My Chauffeur (1986)

Penn Jillette: Bone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bone : This is the club I hang at. And the problem is I'm going to be walking in with a guy dressed as a waterbed.

• Casey : [to Abdul]  Your Excellency, do you want to wait for your bodyguard?

  Bone : What do you mean? What do I look like? His manicurist? I'M his bodyguard! I'm his American bodyguard. Yeah, he's got a whole bunch of bodyguards out there. Those towlheads out there are his Arabian bodyguards. They protect him from sandstorms comming up in his face, and camel farts which make him nervous. I protect him from... from those guys because there was an artical in Scentific American that these Iranian guys get the sun beatin' on their heads. They come out of the sun and they go ape shit... and kill their superiors, their generals and stuff. I'm here to protect him from them.

  Casey : Is that all right, your Excellency?

  Bone : Of course it's all right! I'm his bodyguard. I'm Bone and this is... what's your name?

  [Abdul does not respond] 

  Bone : Fine. Let's call him Abdul. Let's just drive. Lady, just drive.

• Bone : Okay ladies, it's time for the GRATUITOUS NUDITY! You supply the nudity, and we supply the gratuity.

• Bone : [to Casey]  What planet are you from, sugar tits? Saturn with the rings around your head?

• Bone : Listen, if you have a little more trouble getting that skirt off I'll give you another hundred.