Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)

Matthew Lawrence: Chris Hillard

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lydie : Freeze, or you're gonna get it.

  Chris : In the balls.

  Lydie : Yeah.

  [pause] 

  Lydie : She's got 'em?

  Chris : She's got everything.

  Daniel : [as Mrs. Doubtfire; in his own voice]  All right. Listen to me. I'm not... who you think I am.

  Chris : Yeah, no shit.

  Daniel : Watch your mouth, young man.

• Chris : You don't really like wearin' that stuff, do you, Dad?

  Daniel : [as Daniel]  Well, some of it's comfortable. No! It's a pain in the padded ass!

• [after seeing "Mrs. Doubtfire" peeing while standing up] 

  Chris : Lydia! We gotta call the cops! We gotta dial 911 now!

  Lydie : Why?

  Chris : [stammering]  Mrs. Doubtfire! He's a she! She's a he! He's a she-she.

  Lydie : What?

  Chris : He's half-man, half-woman.

  Lydie : [screams]  WHAT?

• Daniel : I got off early.

  Lydie : You mean you got fired?

  Daniel : No, I quit. For reasons of conscience.

  Lydie : Actors.

  Daniel : [to Chris]  Hey, dude! Congratulations on your twelfth birthday, all right! Got a surprise for you!

  Chris : Ooh, a stripper?

  Daniel : No, please!

  Chris : Two strippers?

  Daniel : Haw, boy!

• Daniel Hillard : [Deleted scene]  We need to talk.

  Miranda Hillard : I can't talk to you dressed like that.

  Daniel Hillard : I'll change. May I come in?

  [as she lets him in] 

  Daniel Hillard : Thanks.

  Daniel Hillard : [Arguing]  Listen, I'm sorry, but you gotta understand something, okay? Listen to me, please...

  Miranda Hillard : You sat there while I served you tea.

  Daniel Hillard : Yeah...

  Miranda Hillard : You encouraged me to talk openly about our marriage. You, you took money to sneak around this house uninvited.

  Daniel Hillard : The money always came back, didn't it? It was a job that needed to be done because you sure as Hell didn't do it very well and I did it great. And you told me 100 times, as Mrs. Doubtfire, I was wonderful. And I would've done it as myself for nothing, but you wouldn't let me do it.

  Miranda Hillard : There are no excuses. I cannot forgive you ever.

  Daniel Hillard : I did it because I just wanted to be with the kids.

  Miranda Hillard : You lied to the kids.

  Daniel Hillard : I never lied to the kids, okay?

  Miranda Hillard : What do you mean?

  Daniel Hillard : They found out.

  Miranda Hillard : They knew?

  Daniel Hillard : Yes.

  Miranda Hillard : How dare you.

  Daniel Hillard : Oh, don't.

  Miranda Hillard : How dare you to encourage them to deceive me.

  Daniel Hillard : Don't you get it? You're the reason for the whole deceit 'cause you're trying to throw away years of being together. You're just trying to erase it like it doesn't exist. You're trying to destroy the fact that we're a family.

  Miranda Hillard : This family doesn't work.

  Daniel Hillard : Oh, it'd work if you'd let it work.

  Miranda Hillard : You're harmful to be in this family than it is for them to be in a divorced family. That they can adjust to.

  Daniel Hillard : No, they can't adjust to that. I'm their Father, they love me.

  Miranda Hillard : I'm their Mother, they love me.

  Lydia Hillard : I hate you both.

  Chris Hillard : Me, too.

  Miranda Hillard : Please leave, Daniel, please, please.

  Daniel Hillard : I'm going.