- Cooper: [Pretending to be a World War II American soldier] You'd better think twice, Fritz! I have a howitzer trained on the door!
- Nurse Wilson: Good Morning, Mr. Cooper
- Cooper: Ah! Comrade! Comrade!
- Nurse Wilson: You better eat this while it's hot.
- Cooper: To do that I'd have to perch on the cart as it left the kitchen.
- [Noticing that Nurse Wilson is making the bed]
- Cooper: I do hope you're tucking those sheets in nice and tight.
- Nurse Wilson: Why?
- Cooper: Well it'd spoil the nightly challenge if I could get into bed easily. By the way, I dreamt about you again last night; you were totally naked.
- Nurse Wilson: Now there's a surprise.
- Cooper: Except.
- Nurse Wilson: Except?
- Cooper: Except for a long strand of pearls gently dangling between your full breasts.
- Nurse Wilson: [chuckles] I don't have full breasts.
- Cooper: Well it was a dream.
- Nurse Wilson: Well I'm not exactly flat chested.
- Cooper: Ohh so I've noticed.
- Nurse Wilson: Why do I waste time with you?
- Cooper: Because I talk of today! Because I talk of beautiful things like your fairly full breasts better than senile ramblings of an age before you were born.
- [Noticing Nurse Wilson bending over]
- Cooper: Wilson, just out of curiosity, how high up do those stockings go?
- Nurse Wilson: I'm wearing pantyhose.
- Cooper: What a shame!
- Nurse Wilson: [Scoffs] You really are a dirty old man!
- Cooper: Why is it that old and dirty have become synonymous? How's your boyfriend?
- Nurse Wilson: Young!
- Cooper: Oooh!
- Nurse Wilson: You gonna eat any of this?
- [referring to the breakfast tray]
- Cooper: Wilson, I can only handle one dish at a time