] This child is getting wildly OUT OF WIIIIIIIING!
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[Mufasa, Simba, Nala and Zazu are heading back home to Pride Rock at sunset]
Mufasa : Zazu.
[Zazu flies to Mufasa and lands in front of him]
Zazu : Yes, sire?
Mufasa : [sternly] Take Nala home. I've got to teach my son a lesson.
[Simba leans his head down to the grass. Zazu flies to Simba and Nala]
Zazu : [to Nala] Come, Nala.
[to Simba]
Zazu : Simba,
[sighs]
Zazu : good luck.
[he and Nala leave, Simba looks at Nala and Zazu]
Mufasa : Simba!
[Simba slowly walks to Mufasa, notices the big paw prints he follows in. He then sits next to Mufasa. He closes his eyes]
Mufasa : [sternly looks down at Simba] Simba, I'm very disappointed in you.
Young Simba : I know.
Mufasa : You could've been killed. You deliberately disobeyed me, and what's worse, you put Nala in danger.
Young Simba : I was just trying to be brave, like you.
Mufasa : I'm only brave when I have to be. Simba, being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble.
Young Simba : But you're not scared of anything.
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[the song 'I Just Can't Wait to be King' has just finished. Zazu has been sat on by a rhinoceros]
Zazu : [Muffled] I beg your pardon, madam, but, get off!
