Willow (1988)

Val Kilmer: Madmartigan

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Willow : What are you doing?

  Madmartigan : I found some blackroot. She loves it.

  Willow : Blackroot? I'm the father of two children, and you never, ever give a baby blackroot.

  Madmartigan : Well my mother raised us on it. It's good for you! It put's hair on your chest, right Sticks?

  Willow : Her name is not Sticks! She's Elora Danan, the future empress of Tir Asleen and the last thing she's gonna want is a hairy chest!

• Madmartigan : Did I really... Did I really say those things, last night, in your tent?

  Sorsha : You said you loved me.

  Madmartigan : I don't remember that.

  Sorsha : You lied to me.

  Madmartigan : No, I... I just wasn't myself last night.

  Sorsha : I suppose my power enchanted you and you were helpless against it.

  Madmartigan : Sort of.

  Sorsha : Then what?

  Madmartigan : It... went away.

  Sorsha : Went away? "I dwell in darkness without you" and it *went away*?

• Willow : See this acorn? I'll throw it at you and turn you to stone!

  Madmartigan : Ooh, I'm really scared. No! Don't! There's a- a peck here with an acorn pointed at me!

• Sorsha : What are you looking at?

  Madmartigan : Your leg. I'd like to break it.

• Madmartigan : What the hell happened up there?

  Willow : You started spouting poetry. "I love you Sorsha! I worship you Sorsha!" You almost got us killed!

  Madmartigan : "I love you Sorsha?" I don't love her, she kicked me in the face! I hate her... Don't I?

• Llug : Wanna breed?

  Madmartigan : [disguised as Hilda]  Tempting... but no.

• Willow : We need your help!

  Madmartigan : [sarcastically]  My help? Why would you need my help? You're a *sorcerer*.

  Willow : You're a great warrior! And a swordsman!... And you're ten times bigger than I am, stupid!

• Willow : Don't call me a peck!

  Madmartigan : Oh, I'm sorry! Peck! Peck! Peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck!

• [Sorsha takes off her helmet, revealing her face and long hair, after Madmartigan has pushed her away from him when she tries to look under his robe for Elora Danan] 

  Madmartigan : [still disguised as 'Hilda' and speaking in a falsetto]  You're... beautiful.

  Sorsha : And you're very strong.

  Madmartigan : Thank you...

  Sorsha : You're no woman!

  [she rips off Madmartigan's disguise] 

  The Wench : Now, honey...

  Llug : Not a woman?

  The Wench : Easy!

  Madmartigan : Gentlemen...

  Llug : [outraged]  NOT A WOMAN!

  Madmartigan : ...meet Llug.

  [he ducks just as Llug's punch knocks into the soldier holding him] 

• Franjean : Good! Then we go that way, TO THE LAKE!

  Rool : [tapping Franjean's shoulder]  *That* way.

  Franjean : You are drunk! And when you are drunk, you forget that I am in charge!

  Rool : [in unison]  You are in charge. Fine, then which way do we go?

  Franjean , Rool : THAT WAY!

  Madmartigan : Oh, NO! That's the way I'm going! All right, all right, you can follow me as far as the lake. But that's it!

  [beat] 

  Madmartigan : You're not going south, are you?

  Willow : No, no, just as far as the lake.

  Madmartigan : Good.

  [looks at Rool and Franjean] 

  Madmartigan : Mumbo. Juimbo. I am hungry. Go get me some eggs or something.

  Franjean : We are *NOT* afraid of you!

  Madmartigan : NOW!

  Franjean , Rool : [startled them to give Madmartigan eggs] 

• Madmartigan : Wake from this hateful sleep, it deprives me of your beauty, beauty of your eyes.

  [Sorsha wakes up and pulls out a knife at Madmartigan] 

  Sorsha : One move jackass, and you really will be a woman.

  [Sorsha stands up and pushes Madmartigan back] 

  Madmartigan : You are my sun, my moon, my starlit sky, without you, dwell in darkness. I love you.

  Sorsha : What are you doing here?

  Madmartigan : Your power has enchanted me, I stand helpless against it. Come to me now, tonight let me worship you in my arms.

  Sorsha : Get away from me!

  Madmartigan : I love you!

  Sorsha : Stop saying that!

  Madmartigan : I can't stop the beating of my heart, it pounds like never before.

  Sorsha : Out of fear!

  Madmartigan : Out of love.

  Sorsha : I can stop it. I'll kill you!

  Madmartigan : Death makes the lovers trivial thing. Your touch is worth a hundred thousand deaths.

• Madmartigan : What are you going to look like if this works?

  Fin Raziel : Don't interrupt.

  Madmartigan : Sorry.

  Fin Raziel : I'm a young beautiful woman.

  Madmartigan : Concentrate, Willow!

• Willow : What's that?

  Madmartigan : Smells like a battle.

  Willow : I suppose you're a warrior.

  Madmartigan : I am the greatest swordsman that ever lived. Say, um, can I have some of that water?

• [Willow and Madmartigan are freed from their cage. Madmartigan has just been sprayed with a love potion] 

  Willow : Come on, Madmartigan. Let's get Elora Dannan out of here.

  Madmartigan : Yeah. It'll be fun!

• Madmartigan : Let me out of here, Airk. Give me a sword, I'll win this war for you.

  Airk : I still serve Galadorn, remember? You serve no one. Just sit in your coffin and rot.

  [Rides off] 

  Madmartigan : I'll be around long after you're dead! When I get out of here, I'm gonna cut your head off and stick it on a pig pole!

• Madmartigan : [He and Willow have entered a fortress empty, save for petrified beings]  Why did I *listen* to you, Peck? "Everything will be all right once we get to Tir Asleen". Well, the only army around here is the one that will ride across this valley and wipe us out!

  Willow : But Cherlindrea said we'd be safe here!

  Madmartigan : Safe? Look at these people! This place is cursed, Peck. It's falling apart. Open your eyes. And it...

  [Steps in a pile of troll dung] 

  Madmartigan : Trolls!

• Willow : I found a boat. We're all set.

  Madmartigan : Good. Take these two lizards out and drown them.

  Rool : Lizards? Who you calling lizards? Grrr! Grrr! Your mother was a lizard!

• Madmartigan : I love you, Sorsha!

  Sorsha : Stop saying that!

• Willow : Here are her changing rags and her milk bladder.

  Madmartigan : Any milk in there?

  Willow : It's for *her*!

  Madmartigan : I wouldn't steal from a *baby*! You worry too much, Peck.

  Meegosh : It's Willow!

• Madmartigan : [crying]  I guess I am gonna die here. Who cares?

  Willow : [offers him a cup of water]  Here.

  Madmartigan : [Immediately recovering]  Thanks, friend.

  Willow : What's that?

  [Sees a mass of soldiers on horses approaching] 

  Madmartigan : I'd say two or three hundred horses, five or six wagons... and about a thousand fools.

• Willow : Madmartigan, you never, ever drive that fast with an infant!

  Madmartigan : I just saved that infant's life!

• Willow : We found one of your babies in our village. Will you please take care of her?

  Airk : We're going into battle, little ones. Find a woman to take care of her.

  Madmartigan : He thought you *were* a woman, Airk!

• Willow : Burglekutt, you're troll dung!

  Madmartigan : Don't let him talk to you that way, Burglekutt!

• Airk : Ha ha ha! Madmartigan. What'd you do this time?

  Madmartigan : Nothing you wouldn't have done in my place.

  Airk : I always knew you'd end up in a crow's cage.

  Madmartigan : Well, at least I'm not down there herding sheep.

• Madmartigan : Get your hair out of my face or I'll chop it off.

• Madmartigan : That's magic? It smells terrible.

  Willow : It's the life spark. It forms...

  Madmartigan : Well, it stinks! This whole thing stinks!

• Madmartigan : Well, looks like I got you here.

  Franjean : You? What did you do?

  Rool : All you did was hang around and eat our eggs.

• Madmartigan : [about Elora Danan]  She is kinda cute... When she's quiet.

  Willow : She's really a princess.

  Madmartigan : [sarcastically]  Really? And you're a great sorcerer... And I'm the king of Cashmir. Go to sleep, Willow.

• Madmartigan : Let me do that. Get away, rodents!

  Franjean : Take your hand off that! You leave that alone you stupid, fat Daikini!

• Madmartigan : Burglekutt, let me out of here. I'll take care of the baby, I swear. Just let me out of here... Please. Vohnkar, let me borrow that spear just for a minute. Well... Well at least give me some water. Burglekutt, don't leave me alone here with these two! UHH! Well that was really stupid, Peck.

• Madmartigan : Hey, Mumbo. Jumbo. I am hungry. Go get me some eggs or something.

  Franjean : We are not afraid of you!

  Madmartigan : NOW!

  [Franjean and Rool race off] 

• Madmartigan : [looks at Willow while disguising himself as a woman]  You are crawling with Brownies!

  The Wench : [turns to Willow]  UGH, I HATE BROWNIES!

• Willow : [Elora Danan has been captured by General Kael. Willow is wounded and bleeding]  Elora.

  Madmartigan : Willow!

  Willow : Elora's gone!

  Madmartigan : Willow.

  Willow : They've taken her. There's too many of them.

  [Willow breaks down and cries] 

  Madmartigan : Willow. Can you ride? Let's ride.

• Madmartigan : [the army were facing her]  We've come for Elora Danan.

  Bavmorda : You dare to challenge me? You're not warriors. You're pigs!

  [Madmartigan started groaning in pain with transformation while Bavmorda began to chanting incantation. They hear a squeal around it face, when he saw his hands turn to hooves. Airk and the warriors looked at Madmartigan, Sorsha looks at Bavmorda] 

  Bavmorda : You're all pigs!

  [Airk groans in pain] 

  Bavmorda : Pigs! PIGS!

  [Rool and Franjean groaning in pain when transforming the warriors into pigs]