Heavyweights (1995)
Tom Hodges: Lars
Photos
Quotes
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[Josh is posing for a "Before" picture, and by doing so, he put his finger in his nose]
Lars : Please put your fat finger down!
[Josh does so, and turns to the wall and stretches the "Before" sign across his bottom, causing Lars to get so aggravated that he snaps the camera valve in his hand too many times, causing it to not work anymore]
Lars : [He pushes the valve seeing if it still works, and it doesn't] You've broken my camera!
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Lars : I'm feeling skinny Tony!
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Lars : Now, I must inform you; I have a severely deviated septum. When I sleep I make a very disturbing sound... Don't be alarmed, I am fine. Now! Go to sleep...
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Gerry : [writing a letter] Dear Grandma... someone once said, "War is hell." They've never been to fat camp. I knew the food would be bad...
[shows a revolting-looking lunch being passed out]
Gerry : ... but even worse...
[shows Lars stabbing the Blob with a spear]
Gerry : ... today he killed the Blob.
Gerry : [goes to the go-kart track, closed and with people putting the karts in a pile] As for the go-karts, well... may they rest in pieces. I'm writing you because nobody else seemed to care.
Maury Garner : [on the phone] I did not send you to 'go-kart' camp!
Tony Perkis : [on the PA] Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...
Gerry : Tony Perkis tries to lead by example...
Tony Perkis : [shows Tony on a bed of nails, and two guys placing an ice block on his stomach] This is the 18th level of the PerkiSystem. You'll all be doing this by Labor Day! All right, do it to it, Lars!
Lars : [standing by with a large hammer at the block] It's my honor, Tony.
[Lars breaks the ice block while the campers freak out. Tony is unharmed]
Gerry : ...but we're afraid to follow.
Tony Perkis : [nighttime, the campers are around a large fire along with Tony] I know each and every one of you - because I WAS you!
Gerry : Once a day, the kids from Camp MVP, drive by and make fun of us.
MVP camper : [shows the MVP counselor and two campers driving by in a motor boat]
[Into a megaphone]
MVP camper : You STINK! You STINK! You STINK! You STINK! HA ha ha ha ha ha ha!
[Gerry and Roy are ducked down in the water]
Gerry : At night...
[shows some more MVP campers at the dock carrying cans of paint]
Gerry : ... they vandalize our camp.
[Pat is scrubbing it all off]
Gerry : [looks at Josh's empty bed and continues] At least Josh got out... where there's food. We have to resort... to more desperate measures.
[Shows the campers chasing cows and shouting]
Gerry : Tony's arranged a dance with the girls' camp... so he can humiliate us into losing weight. Pray for me, Grandma. Love, Gerry.
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Lars : Huh very fat I see.
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Lars : [over speakers] Now, its time to meet your new owner and operator. Tony Perkis is a man who believes in you. His life is dedicated to saying things like "YES!" and "You better believe it!" Entrepenuer, a motivator, and a new friend! May I introduce, TONY PERKIS!
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Lars : [singing] I was not scared of that big deer.
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Lars : [over the PA] Pat Finley, please report to the men's toilet. Bring a mop and a plunger... now!
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Lars : Congratulations, Mr. Simms. You are the fattest boy in camp.
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Lars : [tied to a tree, campers come at him with lit torches] AHHHHHH!
Dawson : Hey Lars, guess what? We're in charge now. You know what we found out? We found out that if you don't have a job, you get deported! So Lars, buddy, you with us, or against us?
Lars : I am with you.
[turns to other camper]
Lars : I love you.
