George Kennedy: Ed Hocken
Photos
Quotes
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Lt. Frank Drebin : Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane Spencer : He's Caucasian.
Ed Hocken : Caucasian?
Jane Spencer : Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Awfully big moustache.
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Lt. Frank Drebin : That's the red light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging out down there.
Captain Ed Hocken : Sex, Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin : Uh... no, not right now, Ed. We've got work to do.
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Lt. Frank Drebin : [12:01]
[describing Jane; voice-over]
Lt. Frank Drebin : I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say... "Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
Ed Hocken : Frank, snap out of it! You're looking at her like she was your mother for Christ's sake!
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Lt. Frank Drebin : Congratulations, Ed! I hear Edna's pregnant again.
Ed Hocken : Yeah, and when I find the guy that did it...
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Dr. Meinheimer : [the entire audience is asleep] Now, to elaborate on point 102...
Ed Hocken : [hands him a book called "Strokin' The Love Muffin"] Here! Read this, it's an emergency.
Dr. Meinheimer : [starts reading] "His strong manly hands probed every crevice of her silken femininity, their undulating bodies writhing in sensual rhythm, as he thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding."
[audience slowly wakes up]
Nordberg : All right, listen up everyone! I want you to calmly file towards the exits. That's it, that's it! Nobody runs, just walk. Single file. That's it. Now if we just stay calm, no one's gonna be harmed by the huge bomb that's gonna explode any minute.
[audience panics and runs everywhere]
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Lt. Frank Drebin : You know, sometimes I envy you and Edna. You have the same person every day for over 30 years. You wake up, eat with her, sleep with her. Make love to the same woman.
[Ed looks increasingly disgusted as Frank goes on]
Lt. Frank Drebin : You spend every possible waking moment together, while I'm out running around with a bunch of 20-year-olds who only want a good time and cheap sex sex sex. Girls who can't say no. Girls who can't get enough. "More, more, more. It's your turn now to wear the handcuffs... "
[Ed starts foaming at the mouth... literally]
Lt. Frank Drebin : I just want love, Ed.
Ed Hocken : I'm sure you'll... find love, Frank.
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Terence Baggett : [sniffs] What's that smell?
Lt. Frank Drebin : Oh, that would be me. I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it.
[louder]
Lt. Frank Drebin : I love it!
Ed Hocken : [in a van, listening to Drebin] That's the signal, let's go!
[Hocken and his men try to open the van's back doors but they can't because it's been parked right next to a telephone pole]
Quentin Hapsburg : Search him.
[a henchman starts patting Drebin down]
Lt. Frank Drebin : I love it!
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Lt. Frank Drebin : Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken : Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg : I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin : No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken : He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg : Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin : North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
Ed Hocken : You sure know your boxing.
Lt. Frank Drebin : All I know is never bet on the white guy.
[Nordberg nods in agreement]
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Lt. Frank Drebin : [Waiter at Blue Note hands him a drink] I've got one already.
Waiter : It's from the lady.
[Frank looks up. Jane waves at him from across the room]
Ed Hocken : [Frank looks reluctant] Go to her, Frank. Go onnn. I'll see you in the morning.
Lt. Frank Drebin : [Sitting down again after making his way across the room] This is not easy for me to say. I'm lonely, I'm lost, I just want someone to hold, to love.
Jane Spencer : [Interrupting him from a nearby table] Frank... over here.
[Frank looks up and discovers that the table occupied by a man. The man looks at him tersely]
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Ed Hocken : [as Savage is surrounded] All right, Savage! What do you want?
Hector Savage : I want a car out front! Something fun. A Porsche! Then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica. And I want a nice hotel. No touristy place. Something really indicative of the people and their culture.
Ed Hocken : Can't do that, Savage! We're calling your bluff! Now put your hands on top of your head and come out!
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Lt. Frank Drebin : [in the aftermath of a bombing] Any witnesses, Ed?
Ed Hocken : Well, just one. A woman. She saw a man leaving just before the explosion. Maybe we should let Nordberg handle this one.
Lt. Frank Drebin : No, I'd better do it while it's still fresh.
Ed Hocken : Well, not now, Frank. She fainted dead away. She took a nasty knock on the head. She looks pretty bad.
Lt. Frank Drebin : I'll handle it.
[approaching a Quasimodo-ish humpbacked woman]
Lt. Frank Drebin : Excuse me, miss. I'd like to ask you a few questions.
Ed Hocken : Uh, Frank, not that bad.
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Jane Spencer : Look, Frank, I-I... I know this is awkward, but you're not still obsessed with our relationship, are you?
Lt. Frank Drebin : Obsessed? Who's obsessed? Just because you backed out of the wedding two years ago? I've forgotten all about it. It's ancient history, like the Democratic Party.
Ed Hocken : Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin : He was in tears in church. Crying like a baby.
Ed Hocken : Uh, Frank, get a hold of yourself.
Lt. Frank Drebin : I had to return 13 Cuisinarts.
Ed Hocken : That's enough, Frank, really.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Kept the salad shooter, though.
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Ed Hocken : There is a fraud in this room, but it's this man.
[Nordberg leads the restrained Hacker on stage]
Ed Hocken : And he's just given us this signed confession implicating that man!
[a number of men in the audience stand and draw guns, grabbing women as hostages]
Ed Hocken : No, no. No. *That* man: Quentin Hapsburg.
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Captain Ed Hocken : [staking out one of Hapsburg's warehouses] Frank, I'm telling you, we've got no business doing this. All we've got is some dock pass and your hunch.
Lt. Frank Drebin : You mark my words, Ed, that Hapsburg is up to something, right up to his pretty, imported shirt collar.
[getting into a scuba wetsuit]
Lt. Frank Drebin : Couldn't have picked a better day for it. This fog'll keep us concealed all the way over to Hapsburg's warehouse.
Captain Ed Hocken : That's not fog, Frank. The number two engine's on fire. They're trying to put it out.
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Ed Hocken : Now, Jane, about this man you saw last night... anything can help.
Jane Spencer : Yes, I-I gave the sketch artist a description.
Lt. Frank Drebin : [seeing the artist drew Jane instead] Uh... Ed? That'll be all, McTigue.
[showing the sketch to Ed]
Lt. Frank Drebin : Why don't we get that other artist, you know, the one who never dates? Lives with those two guys?
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Ed Hocken : You're still thinking about Jane, aren't you?
Lt. Frank Drebin : She's part of my life, Ed. Always will be. I think about her constantly. But it's done. Minute I heard her say "get out of my life forever," I knew it was over.
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Nordberg : They just finished searching the building. Now, there's no sign of a break-in and there's no money missing.
Ed Hocken : Huh.
Nordberg : Man, this was one hell of an explosion. Still trying to figure out what they used.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Any other victims?
Ed Hocken : Uh, you're standing on one right now, Frank.
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Captain Ed Hocken : [disguised as a mariachi band] Frank, I think we'd better make our move.
Lt. Frank Drebin : You're right, Ed. I'm thinking of something a little more up-tempo, like "Guantanamera."
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Lt. Frank Drebin : Ed, is it just my imagination or is the whole world crazy?
Ed Hocken : No, it's just a small percentage of the population.
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Lt. Frank Drebin : I told Jane to meet us at the hotel's rear entrance.
Ed Hocken : Where's that, Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin : In the back.
