Friends (1994–2004)

Jennifer Aniston: Rachel Green

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Quotes 

• Rachel : See? Unisex.

  Joey : Maybe *you* need sex. I just had it a few days ago.

  Rachel : No, Joey, U-N-I-sex.

  Joey : I wouldn't say no to that.

• Joey : Rach, you gotta find out if he's in the same place you are. Otherwise, it's just a moo point.

  Rachel : A moo point?

  Joey : Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.

  Rachel : Have I been living with him too long or did that all just make sense?

• Rachel : You know, Ben, I was your daddy's girlfriend.

  Ben : But you're not anymore. Because you were on a break.

• Rachel : Can you take care of Emma just for today?

  Ross : Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.

• Monica : I'm Rachel. I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross.

  Rachel : I'm Monica. I can't get a boyfriend so I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there.

• Rachel : I don't want my baby's first words to be "How You Doing"

• [Re: "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"] 

  Monica : Sex!

  Chandler : Seriously. Answer faster.

  Monica : I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.

  Chandler : It's like a big hug.

  Phoebe : Ross, how about you? Sex or food?

  Ross : Sex!

  Phoebe : What about sex or dinosaurs?

  Ross : My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.

  Phoebe : Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?

  Joey : I don't know it's too hard.

  Rachel : Come on, you have to answer.

  Joey : Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!

• Phoebe : Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy... Phoebo.

  Ross : Uhh... Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name.

  Rachel : Ok, I got one. If it's a girl... Sandrine. It's French.

  Ross : That's a great name... for an industrial solvent.

  Rachel : Ok, you got a better one?

  Ross : Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy - Darwin.

  Rachel : Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard.

  Phoebe : By Sandrine.

• [Ross and Rachel are trying to decide a name for their baby] 

  Ross : OK, how about Ruth?

  Rachel : Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?

• [Rachel is upset about something] 

  Phoebe : Aww Pheebs.

  Rachel : Honey, that's your name.

  Phoebe : Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe I thought that's just what we called each other.

• Monica : Rach, it's the Visa card people.

  Rachel : Oh, God, ask them what they want.

  Monica : [on the phone]  Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.

  [to Rachel] 

  Monica : Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.

  Rachel : But I haven't used my card in weeks.

  Monica : That is the unusual activity.

• Ross : [frantically presses buttons on answering machine]  Oh my God! Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?

  Rachel : [from behind]  I got off the plane.

• Rachel : ...How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?

  Dr Long : Three.

  Ross : Just three? I'm dilated three!

• [Ross and Rachel are picking out names for their baby, and have each 5 vetoes] 

  Ross : Curie.

  Rachel : Veto. Rain.

  Ross : Veto. Mark.

  Rachel : Veto. Vince.

  Ross : Veto. Lance.

  Rachel : Veto. James.

  Ross : Hmmm...

  Rachel : If it's a girl.

  Ross : Veto.

  Phoebe : Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?

• Rachel : Wha... married?

  Ross : Well, yeah, I think we should get married!

  Rachel : What? Because that's your answer to everything?

• [a ritual to get rid of bad-boyfriend karma] 

  Phoebe : Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine.

  Monica : All I have is oregano and a Fresca.

  Phoebe : That's okay.

  [Adds them] 

  Phoebe : All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man.

  Rachel : OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.

• Monica : Anyway, are you gonna get a handyman to install all this stuff?

  Rachel : No, I was going to do this all by myself.

  Joey : [laughs]  You're gonna do it?

  Rachel : Yeah. Why, you don't think a woman can do this?

  Joey : Oh, women can. You... can't.

• [Rachel complaining about her father] 

  Rachel : Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady".

  Chandler : Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that.

• Monica : Are you sure you peed on the stick right?

  Rachel : How many ways are there to do that?

• Joey : [drinking a beer on the boat]  Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river.

  [yelling] 

  Joey : Get out of the way jackass.

  [to Rachel] 

  Joey : Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?

  Rachel : That is the Coast Guard.

• Chandler : You rent out these tuxes to celebrities for award shows.

  Rachel : Yeah.

  Chandler : You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people screaming "Wow. You look fabulous." at them?

  Rachel : Honey, could I recommend watching a little bit more "ESPN" and a little less "E."?

• Ross : Oh. *Oh*. Thank God, most women don't even feel them.

  Rachel : Okay, no uterus, no opinion.

• Monica : What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.

  Joey : Yeah, right!... Y'serious?

  Phoebe : Oh, yeah!

  Rachel : Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.

  Monica : Absolutely.

  Chandler : Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.

  Ross : Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.

  Chandler : The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.

• Ross : [leaning over and talking to Rachel's lap]  I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words.

  Phoebe : [wide eyed]  Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?

  Rachel : He's talking to the baby.

  Phoebe : Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick!"

• Joey : [thinking]  OK, I have no feelings for Rachel. No feelings at all. She's just a friend. I mean, I might have had some feelings for her, but now they're all gone. All of them. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever had feelings for Rachel.

  [Rachel walks into the room] 

  Rachel : Hey, sweetie.

  Joey : [thinking]  I love you.

• Rachel : How about for a girl, Rain?

  Ross : Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat."

  Phoebe : I know her!

• Rachel : I'm not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he's divorced.

  Monica : No, you go after them five minutes before they get married...

• [Mona doesn't know that Rachel is living with Ross] 

  Mona : Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?

  [Ross enters with his gift for Mona] 

  Rachel : What are you talking about? I live here.

  Ross : [nervously gives Mona her present]  Happy Valentine's Day.

  [Mona stares angrily at Ross] 

  Ross : Or, something to remember me by...

• Phoebe : [Rachel's hormones are raging]  She's going through her fourth month of pregnancy. Remember when I was in my fourth month?

  Monica : Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me.

  Phoebe : Did not!

  Monica : Yes, you did.

  [puts on a seductive look] 

  Monica : Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you.

  Phoebe : Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on.

  [blows Monica a kiss] 

  Rachel : Guys! Stop it! This is even turning me on!

• Rachel : Hey Ben, you know what? When you were a baby, you and I used to do all sorts of stuff together, coz I was your daddy's girlfriend.

  Ben : But you're not anymore.

  Rachel : No, no we're not.

  Ben : Coz you and dad were on a break.

• Rachel : Oh, honey. Don't get up. What do you need?

  Phoebe : Oh, no. Oh, nothing.

  Rachel : Come on. I am here to take care of you. What do you need? Anything.

  Phoebe : Okay, I have a wedgie.

  Rachel : Okay, that is all you.

• Rachel : Hey, just so you know: it's *not* that common, it *doesn't* "happen to every guy, " and it *is* a big deal!

  Chandler : [pointing]  I *knew* it!

• Rachel : You didn't finish reading it?

  Ross : It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for eighteen pages - front and back!

• Joey : [during Ross's speech, Joey laughs every time he hears 'homo erectus']  Ha, Ha, he said 'erectus'.

  [notices Rachel is also laughing] 

  Joey : Erectus?

  Rachel : [stifling laugh]  No, 'homo'.

• Rachel : [upset]  All right, well, if you must know... I had a traumatic... swing incident... when I was little.

  Ross : Seriously?

  Rachel : Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to - had to cut a big chunk of my hair.

  [she starts crying] 

  Rachel : And it was uneven for weeks.

  Ross : [sarcastically]  And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie.

  Rachel : Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there.

  [pause] 

  Rachel : And I was thinking Claire Danes.

• Rachel : [walking out of the bathroom]  Mon, I'm gonna to check my messages.

  Chandler : And you thought of that in there?

  Monica : Well, nature called and she wanted to see who else did.

• [Rachel is trying to stall Monica from getting ready] 

  Rachel : I'll just become a lesbian

  Monica : Any woman would be lucky to have you

• [after Joey told Rachel he loved her, she told him her boss wanted to buy her baby in order to make things less awkward] 

  Rachel : Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things...

  Joey : I know. I know.

  Rachel : It kinda worked. I mean you know, I don't know about you but I haven't thought about our thing since all this.

  Joey : Hey you're right. Yeah, it's kinda been like us again a little bit.

  Rachel : Yeah I know. I miss that.

  Joey : Me too. I mean I... haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward.

  [long, awkward pause] 

  Rachel : My gynecologist tried to kill me.

• Rachel : Ok, Joey, we'll do it one more time. Don't forget the rules -heads I win, tails you lose.

  Joey : Just flip the coin!

• Phoebe : Today is Mike and my one year anniversary.

  Rachel : Oh! What's it the anniversary of? Your first date? Your first kiss? The first time you had sex?

  Phoebe : Yeah!

• Chandler : Can you see my nipples through this shirt?

  Rachel : No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there.

• Rachel : I've never asked a guy out before.

  Phoebe : You've never asked a guy out?

  Rachel : No. Have you?

  Phoebe : Thousands of times. That doesn't make me sound too good, does it?

• [Everyone is eating dinner at a fancy restaurant. Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel don't want to order something expensive because they can't afford it] 

  Rachel : I will have the uh,

  [whispers] 

  Rachel : side salad.

  Waiter : [whispers]  And what will that be on the side of?

  Rachel : Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?

• Rachel : How do we end up with these jerks? We're good people.

  Monica : Maybe we're like some kind of magnets.

  Phoebe : I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.

  Monica : There's more beer right?

• Rachel : Ooh, I'm a man. Ooh, I have a penis. Ooh, I have to win money to exert my power over women.

• Rachel : I mean, is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?

  Joey : Yeah sure. Well, you know earlier she was talking about geography.

  Monica : Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in.

  Joey : Well, I think we all learned something.

• Rachel : Didn't the chick and the duck di...

  Phoebe : -ve, dive. Yeah, they dove. Head first into fun on the farm.

• Rachel : [looking sad after finding out Joey's girlfriend, Kristin was just a loner, not looking for a serious relationship, when Rachel and Phoebe wanted their realtionship to work]  Well, I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here after all.

  Phoebe : No, just another regular flying dwarf.

• [Ross is about to tell Rachel that he loves her before she leaves for Paris, but Gunther walks up to her first] 

  Gunther : I... I know you're leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you. I love you. I... I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I thought you should know.

  Rachel : Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.

  [kisses him on the cheek] 

• Rachel : Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.

  Joey : [pause]  ... Are we still talking about sex?

• Rachel : You don't just flit off to Vermont as soon as you meet someone.

  Monica : You flitted off to Vail as soon as you met Barry.

  Rachel : For once, could you not just remember every little thing?

• [talking about engagement presents for Monica and Chandler] 

  Rachel : Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players.

  Monica : Oh, I already have one.

  Phoebe : Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.

  Rachel : Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey.

• Jill Green : All right, I'm leaving. Because I'm not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. That's you Rachel.

  Rachel : Yeah, I got that.

• [At a soap opera awards show, Joey accepted an award on an absent actress' behalf] 

  Rachel : Joey, you can't steal an award.

  Joey : I'm not stealing it. I'm accepting it on her behalf.

  Rachel : You don't even know what behalf means.

  Joey : I know what it means. It's a verb. As in, I behalfing it.

• Rachel : [upon receiving her first paycheck]  Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money?

• Rachel : How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?

• Rachel : You gotta come with me!

  Phoebe : Come where?

  Rachel : Wherever I go! Come on! You and me. We'll... we'll start a new group! We're the best ones!

  Phoebe : Okay, but try and get Joey, too.

• Chandler : What are you guys like a gang or something?

  [Joey whispers to Rachel] 

  Joey : Yeah, we are.

  [Rachel whispers to Joey] 

  Rachel : We're the Cobras.

• Joey : Do you practice losing at the Grammys too?

  Rachel : No, at the Grammys, I always win.

• Monica : I am so jealous.

  Rachel : You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?

  Chandler : Yes... Right where?

  Monica : The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking...

  Chandler : Yeah you gotta love the talking.

  Monica : And the sex?

  Chandler : Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level.

  Rachel : Oh, chandler, that is so nice.

  Ross : That is really nice... Lying! No way is that the reason.

  Rachel : Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?

  Chandler : He's right. I'm totally lying.

  Monica : Then what is it?

  Chandler : Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.

  Ross : And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?

  Chandler : No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him.

  Ross : I was going for the metaphor.

  Chandler : Yes and I was saying the actual words.

  Monica : Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed.

  Chandler : We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot.

  Monica : With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love.

  Chandler : Yeah?

  Ross : Just go for it Chandler.

  Monica , Rachel : Yeah you should.

  Chandler : All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys.

• Rachel : You don't want to try things too fast. You know what happened to the girl who tried things too fast?

  Jill Green : No. What?

  Rachel : Well... she died.

• Rachel : Cool. "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."

• Rachel : Are you sure that on some level you don't want to take off my bra?

  Joey : I don't have another level!

• Rachel : God, this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride.

  [shows Phoebe the picture] 

  Rachel : And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman.

• Monica : [about the erogenous zones]  Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp.

  Chandler : That-that's bad?

  Rachel : Well if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Materhorn.

  Chandler : Well you might if it were anything like 7.

• [after having sex with Rachel's boss] 

  Rachel : You promised you would break up with her.

  Chandler : I did break up with her. She just took it really, really well.

• Rachel : Thank you for my beautiful earrings, they're perfect. I love you.

  Ross : Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, okay?

  Rachel : Now I love you even more.

• Rachel : So are things between you and Joey getting any better?

  Chandler : It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me.

  Rachel : Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?

  Ross : Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?

  Rachel : You shouldn't.

• [Ross is wearing a white suit] 

  Monica : I like it even better on you than on Colonel Sanders.

  Ross : Look, I just came here to tell you guys something.

  Rachel : Oh. Was it how you invented the cotton gin?

• Chandler : Where is Ross at? Hasn't he checked out yet?

  Monica : Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early.

  Rachel : Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out... Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had!

  Phoebe : Ohhhhhhh!

  Rachel : That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end.

  Phoebe : Yeah that'll kill it.

• Tommy : So, you work at Bloomindales... My mom calls it Bloomies.

  Rachel : Yeah, ok, At ease soldier.

• Rachel : Do you know the only person who'd wanna listen to this? A mental health professional. And that's only because they get paid a hundred dollars an hour.

• Rachel : I've never been to an analyst!

  Phoebe : And it shows.

• Phoebe : It's raining. I don't like to fly in the rain.

  Joey : Oh, I'm going to go for a walk in the rain.

  Rachel : Oh... me too!

  Phoebe : Huh! I bet they're doing it!

• Rachel : You always have to be right.

  Ross : I do not always- I'm not doing this.

  Rachel : Jurassic Park could happen.

  Ross : [gives up] 

• Rachel : Yes, Phoebe, but Jack gave up a Cow, and I gave up an Orthodontist!

  Phoebe : Did you love him?

  Rachel : No.

  Phoebe : Well, there you go, Jack loved the Cow.

• Ross : [Very drunk in Vegas]  It's Joey, I love Joey!

  Rachel : Joey lives with a duck!

• Rachel : [after winning a hand of poker. sing-song to Ross]  I have got your money, and you'll never see it, and your fly's still open

  [pause] 

  Rachel : ha, I made you look.

• Ross : All right, I'll tell you why you're a bad driver. You're fast and irresponsible.

  Rachel : Well, excuse me but in high school that made me head cheerleader.

• Rachel : Come on. You guys can pee standing up.

• Chandler : Rachel, it's the Visa card people.

  Rachel : Oh, okay. Will you take my place?

  Chandler : All right.

  [on phone] 

  Chandler : Yes, this is Rachel.

• Rachel : [Phoebe's "sold out" at a corporate massage parlour]  Of course I admire you Phoebe! You have principles! I don't have any.

• Monica : I use my breasts to get people's attention!

  Rachel : We both do that!

• Joshua Burgin : Oh God, that Special Bond again!

  Rachel : Well...

  Joshua Burgin : Do you have a brother?

  Rachel : No, but one of my sisters had a very... masculine energy.

  Joshua Burgin : And how did you get on?

  Rachel : Oh, I don't talk to them, they're not very nice people.

• Rachel : Does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?

  Phoebe : I don't know, you might be the first one.

• Monica : [as the movers are moving a dresser out of the bedroom]  Careful with that, it was my Grandmother's. Be careful.

  [Two more movers are moving the giant white dog statue from the balcony] 

  Monica : If that falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the worst thing.

  [She hands the one mover some money] 

  Ross : [Looking around the now empty apartment]  Wow.

  Rachel : I know. Seems smaller, somehow.

  Joey : Has it always been purple?

  Chandler : [to the babies]  Look around, you guys. This was your first home... and it was a happy place filled with love and laughter. But, more importantly, 'cause of rent control, it was a friggin' steal.

  Phoebe : Hey, do you realize that at one time or another, we all lived in this apartment?

  Monica : Oh yeah, that's true.

  Ross : Uh, I haven't.

  Monica : No, what about the Summer during college that you lived with Grandma? And you tried to make it as a dancer.

  Ross : [as everyone awkwardly stares at him]  Do you realize we almost made it 10 years without that coming up?

  Monica : [to Chandler]  Oh, Honey, I promised Treeger that we'd leave our keys.

  Chandler : Oh, okay.

  [as Monica and Chandler take their keys out of their pockets and place them on the kitchen counter, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey, also, take out their keys to Monica's apartment and place them on the kitchen counter] 

  Phoebe : I guess this is it.

  Joey : Yeah... I guess so.

  Monica : [Crying]  This is harder than I thought it would be.

  [Chandler kisses Monica on her head, then hugs her, as Ross does the same to Rachel, whom is also crying, with Ross also hugging Monica, while still hugging Rachel, with Phoebe crying as well] 

  Rachel : What, do you guys have to move to the new house right away or do you have some time?

  Monica : [Monica and Chandler look at each other, with Chandler nodding in agreement]  We got some time.

  Rachel : Okay, should we get some coffee?

  Chandler : Sure.

  [They begin walking towards the front door to exit the apartment] 

  Chandler : Where?

  [They group is then seen in the hallway, coming out of the apartment, walking to the stairway, as the camera pans Monica's now-empty apartment, panning from the balcony window into the kitchen, past the refrigerator, to the front door, and finally zooms in on the front door's peephole, which is still surrounded by the yellow picture frame] 

• Rachel : [Referring to Ross's new girlfriend]  Ooh look, she's touching his leg.

  Phoebe : Oh you see, that's probably nothing she's very sexually aggressive.

• [When one of Ross' male students claims to be in love with him] 

  Ross : I mean, last year Elizabeth now-now this kid. What-what-what-what is it? Am I giving out some kind of... sexy professor vibe?

  Rachel : Not right now.

• Ross : Okay, there you go.

  Rachel : Sure. Sure, I'll just sit next to the... transsexual from purchasing.

• Rachel : Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you.

  Mark : Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!

  Rachel : Sorry.

  Mark : Okay. I'll just go home and get back at him by myself.

• Rachel : Ever since I was humiliated, I've not been in a very museum-benefitty sort of place.

• Monica : [trying to persuade Phoebe to live with Rachel]  Did you know she has like a hundred pairs of shoes, and she'll let you borrow them?

  Rachel : Yeah, and then you stretch them out with your big ol' clown feet...

  Monica : You want to sleep outside, 'cos it's getting cold!

• Rachel : You just grabbed some insane woman at the Coffee House?

  Ross : None of the Sane ones wanted to come back with me!

• Rachel : Oh my God, he Dream Cheated on you!

• Rachel : Bye Ben! And what did we agree?

  Ben : You were not on a break.

• Ross : So I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out but my monkey is OUT OF CONTROL!... He keeps erasing the messages on my machine!

  Rachel : Oh yeah... I've done that

  Ross : And a few days ago he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword!

  Rachel : I've never done that

  Ross : And last night I don't know what he did but there were capers EVERYWHERE!

• Rachel : [goes crosseyed]  Wow, must have been Drake.

• Rachel : Come on, Monica! They are Cute Doctors.

  [gesture] 

  Rachel : Doctors who are

  [gesture] 

  Rachel : Cute!

  Chandler : So what have we learned so far? Rachel, what's all this about you and Doctors? I mean, was your Father a Doctor?

  Rachel : ...Yes.

• Rachel : Aw, this is a present from my boyfriend. It's a Love Bug, ha!

• Rachel : I'm tired of getting clobbered.

• Rachel : I can't go alone to my own Prom, it's too harsh!

• Rachel : [an American]  I've got something that's going to make you hap-py!

  [replacement bracelet] 

• Rachel : Oh, who are you, the Memory Woman?

• Rachel : Oh, could you please, for once, just not remember every little thing?

• Rachel : Okay, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.

• Rachel : I'm okay. I've got my girls.

• Monica : We need a distraction. Now you go in there, and you do whatever it is you do that makes Ross go "Reeeee!"

  Rachel : Or...

• Rachel : You know, when it's not a headboard it's not worth it!

• Rachel : Well, I don't know all the words!

• Rachel : You really think I didn't say "goodbye" because I don't care?

  Ross : That's what it seemed like.

  Rachel : I cannot believe that after ten years, you do not know *one* thing about me.

  Ross : Fine. Then why didn't you say something?

  Rachel : Because it is too damn hard, Ross! I cannot even begin to explain to you how much I am going to miss you! When I think about not seeing you everyday, it makes me not want to go! Okay? So if you think that, that I didn't say "goodbye" to you because you don't mean as much to me as everyone else, you're wrong. It's because you mean *more* to me. So there! All right? *There's* your goodbye!

  Ross : Rach!

  Rachel : What?

  Ross : You ca - ! You keep - ! You can't - !

  Rachel : What?

  [Ross kisses her] 

• Rachel : You've learned some new moves!

  Ross : Yeah, well, this guy at work gave me "Sex for Dummies" as a joke. Who's laughing now?

  Rachel : I am.

• Monica : [about Richard]  He happens to be one of the brightest, most sophisticated sexiest men I've even been with.

  Ross : Dr. Burke is sexy?

  Rachel , Phoebe : Oh, God! Absolutely!

• Chandler , Ross : Hi.

  Rachel : What's the matter with you?

  Chandler : Some mean guys at the coffeehouse took my hat!

  Rachel : No?

  Joey : You're kiddin'?

  Ross : It was ridiculous. These guys, they were bullies, actual bullies. We're grown ups, this kinda stuff isn't supposed to happen anymore.

  Rachel : Oh, hi.

  Ross : Hi.

  [they both hug] 

  Chandler : Oh...

  [he turns as if to hug someone] 

  Chandler : Oh no, wait a minute, I have no one.

• Rachel : What are you doing?

  Chandler : I'm going to College, and I'm in a Band!

  Rachel : Sure, okay.

• Rachel : I thought I would catch up on my Correspondence.