- Josh Whitney: Dad can I be excused?
- Thom: For God's sake, Josh, clean your plate!
- [Josh stands up and scoops all the food off his plate]
- Josh Whitney: Is that clean enough?
- Thom: Go to your room.
- Josh Whitney: You're *in* my damn room!
- Delivery Man: [Italian accent] Now de credit card, Jean Pierre LaTorette?
- Josh Whitney: Yeah, he's out in the field going to the bathroom. Yeah, he's out there in the field with diarrhea.
- Delivery Man: Diarrhea?
- Josh Whitney: Diarrhea.
- Deliver Man: That's nice.
- Josh Whitney: You know, Sam, I didn't want to mention this with Mom around but I know a place where all kids who have to repeat a grade get together. It's way beyond the Bluffs, high above the Pacific Coast highway.
- Sam Whitney: What do they do there?
- Josh Whitney: Jump off.
- Derek Baxter: I knew it!
- Josh Whitney: Knew what Mr. Baxter?
- Derek Baxter: Don't call me that, Josh, call me Dad.
- Derek Baxter: There's this one thing I want to ask you Josh?, What day were you born on?
- Josh Whitney: umm... uh... June 17th
- Derek Baxter: That's uh, nine months back, that's the night we beat Carling, that's perfect... woo-hoo... that's homecoming night, I knew it!
- Josh Whitney: Knew what Mr. Baxter?
- Derek Baxter: Don't call me that... (blushes)... Call me Dad!
- Josh Whitney: Doesn't it make you feel sad inside?
- Sam Whitney: Genetically altered inside. I'm all metal and wires. It's cold. I don't feel things the way you do.
- Curtis: Did Josh really kill a guy?
- Sam Whitney: Dad is trying to cover for him, but I saw him. He beat him over the head with a pool stick he was so mad.
- Leon: What was he so mad about?
- Sam Whitney: The guy called him a homo.
- Sam Whitney: You're not my brother anymore!
- Josh Whitney: What?
- Sam Whitney: I just decided it, the same way Dad isn't Mom's Husband anymore
- Josh Whitney: You must be dumber than Dad's stepsons, you can't divorce me
- Sam Whitney: uh-huh, he can take you away like he took the lawn mower and the barbeque
- Josh Whitney: Doesn't matter, i'd still be your brother wherever I was , evwn if I was a thousand million miles away!
- Sam Whitney: I wish you were!
- Josh Whitney: I just saw Jean Pierre on 60 Minutes confessing everything. He was in the shadows but I could tell by those big lips of his.
- [Sam hurls a pool ball, hitting Derek]
- Sam Whitney: It worked, Josh, my aim is activated!
- Derek Baxter: You little shit!
- [last lines]
- Sam Whitney: Last night, Dad left his safe open and there was a file inside.
- Josh Whitney: So?
- Sam Whitney: It was about you.
- Josh Whitney: I made it all up.
- Alison: Even the Liberty Maid?
- Josh Whitney: Yes, I got your hair and red hat off a juice box.
- Alison: Lord almighty, I've met my maker.
- [after Josh tells Sam to bite on a piece of tin foil]
- Sam Whitney: OW!
- Josh Whitney: Oh God, Sam, you're activated.
- Josh Whitney: Dad is sending you off to fight a war just to he can send the buttholes to football camp.
- Jean-Pierre LaTorette: [answers the phone] Hello, Jean-Pierre here.
- Josh Whitney: [in a deep voice] Uh, Caroline Whitney, please.
- Jean-Pierre LaTorette: I'm sorry, my wife cannot come to the phone right now.
- Josh Whitney: [in regular voice] Your wife?
- Josh Whitney: I just discovered something really bad that I have to tell you about.
- Sam Whitney: I already know you're a homo.
- [Derek sees a picture of the family in the house Josh broke into]
- Derek Baxter: That's Michelle and who's this guy?
- Josh Whitney: I don't know, but listen Dad. Maybe you can teach me to play pool or something.
- Derek Baxter: Don't you call me that. The others, they put you up to this?, Didn't they?
- Josh Whitney: No, I made it up myself. I'm sorry!
- Derek Baxter: [angrily] I should have known you weren't mine you scrawny little rat.
- Derek Baxter: I'm driving you boys to get a big juicy steak and some of those big French Fries, what do you say about that?
- Sam Whitney: I think I want to go to Canada!