The Flintstones (1994)
Rick Moranis: Barney Rubble
Photos
Quotes
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Barney Rubble : You know, Fred, I hear that eatin' too much red meat is bad for you.
Fred Flintstone : What a load of bunk! My father ate it every day of his life and he lived to the ripe old age of thirty-eight.
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[Dino grabs one of the steaks off the grill and runs away]
Fred Flintstone : Hey, Barn, you like your steak rare?
Barney Rubble : Yeah.
Fred Flintstone : That one's yours.
Barney Rubble : [chases Dino] Hey, stop! Come back here, you purple rodent!
Fred Flintstone : Hey, Barn! Don't forget to wash that off before you eat it!
[chuckles and drinks his Coke]
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Mrs. Pyrite : Mr. and Mrs. Rubble, this is your little boy.
[Presents Bamm-Bamm]
Betty Rubble : Oh, Barney, isn't he precious?
Fred Flintstone : [aside to Wilma] Precious? They'd have been better off with the monkey.
Wilma Flintstone : Fred!
Betty Rubble : Does he have a name?
Mrs. Pyrite : Bamm-Bamm.
Barney Rubble : Is that short for something?
Mrs. Pyrite : Bamm-Bamm-Bamm. You're going to have to take it slowly with this one. He doesn't speak yet and is a little skittish around humans, but, then again, I would be too if I'd been raised by wild mastodons. Ha ha ha.
Betty Rubble , Barney Rubble : Mastodons?
Mrs. Pyrite : Let's not nitpick! A mammal's a mammal.
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Barney Rubble : You're afraid to tell Wilma, aren't you?
Fred Flintstone : [skids the car to an abrupt halt] Afraid? Now let's get this straight, Rubble, I don't need permission from my wife to make a decision. In my cave, I reign supreme, *su-PREME*!
Barney Rubble : I won't tell her, Fred.
Fred Flintstone : [relieved] Thanks, pal.
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Betty Rubble : You know, Barney, life is funny. One minute people are your best friends, and the next you're fantasizing they're being ripped apart by a pack of rabid wolves.
Barney Rubble : You too, huh?
Betty Rubble : Oh, Barney, they've changed. I hardly know them since Fred's become a big shot.
Barney Rubble : And it should be us squanderin' all our money and treatin' our friends like dirt.
Betty Rubble : What do you mean?
Barney Rubble : Nothin'. Just sour grapes, I guess.
Betty Rubble : Don't worry, Barney. It's gonna get better. One day, we'll look back on all this, and we'll laugh.
Barney Rubble : Gee, I hope so, Betty, 'cause tomorrow they got me testing shark repellent.
[they both grimace]
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Hoagie : Waka-waka-woo!
Fred Flintstone , Barney Rubble , Joe Rockhead : Waka-waka-woo!
Hoagie : Wooga-wooga-wee!
Fred Flintstone , Barney Rubble , Joe Rockhead : Wooga-wooga wee! Piki-piki-piki, Poki-poki-poki!
[They howling and guests brought the giant cup of lava juice]
Hoagie : Lava juice!
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Fred Flintstone : I'm only one man.
Barney Rubble : Not from the back.
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[after Cliff has announced that Fred had won the executive job]
Fred Flintstone : Barney, quick, what's my name?
Barney Rubble : Fred Flintstone!
Fred Flintstone : Don't toy with me, Barn.
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Barney Rubble : So, Fred, what am I gonna call you now? Boss? Chief?
Fred Flintstone : No, simply Your Highness will do.
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Barney Rubble : Tell me something, Mr. Vice President, what's a graduated inventory plan? How about supply and demand? Hey Fred, what's two and two?
Fred Flintstone : ...I didn't come here to talk business. I'm out with my wife. Now get me a clean spoon.
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Fred Flintstone : I just want my old job back and my old life.
Barney Rubble : Hey, Fred.
[waves Fred over and whispers in his ear]
Fred Flintstone : Oh, and two weeks paid vacation for all the men in the quarry, an annual cost-of-living increase, and those little packets of ketchup in the lunch room.
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Grizzled Man : Wait, do you know this guy?
Barney Rubble : Know him? He used to be my best friend. Heck, if it weren't for me, this whole mess probably wouldn't have happened.
Grizzled Man : Thanks for telling us. We could've made a very big mistake. Hang both of them!
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Barney Rubble : It's like a dream come true. A son. Somebody to carry on the proud name of Rubble. Think I'll be a good daddy, Fred?
Fred Flintstone : Well, you're bound to find something you're good at.
Barney Rubble : Yeah sure, but...
Barney Rubble : [realizes what he said] Hey!
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Barney Rubble : [On Fred's first day of being a VP] Well, guess this is it, Mr. Flintstone. Go get 'em, big guy.
Fred Flintstone : Hey, Barn.
Barney Rubble : Yeah, Fred?
Fred Flintstone : Could you spot me a couple bucks for lunch? I'm a little short.
Barney Rubble : You're right, Fred. Nothing's changed.
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Barney Rubble : It's okay, little guy. I'm your da-da.
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Bamm-Bamm : Hi, da-da!
[Pebbles notices to him and gasps]
Barney Rubble : You did it! You called me da-da!
[bonked him in the head]
Fred Flintstone : Ooh! Barney, you lunkhead!
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Barney Rubble : You know, Fred, I hear that eating too much red meat is bad for you.
Fred Flintstone : What a load of bunk. My father ate it everyday of his life, he lived to the ripe old age of thirty-eight.
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Susan Rock : And the demonstration continues to get uglier at Slate and Company, following the unexpected layoff of virtually the entire labour force by V.P. Fred Flintstone. For the Cave News Network, this is Susan Rock.
Barney Rubble : Fred! Did you hear what happened to everyone at the quarry today?
Fred Flintstone : Yep. Few hours ago, I sent 'em all off on a nice, long vacation.
Barney Rubble : You mean, a permanent vacation!
[turns to Wilma and Betty, points to him]
Barney Rubble : He fired them!
[Betty gasps]
Wilma Flintstone : [turns to him] Fred! How could you?
Fred Flintstone : I didn't do that!
Barney Rubble : You did too! It's all over the TV!
Wilma Flintstone : Fred!
Fred Flintstone : Wilma, who are you gonna believe? Me or some busboy?
Betty Rubble : That "busboy" is your best friend!
Fred Flintstone : Best friend? BEST FRIEND? I lost my best friend the day I became an executive! He's just jealous of my hard-earned success!
Barney Rubble : Hard-earned? Tell me something, Mr. Vice President! What's a graduated inventory plan, huh? How about supply and demand? Hey, Fred! What's two and two?
Fred Flintstone : I didn't come here to talk business! I'm out with my wife! Now... get me a clean spoon.
Barney Rubble : [slams the tablecloth] That does it! The only reason you got that job is 'cause I switched tests with you.
Betty Rubble : Oh, Barney.
Fred Flintstone : Oh, ho, ho, that's rich! What good would it do me to switch tests with the guy that got the lowest score in the quarry?
Barney Rubble : Think about it, Fred!
Betty Rubble : Oh! Finally, it all makes sense.
Wilma Flintstone : You don't believe this, do you?
Betty Rubble : [stands up] Are you calling my husband a liar?
Wilma Flintstone : [gasps; stands up] Now, this has gone far enough! After everything that we've done for you! We took you into our home!
Betty Rubble : Oh, yeah? So you could show off every chance you got!
[Wilma gasps]
Betty Rubble : You used to be such nice people, but now... you're just a couple of rich snobs! Mmm!
Fred Flintstone : [stands up] Better than being a couple of petty ingrates.
Betty Rubble : Come on, Barney! We are moving out tonight!
Barney Rubble : Hang on, Betty. I forgot to punch out.
[punches Fred in the face; he faints]
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[an angry mob of quarry workers chases Fred and surrounds him]
Hoagie : String him up!
Quarry workers : Yeah!
Fred Flintstone : Wait, you can't do this! I was framed!
Grizzled Man : In a minute, you're gonna be boxed!
Quarry workers : Yeah!
[Fred is dragged to a nearby tree; the quarry workers drape a noose over the top and put it around Fred's neck; Barney arrives in a snow cone truck]
Barney Rubble : Anybody want a snow cone?
Fred Flintstone : Barney!
Barney Rubble : Fred!
[gets out of the truck]
Barney Rubble : What are you doing here?
Fred Flintstone : I'm getting lynched!
Barney Rubble : Oh.
[to the quarry workers]
Barney Rubble : I got cherry, lime, Rocky Road...
Grizzled Man : Wait a minute. Do you know this guy?
Barney Rubble : Know him? He used to be my best friend.
[Fred frowns]
Barney Rubble : Heck, in a way, if it wasn't for me, this whole mess probably wouldn't have happened.
Grizzled Man : [nods] Thanks for filling us in, mister.
[chuckles]
Grizzled Man : We could've made a very big mistake here.
[Fred smiles]
Grizzled Man : Hang both of 'em!
Barney Rubble : What?
Quarry workers : Yeah!
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[Fred, Wilma, Barney and Betty have returned to Fred's house with the Dictabird]
Wilma Flintstone : Why is the door open?
Fred Flintstone : What?
Betty Rubble : [worriedly] Oh, Wilma, something's wrong!
[they run inside to find the house has been trashed all over; Pearl is gagged and tied up on the floor]
Wilma Flintstone : Pebbles!
Betty Rubble : Bamm-Bamm?
[Wilma, Betty and Barney run inside to look for the kids while Fred raises his arms in disbelief]
Fred Flintstone : What kind of madman would *do* something like this?
[Pearl gestures for Fred to help her up; Fred steps over her and unties Dino]
Fred Flintstone : [baby voice] Who's a poor poochy? That's a baby.
[Fred steps over Pearl again; Pearl groans; Wilma, Betty and Barney return]
Wilma Flintstone : Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm are gone!
Betty Rubble : [hands Fred a stone rectangle] They left this.
Barney Rubble : It's a note.
[Wilma unties Pearl]
Fred Flintstone : "If you want to see your kids again, bring the Dictabird to the quarry at dawn. No police."
[the Dictabird gasps and Barney stares wide-eyed as Fred furiously crushes the note into dust with his bare hands]
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[nighttime; Fred and Barney stand outside in Fred's backyard; Fred carries two drinks; Barney stares at the stars]
Barney Rubble : Don't worry about me, Fred. I've been working in that quarry since it was only eight feet deep.
Fred Flintstone : Atta boy!
Barney Rubble : There could be a whole new world opening up for me.
[Fred sips both drinks]
Barney Rubble : Maybe I'll take in that franchise show this weekend.
Fred Flintstone : [hands Barney one of the drinks] That's the spirit.
Barney Rubble : [stops short of taking a sip of his drink] Fred, there's just one thing I gotta know. After all these years, how come they're canning me?
Fred Flintstone : Barn, you're a wonderful father, a loving husband, a hard worker, and one heck of a little bowler.
[Barney scoffs happily]
Fred Flintstone : But, Barn, none of that counts on an aptitude test.
[Barney's smile fades]
Fred Flintstone : You got the lowest score, pal.
Barney Rubble : [stares in shock] The lowest score?
[Fred hugs Barney]
