- Deborah Fifer: Do you really hate this dress?
- Nick Fifer: What I really hate is this jacket, this white jacket. I look like a Brazilian gigolo.
- Nick Fifer: Your constant interrupting of me...
- Deborah Fifer: Please! In sixteen years, I've never finished a sentence.
- [Deborah wants to give Nick his Christmas present]
- Deborah Fifer: I have something to get you out of your midlife crisis.
- Nick Fifer: That can only mean a full-body vibrator!
- [Nick's given Deborah a family photo with an antique frame]
- Nick Fifer: I had to have it engraved, because I could never remember your name.
- [On an affair Nick had]
- Nick Fifer: I liked her. I loved the sex.
- Deborah Fifer: [scornful] Oh. So, you LOVE me, but you only LIKE the sex.
- Deborah Fifer: How about those two beautiful creatures? Think you can handle them?
- Nick Fifer: Handle them? I can salivate over them.
- Deborah Fifer: I betrayed you? You betrayed me! What about your seven month adventure with a girl named Ed?
- [Last lines]
- Nick Fifer: [defensive] Am I the kind of guy who loses his temper?
- Deborah Fifer: Please! You smashed the mime in the jaw!
- Nick Fifer: [defensive] I gave him 100 bucks...