Wayne's World 2 (1993)
Dana Carvey: Garth Algar
Photos
Quotes
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Honey Horne : So Garth, would you like to have dinner some night?
Garth : Oh, I like to have dinner every night.
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Garth : How can you sleep like that?
Del Preston : Listen, sonny Jim. Sleeping like this will add ten years to your life. I learned it from Keith Richards when I toured with the Stones. This may be the reason why Keith cannot be killed by conventional weapons.
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Honey Horne : I'm going to be frank.
Garth : OK. Can I still be Garth?
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Jerry Segel : What? Is something wrong?
Wayne : What do you mean?
Jerry Segel : It's my eye, isn't it.
Garth : Why would we want to look at your eye? Is there something wrong with that... weird... eye?
Jerry Segel : There's nothing wrong with my eye. This one just has no pigment. I'm what you call a partial ocular albino, but I'm fine with it. I have perfect 20/20 vision with both eyes. You're serious about putting on a rock concert?
Wayne : Are you kidding? I'd give my right eye.
Jerry Segel : You realise there are certain jurisdictions you'll need to follow.
Garth : I'd like to think I have an eye for details.
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Honey Horne : I'll bet you like to be in control. Tell me.
Garth : Well, um, when I was 17, my little sister tried to borrow my Def Leppard record. I said, "No way!".
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Wayne , Garth : We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
Steven Tyler : You're worthy, you're worthy. Get up!
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Garth : Nice to meet you, Miss Horny.
Honey Horne : That's *Horné*. It's French.
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Del Preston : Did he have a naked Indian?
Wayne : Yes.
Garth : Wow.
Del Preston : I have to ask, didn't you think it was a trifle unnecessary to see the crack in the indians bottom.
Wayne : Yes, absolutely
Del Preston : I had the same dream.
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Del Preston : Woodstock? That was quite a show, man.
Garth : You were at Woodstock?
Wayne : Excellent! What was it like?
Del Preston : It rained all morning, and then it cleared up in the afternoon. And that's it, I almost remembered something else, but it's gone.
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Wayne : Okay, you've probably already noticed by now that we're on a little early tonight.
Garth : Usually at this time on Aurora cable, you're watching "Plant World".
Wayne : But they didn't want our 10:30 time slot. But we were able to talk "Plant World" into changing with "Cooking World".
Garth : Although they didn't want to change at first.
Wayne : But fortunately, "White Supremacy World" was cancelled, and all the trades worked out
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Del Preston : Alright, ladies and gentlemen. It takes two people to run a concert: one back stage, and one out front. One man alone cannot do this. Wayne, you will run the backstage team. Milton, you are my liaison between Wayne's backstage team and Garth's front-stage team which includes myself in the booth. To the left and right of the stage are machine-gun pillboxes, M-60 Browning. Now these babies tend to heat up so shoot in 3 second bursts. In the event of capture I will personally distribute these cyanide capsules to be placed under the tongue like so.
[Places a capsule in his mouth]
Del Preston : Any questions?
Garth : Yes, I have a question. When did you turn into a nutbar?
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Honey Horne : Take me, Garth!
Garth : Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.
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Garth : A *sphincter* says *what?*
Bobby Cahn : ...I'm supposed to say what... like I don't get it right?
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Wayne : Excuse me, what are you guys doing here in the middle of the street?
Chicken-man : Well, I'm putting these chickens in crates, and stacking them right here. Jim's job is to make sure we always have plenty of watermelons.
Wayne : Oh, so you're selling watermelons.
Jim : No, no sir. We just have to make sure we have plenty of them stacked at all times, just like with these here chickens.
Garth : What do these guys do?
Chicken-man : Well, their job is to walk back and forth with this big plate-glass window every couple of minutes.
Garth : Weird.
Wayne : Yeah, you've got to wonder if this is gonna pay off later on.
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Honey Horne : Take me, Garth.
Garth : Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.
Honey Horne : I am gonna be frank.
Garth : Okay. Can I still be Garth?
Honey Horne : Shut up and kiss me!
Garth : [Honey pulls Garth towards her and kisses him. Garth is floating in the air. Honey lets go of Garth and Garth drops and hits the floor hard. Honey picks up Garth and carries him in her arms and carries him into the bedroom to have sex] Can I have some cocoa later?
[Garth hits his head and groans]
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[Garth takes a sip from a glass of liquor and spits it out]
Garth : This Coke's gone bad.
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Garth : Ok, we've had some word that there is some bad red rope licorice circulating in the crowd. Please stay away from the red rope licorice. Do not bite any off or chew it. It could cause a dental emergency...
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Garth : [the morning after Honey seduces Garth. Garth comes out of the bathroom holding a smoking pipe. He speaks with a posh British accent] Good morning, Darling! I trust you slept well? I hope I wasn't too much of an animal?
Honey Horne : [Honey wearing a white night dress raises her arms and holds grapes in her right hand] Come. Hold me.
Garth : You know I will.
[Garth puffs on his smoking pipe and blows bubbles]
Garth : Party on!
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Garth : Wow. Look at this scrapbook.
Wayne : Wow!
Garth : That's you with Led Zeppelin.
Del Preston : Yeh. My old lady put that together. We must've toured every concert hall and venue in America. Me, my old lady, and the road.
Wayne : Is that you and Bob Dylan? Who's that old lady?
Del Preston : That's my old lady.
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Wayne : You're not really listening to me, are you?
Handsome Dan : Uh-huh.
Wayne : I mean I could say anything right now like "You're a complete tool".
Handsome Dan : Mmm-hmm.
Garth : But you wouldn't hear it cause... you're a freak with a microphone.
Handsome Dan : Uh-huh.
Wayne : It's not even challenging anymore. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Isn't that true, sphincter boy?
Handsome Dan : Uh-huh. What? Oh! Hahaha! They're getting closer all the time. Alright, good information about Waynestock, very exciting. We'll be back with more right after PIG Sports. Right now, it's sixteen minutes past the big hour. Isn't that right, Mr. Scream?
Mr. Scream : Heeeeeeeey ha-haaaaaaaaaah!
Handsome Dan : Great. Good stuff. I think people are getting really cranked.
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Garth : Uh, Wayne, you know, I don't think you should mention that Jim Morrison thing anymore. It's just that people have started to talk, you know. They're saying things like, "Hey, there goes Garth and his friend Wayne... the psychopath."
